Distinctive Minds

In the view of Grantland‘s Wesley Morris, 2 Guns boils down to Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg “having a good time robbing banks and blowing up buildings and barreling through military security checkpoints and double-crossing people and shooting each other because none of it really means anything. You rarely get to see a pair of stars mired in this much danger but playing the whole thing as if they were on vacation. Wahlberg all but walks around the film with a paper umbrella behind one of his ears.”

I said roughly the same thing on 7.25, calling it “a silly late-summer jagoff that’s about Washington and Wahlberg playing ‘catch’ with each other — i.e., the old chemistry-rapport-mutual backscratch put-on/goof-off thing. Call it ‘attitude-surfing.’ The movie has no undercurrent, no themes — nothing except the wank-off vibe of everyone just making the damn thing and collecting their paychecks and taking their dicks out and stroking them as they cash their checks and hack around between takes.”

Military Intelligence Effed Up

Peter Berg‘s Lone Survivor (Universal, 12.27) is basically about an anti-Taliban military operation that went wrong and resulted in the deaths of a lot of good homies. The source of Berg’s screenplay is Marcus Luttrell‘s “Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10.” Pic costars Mark Wahlberg, Taylor Kitsch, Eric Bana, Emile Hirsch, Ben Foster and Alexander Ludwig. Deadline‘s Mike Fleming reported on 3/17.11 that Berg wanted to make Lone Survivor immediately after The Kingdom, but Universal wouldn’t do it unless he agreed to make Battleship first.

They Done Her Wrong

I don’t doubt the veracity of Linda Lovelace‘s “Ordeal.” She was used and abused by the porn industry, and especially by her Svengali-pimp boyfriend Chuck Traynor. Which is what Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman‘s film (Radius-TWC, 8.9) essentially conveys. I just don’t believe this is the whole story. I especially don’t believe that Lovelace was the innocent, wide-eyed, golly-gee victim that Amanda Seyfried portrays. I think she was more of a willing if not enthusiastic participant in her porn celebrity (at least during the early ’70s) than the film lets on. I was touched and saddened by Lovelace, but I finally felt more skeptical than persuaded.

Tone Deaf

I can’t sing like a professional or even a gifted amateur, but I can definitely sing “Happy Birthday” on-key. Which is more than 97% of your Average Joes and Janes can manage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to a table of restaurant revelers try to sing it and not hit a single true note. It’s pathetic. We’re not talking about singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” here. “Happy Birthday” is a popular tune because any whoop-dee-doer can sing it, except most folks can’t find the key of G to save their lives and forget holding onto the melody if they could. Bad singing is all about emotional timidity. Singing on-key takes a certain open-heartedness. You can’t be covert about it. All I know is that every time a table launches into “Happy Birthday” I grimace and go “oh, God…here we go.’

Ambitious Oldboy Fight Scene

A trustworthy source informs that Spike Lee and Josh Brolin shot an ambitious fight sequence for the forthcoming Oldboy (FilmDistrict, 11.27) that was timed at 14 minutes and 30 seconds without a cut. I asked Brolin about this and he replied as follows: “Your source doesn’t understand that if I did a non-stop 14 minutte and 30-second second fight sequence, I’d be dead now. To get through 45 seconds (when we started rehearsing it) left me blanched and heaving. I won’t tell you how long the fight is but it is unique. ”

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“For Those Of A Certain Vintage…”

I don’t want to handicap the Best Picture chances for David O. Russell‘s American Hustle by over-praising it based on nothing but a trailer but…do I really have to say it? The cup runneth over. In Like Flynn. And Led Zeppelin‘s “Good Times, Bad Times” ties it all together like Jeff Lebowski‘s oriental rug. (Thanks to Awards Daily‘s Sasha Stone for alerting me to this — I didn’t expect to see a trailer until late September or October.)

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Obviously Superior to Danny Kaye Version

I didn’t like the idea of Ben Stiller‘s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (20th Century Fox/Samuel Goldwyn, 12.25) because (a) I never much cared for the 1947 Danny Kaye version but more to the point (b) I’ve always half-despised the idea contained in the original James Thurber story, i.e., a mouse living in a fantasy cave. Whether or not I attain success or failure in life I will at least tough it out in the real world — only losers who take long showers retreat into constant daydreams. So eff this movie, I’ve been telling myself all along. I’m not a fucking mouse and I don’t want to know from Mitty-hood.

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Lovelace Confessions

A good percentage of the cast of Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman‘s Lovelace (Millenium, 8.9) sat for a press conference today at the Mandarin Oriental hotel near Columbus Square. Amanda Seyfried, who portrays the victimized Linda Lovelace, seemed vaguely uncomfortable about being asked questions or about having played the role in the first place. Either way her remarks were fascinating for that. She was flanked by costars Peter Sarsgaard, Sharon Stone, Adam Brody, Chris Noth and Hank Azaria.

Like A Rhinestone Cowboy

This image of Alan Ladd in a dopey-looking Durango Dude rodeo outfit has been used for Shane jacket art since the 2000 DVD version, if not before. It’s been used again for the forthcoming Shane Bluray, which I received yesterday from Warner Home Video. Why couldn’t the WHV person who oversees jacket art notice that Ladd never wears this ridiculous get-up in George Stevens‘ classic 1953 western? How difficult could it have been to use a still of Ladd in his fringe-y buckskin outfit (which he does wear in the film) or his blue workshirt and jeans get-up (ditto). No offense and no biggie, but c’mon.

Schrader Spo-Dee-O-Dee

Question: If Lindsay Lohan wants a career again, what advice would you give her when she comes out of rehab?

The Canyons director Paul Schrader: “Stop the Adderall. I mean, that’s fucking speed, and she was taking it every day. And then when she gets too speedy, you have to cut it with some vodka. Great. That’s what we call a speedball. She’s not a drug addict in a conventional sense. I just think that with Adderall…well, I’ve been talking to people about it, and apparently it’s the most abused drug on college campuses by women.” — from a 7.30 Kyle Chandler/Vulture interview.