I love Tom Cruise‘s Les Grossman character as much as the next guy, but I wouldn’t want to hang with him all through the day and night. Les is comic relief — a guy you cut away to when you want to chuckle at some bespectacled, bald-headed rage monkey bellowing, howling and threatening to cut off the heads of other guys on the phone. You don’t want to get too close to a guy like this. He’s not Jerry Maguire. You want to laugh at his blitzkreig animal fury for four or five minutes and duck out of the room and go somewhere else.

So I really don’t see how Les carries a film, which is what the big news was today — i.e., an all-Les, all-the-time Les Grossman movie produced by Paramount and MTV Films, co-produced by Cruise and Red Hour Films’ Ben Stiller and Stuart Cornfeld with Michael Bacall (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World) writing the screenplay.

“Les Grossman’s life story is an inspiring tale of the classic human struggle to achieve greatness against all odds,” Stiller said in an official announcement. No, that’s not his story. Les Grossman’s story is a fitfully funny tale of the classic urge to rape, pillage, murder and destroy your enemies in life, and to murder their children and wives and friends and mistresses and neighbors in the bargain — to slice open their stomachs with Bowie knives and splatters their intestines on the floor.