There’s a movie — a Showtime or an HBO movie, I’m thinking — in the story of Silvia Johnson, an indiscreet Colorado woman of 40 who just pled guilty to various charges for having schtupped a bunch of local teenage boys. A news story says she threw a series of weekly parties between October ’03 and October ’04 in which she gave drugs and alcohol to eight of the boys and had sex with five of them. Enabling young guys to get high is stupid and irresponsible for any adult, but what’s wrong with a little sexual healing? If only I’d known someone like Johnson when I was 14 or 15, I would have been a much happier lad. Courtney Love would be great in the role, but Meg Ryan would be better.

It’s 97 blazing degrees on the streets of Manhattan today. We might as well be in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. It’s so hot you can break an egg and spill it on the sidewalk and it would sizzle, I swear. The air on some of the subway platforms feels like something out of a blast furnace. At least it’s better than last week’s climate, which was muggy like a rain forest’s. There was a soppy thickness to the air…you needed a machete to cut through it.

The just-up trailer for Rob Reiner’s Rumor Has it (Warner Bros., 12.9) looks like a typically conservative big-studio soother. It feels smart (i.e., alert), inviting, easy-going. The content, it suggests, will be that of a politely randy sex-and relationships comedy. And I have to admit it looks like the film will be fairly funny in the usual-usual sense….maybe.

One of the main reasons big-studio movies always feel appealing is because of the way they’ve been shot, or, more precisely, the way they’ve been lighted. The dp for Rumor Has It is Peter Deming (The Jacket, I Heart Huckabees), and he has totally followed the standard drill by making all the actors in this trailer (Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner, Mark Ruffalo, Shirley MacLaine, etc.) look movie-star exquisite. Perfectly dressed, just the right hint of a golden-amber glow on their skin, every hair follicle arranged just so, etc. Nobody ever talks about this, but the superficially sensual composition in these films is why they tend to sell many more tickets to the hoi polloi than sometimes more provocatively photographed indie films. Average folks respond to the vibe of these damn things because they provide a certain sense of visual Tupperware tidiness by way of Victoria’s Secret…a sense of middle-class security…a visual massage effect by way of the carefully calibrated photography.

Slamdance co-founder Dan Mirvish, a good guy and the director of the indie musical Open House, “recently” fell and broke his leg and busted his shoulder, according to a story on Film Threat. Does “recently” mean he had the accident a week ago…in early July…what? Sorry Dan’s going through this — I don’t like to hear about anyone wincing in pain. There are addresses in the Film Threat story for sending Mirvish a get-well note or a can of sliced pineapples or whatever.

The Hollywood Elsewhere news ticker went “live” as of roughly 4:30 pm today, and is now up and running! Congratulations and deepest thanks to the great Jim Stanley for hanging in there and making it work the way it was always supposed to. Thanks also to the creator of the software, a guy from Romania named Adamus Capuano. The speed of the copy is slightly faster on Internet Explorer than on Firefox (which I abruptly switched to last night) or Netscape, and the copy prematurely stops feeding on these two browsers as well as Safari, but we’ll be refining things and also adding new RSS feeds as we go along, etc. It looks pretty damn good for now.

Sorry to jump into this so late, but The Island‘s lousy opening weekend wasn’t a “disaster” ($12.1 million at theatres…a pathetic $3876 per site) as much as totally pre-ordained. It was never really alive and in the game, and everyone knew this all along. Tracking figures were never very good, and once the word got around after the 7.13 nationwide sneak that it was more or less another THX 1138 or Logan’s Run…forget it. Everything was tried, loads of TV ad money was spent, and the dogs just didn’t want to eat the dog food.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory‘s second-weekend take was $27.5 million, a 51% dip from its opening weekend total. That means more than a few who’ve seen it came out of the theatre in a moderately unhappy frame of mind. The second-weekend total of Wedding Crashers, however, was down a mere 24% for a fresh haul of $25.7 million…a lot higher than I predicted on Friday. Happening!

What’s the rumble about Must Love Dogs, the John Cusack-Diane Lane romance that snuck last night? Variety‘s Justin Chang praised Cusack’s performance but called the film “middling.” His lead graph begins, “To properly appreciate Must Love Dogs, one must first love John Cusack…thesp’s maverick turn steals the show.” James Watson, non-pro from Tallahassee, wrote in this afternoon and said pic “wasn’t half bad. The theatre sold out with mostly 30 to 40 year-old women in the audience, and it played extremely well with them. I found it mildly diverting, although it did have a few laugh-out-loud moments. Lane and Cusack have reasonably good chemistry together. Within the constraints of the summer romance meet-cute genre, it’s definitely well above average.”

Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott…together again? That’s what I hear, but that’s all I’ve heard.

You’ve got to keep on your toes if you’re doing an online anything, and especially a gossip column. Take Radar‘s “Paris Review”, which is written by Julie Bloom and Derek De Koff. In Friday’s 7.22 posting they ran a multiple-choice quiz that led with a question about Paris Latsis’ obsession with fiance Paris Hilton, and which included a photo of the couple calling them “the future Mr. and Mrs. Latsis.” Very soon afterwards the Star‘s website ran a story saying the wedding’s off and Paris has flown home from Greece, etc. I don’t know if the Star has it right and I personally don’t give a shit about any of this, but if you were Bloom and De Koff wouldn’t you want to check this out and possibly shuffle your copy around if required, just so it looks like…you know, you’re on top of it? There are no “weekends off” in journalism…not any more.

So the Hollywood Elsewhere team is trying to install a travelling news-ticker thing at the very top of the column, but we’re having trouble with a software that looked very cool at first but has since developed some problems. Are there any software designers out there with a solid reliable news-ticker software that can handle RSS feeds from different sites, maintain the same look and speed on different browsers, and generally be steady and consistent all the way around the block? If you can fill the bill, I’ll not only buy it from you — I’ll tell everyone else how good it is on the site.