Zero Interest, Axel….Go Away

39 years ago John Simon (1925-2019) called the original Beverly Hills Cop (directed by Martin Brest, released in ’84) “a truly contemptible film.”

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F (Netflix, sometime in ’24) is obviously a cynical paycheck project, and will almost certainly deliver none of the original juice. And the 62 year-old Murphy no longer looks like Axel — he looks like Sonny Liston.

Hollister Shortfall

26 years ago I was working as an in-house freelancer at People, and it was a mostly stifling gig, lemme tell ya. The only really “good” thing occured in early ’98 when a married staffer and I began a torrid love affair. The unrelenting emotional anxiety, stress and sensual, deep-navel nirvana lasted until September ’00. Anyway…

Sometime in the late spring of ’97 I pitched a story about the 50th anniversary of the alleged 1947 Hollister motorcycle riot, which inspired Lazlo Benedek‘s The Wild One (’53) and launched that iconic image of a hog-striding Marlon Brando with the shades and motorcycle cap.

The idea was that a team (myself and another People reporter) would attend the annual Hollister 4th of July rally and interview as many bikers as we could, and try and cobble together some kind of historical perspective piece that would commemorate the first time that mainstream Americans had heard about rowdy, beer-drinking ruffians rumbling around and agitating the locals.

People‘s New York editors approved the trip and off we went. And we gave it our very best, interviewing 20 or 25 bikers plus taking snaps and running all over town. But the article we turned in wasn’t punchy or throttle-y enough, they said. The New York editors were almost angry at us for not slamming it home.

I figured later on that we should have borrowed someone’s pickup truck and organized a dynamic tracking shot of 50 or 75 bikers motoring down a Hollister country road a la Brando, Jerry Paris, Gil Stratton and Lee Marvin. A single photo speaks a thousand words, etc.

Obvious Cultural Provocation

I don’t get the alleged “Disney presents Clockwork Orange slash Hunger Games” aesthetic in this just-released White House Christmas video. But it’s fairly clear what the Bidens are saying in posting this.

The last time I checked the U.S. of A. was still a vast melting pot — 95% straight, 59% European descended, 18% Latino, 13.5% African American, 12% Hispanic, 6% Asian, etc. But you’d never know it from this Biden Christmas video, which basically thumbs its nose at mainstream American culture outside the blue urban pockets.

Joe and Jill Biden to rubes: “Our base is mostly, or at least politically speaking, a partly straight but generally Black gay lesbian tutti-fruity tap dancing Glee club…clackety-clack at the White House…none of that Hugh Jackman or Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire-type stuff…this is how we see happy America.”

Translation: We believe in the non-white, non-straight urban vote. White schlubbo bumblefucks can do what they want or vote how they want, but this is who we are.

I Am Completely Prepared

…and am fully expecting, in fact, that the Oscar preferences of those with very little soul, depth or reflection will prevail early next year…the nearly empty Coke bottles, the shallowest minds, the supermarket hors d’oeuvres mentality of SAG-AFTRA…

But at least, thank God, we’re not looking at another end-of-the-world Best Picture debacle like EEAAO.

HE faves…well, who knows? But I know which ‘23 films stand at the top of the staircase, and Past Lives is not among them

Really Don’t Like This Term

Pickleball, I mean. I hate it (shudder), and if anyone ever suggests a friendly game of pickleball I’ll almost certainly say “thanks but no thanks.” It’s not the activity but the sound of it. I think I can safely say I’ll never, ever play this game. And I don’t want anything to do with pickles either. I’m serious. It’s a very strong feeling.

Good & Bad “Valance” 4K Discs

In May ‘22 “Paramount Presents” released a 4K Bluray of John Ford’s The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (‘62) that didn’t pass muster. Restoration guru Robert Harris called it technically flawed (de-grained with an overlay of fake amoeba swirls). Three months hence (3.5.24) a remastered 4K disc (sans amoeba) will go on sale.

HE reminder: The last name of John Ireland’s “Cherry Valance” in Red River (‘48) is pronounced Val-ANCE while the surname of Lee Marvin’s arch-villain in TMWSLV is pronounced VAL-unce. Exact same spelling.

Bad 4K Valance:

Good 4K Valance (3.5.24):

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