I felt one of the worst pain sensations of my life during the 2006 Cannes Film Festival. I had a small bottle of eyedrops and a small bottle of intense cinnamon mouthwash in my jacket pocket, and in a moment of haste and distraction I grabbed the mouthwash bottle, leaned back and squeezed the liquid into my right eye. It felt like hydrochloric acid melting my eyeball and leaking into my brain. I couldn’t think, couldn’t see, couldn’t focus on how to find water to splash into my eye.

There was no love or sympathy for the Boston bombing suspects from their uncle, Ruslan Tsarni, during a statement this morning to news crews. An angry Tsarni that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, 19, and his older brother, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, 26, “do not deserve to live on this earth” He called the brothers “losers” and said that Tamerlan “absolutely deserved” to be shot and killed.

Right away I thought of another man venting anger at a close family member who’s just committed a terrible crime. It happens in a third-act scene in Peter Landesman‘s forthcoming Parkland. On the evening of 11.22.63 an enraged Robert Oswald is allowed to speak with his younger brother Lee inside a small room at Dallas Police headquarters.

An urgent manhunt action-and-death scenario is unfolding in the Boston suburb of Watertown right now. It’s real and dangerous and nuts and anything but entertainment for anyone involved…but of course it’s riveting TV news coverage with the younger of two Russian Chechnyan suspects in Monday’s Boston bombing — 19 year-old Dzhokhar A. Tsarnaev — all but certain to be apprehended or perhaps killed within the next few hours (or perhaps minutes). His older brother, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, 26, was killed by cops early this morning (or late last night) with an IED strapped to his chest before — get this — being run over by an SUV driven by his younger brother. A 7-Eleven was robbed last night at 10:20 pm. IED bombs were hurled out the window of a stolen/carjacked SUV.

This is real and crazy and intense. A bomb could go off. More bullets could be fired. Don’t pull back and talk about the movie version. Don’t mention that this urgent, high-throttle activity is straight out of a frenzied extended Michael Mann/David Fincher/Chris Nolan/Oliver Stone steadicam action sequence. And by the way, Dzhokhar is almost pronounced like “Joker” except it’s “JOH-karr.” Update: “JOH-karr” has reportedly been found and cornered in Watertown and a stand-off situation is now happening.

And if you’re in the on-air media community and particularly if you’re a CNN or MSNBC or network news reporter or commentator of any kind, do NOT under any circumstance mention the “M” or the “I” word when discussing the reported background of the two fugitive-suspects. It’s irresponsible at this stage. I’ve included two paragraphs from a N.Y. Times report about the activity of the last few hours, and have been listening to two news channels over the last hour and neither the “M” nor the “I” word has not been mentioned, and if I know the news media it will be mentioned only when their hand has been forced. Okay, the word “Islam” might be mentioned but not the “M” word. Of course it’ll be mentioned eventually. Let’s just keep it out of the conversation for the next few hours.

6:38 am update: MSNBC is reporting that there may be some sort of link — possible, unsubstantiated — between the suspects and the Islamic Jihad Union. Also: An accomplice of the two Tsarnaev brothers reportedly left Boston on a train to Connecticut but that train has now been stopped in East Norwalk, Connecticut (next door to my home town of Wilton) and has been surrounded.

You know that air travel over the next week or two is going to be a bitch. “Security theatre” will be back in force.

A failing grade from Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t mean squat at the box-office. When it comes to eye-candy sci-fi Joe and Jane Popcorn always disdain or ignore what elitist critics think. But a 57% rating does mean that the riff about Joseph Kosinki being “the new James Cameron” is over. The proof is in the pudding and Kosinski has found his level as a hard working, reasonably talented provider of expensive, high-concept CG fantasias. But at best he’s a poor man’s Cameron. JK just doesn’t seem to have those JC internals — edge, discipline, super-will.

I don’t know anything but I’m getting a little bit of Beau Pere vibe from this teaser for Francois Ozon‘s Jeune et Jolie, which will play in competition at the 2013 Cannes Film Festival. The lead character played by Marine Vacth, who will turn 23 when the festival begins, is 17. Except 22 or 23 is a whole different ballgame than 17. And how do you pronounce “Vacth”?

This morning N.Y. Post critic/columnist Lou Lumenick reported the following about Warner Home Video’s Shane Bluray, which will now be issued with a 1.37:1 aspect ratio per yesterday’s announcement: “‘We may not be able to release the Bluray as planned [on June 4th],’ a Warner rep adds. ‘We are waiting word from mastering as to when we will have things ready on the new version and then will officially reschedule the release date.'”

Does it strike anyone else as curious that with all the Shane hubbub over the last few weeks and all those Home Theatre Forum aspect-ratio discussions that Warner Home Video has never officially or un-officially said squat about this? Even now they’re silent. It’s like when L. Ron Hubbard died and the Scientology hierarchy didn’t say anything until a week or two later. It’s like standing outside the Kremlin in the early ’70s and looking up at those gray walls and the armed guards pacing back and forth.

I’ve sent the following note to Woody Allen via his publicist: “Dear Woody — As you may have heard the Shane Bluray saga now has a happy ending with a Warner Bros. spokesperson telling N.Y. Post critic/columnist Lou Lumenick that the film will be released with a 1.37 aspect ratio and not the much-dreaded 1.66 a.r. that George Stevens, Jr. told me the film would be presented in. I just want to thank you for taking the time to write me with your feelings about this matter. I don’t know if your viewpoint (i.e, that Shane should only be seen in its original aspect ratio) influenced the decision of Warner Home Video executives, but I’m sure they heard what you said. Your contribution to the conversation is deeply appreciated and I’m sure many others feel as I do. You ‘stood up’ and I greatly admire that. Best wishes & looking forward to seeing Blue Jasmine later this year. — regards, Jeffrey Wells, HE.”

With Joel and Ethan Coen‘s Inside Llewyn Davis now confirmed for the Cannes Film Festival competition slate, here’s a portion of my 3.9.12 script review:

“The Coen’s script, typically sharp and well-honed with tasty characters and tart, tough dialogue (especially from Carey Mulligan‘s character), is about lethargy, really. And about taking care of a friend’s cat. And seeing to an abortion and trying to get paid and figure out your next move and…whatever else, man. It’s about a guy who isn’t even close to getting his act together, who just shuffles around from one couch to the next, grasping at straws, doing a session recording one day and trying to land a performing gig the next, like a rolling stone, no direction home.

“It’s about how shitty it felt to be aimless and broke without a lot of passion in downtown Manhattan during the first year of the Kennedy administration. A line from an Amazon review of Dave Van Ronk’s co-authored autobiography notes that ‘the truth is that being a folk singer in the late 1950s wasn’t very much fun.’ That sums up Inside Llewyn Davis. It’s about a guy who ‘exists’ as a folk singer rather than one who is really struggling to be heard and living the life and half-getting somewhere.

“The period details are subtle and spot-on, and yes, Bob Dylan does make an oblique appearance at the very end (and is heard singing ‘I Was Young When I Left Home’) but Davis…? What a loser, what a deadhead.

“But I loved the script. It’s a real Coen Bros. film. When you’ve finished it you know you’ve tasted the early ’60s and that atmosphere (if I know the Coens the CG recreations of 1961 Manhattan are going to be exceptional) and that kick-around way of life, and that you’ve really become familiar with Llewyn Davis’s loser lifestyle. It’s something to bite into and remember. It has flavor and realism, but it has no story to speak of, really. Shit just happens. It’s a bit like A Serious Man, but without the theme about God’s cruelty and indifference to the plight of mortals.

“What are Joel and Ethan saying (if they were the kind of filmmakers who makes movies in order to ‘say’ something, which they’re not)? If you’re not driven or talented enough, don’t try to become a performer because life will take you down if you don’t have that spark? Something like that.”

Some interesting analysis/background on the official Cannes Film festival slate has been suppled by Deadline‘s Nancy Tartaglione. Here are some highlights:

Festival honcho Thierry Fremaux told Tartaglione that he only saw Alexander Payne‘s Nebraska “48 hours ago” (I guess that translates to 60 to 72 hours ago in immediate terms) and very soon after confirmed its inclusion.

A reluctant Steven Soderbergh was persuaded by Fremaux to accept a competition position with Behind The Candelabra “after originally saying he’d prefer another slot,” Tartaglione reports. “Fremaux wrote Soderbergh a diatribe on why he should accept a competition berth, [and] Soderbergh responded by email with a simple ‘Yes.'” Wells comment: I’m fairly certain that Fremaux’s plea included a statement along the lines of “this is your last film before taking your Frank Sinatra retirement — you deserve the respect of having your ‘final effort’ in competition, if only as a tribute to your filmography thus far.”

Fremaux “called Nicholas Winding-Refn‘s Only God Forgives the ‘radical and punk‘ film of the selection and warned, ‘Don’t expect Drive 2.'” Wells comment: I realize that — it’s going to be Drive 2: Sadistic Slicings with swords and bruisings and gougings and buckets of sticky red vino.