What did Michelle Pfeiffer’s Elvira say when she first saw Tony Montana’s “cream puff” — a beige Cadillac convertible with zebra-striped upholstery? “It looks like somebody’s nightmare,” she said.

For her and husband Seth Gabel’s Los Angeles home, Bryce Dallas Howard has approved an interior design that complements her own redhead colors — pastel pinks, light greens, creamy beiges. Her house, her design, her call.

But c’mon…what kind of dude would live in this girly-girl’ed, dollhouse environment? Ernest Hemingway would scoff at such a proposition. Where are the empty beer cans and half-eaten bags of pretzels? Where’s the man-cave? Where’s the HD flatscreen tuned to ESPN?

…that nearly a half-century later Richard Nixon, deeply loathed by the left from the early ’50s until his resignation on 8.8.74…who would’ve thought that Nixon, ruthless and consumed by his own demons as he was, would appear by today’s post-Trump standards as a relatively decent fellow…governed by practical political considerations, of course, but at the end of the day respectful of the basic governmental processes that keep this country in order…a man who said “okay, I’ve been cornered by my enemies and there’s no way out…I could defy everyone and everything until my terms ends on 1.20.77, but I’m going to be an adult and accept the situation.” A scrappy politician tainted with the attitude of a conniver and a scoundrel, yes, but he left the White House with a semblance of honor. Certainly when compared to the behavior of former president Donald Trump, who’s just a flat-out animal. Nixon, at the very least, submitted to procedure.

Fairfield County is abundantly, lavishly green now…a nice, settled, soothing vibe. The NYC Metro North train is only a hop, skip and a jump away.

Please lock me away / and don’t allow the day / here inside where I hide with my memories / I don’t care what they say, I won’t conform to a world that regards a neo-noir bullshit action comedy thriller from David Leitch…I won’t sit for a film that wears its own cartoonish emptiness like a proud badge.

What a lotta shit this year has been so far. World of Reel‘s Jordan Ruimy is conducting a mid-year ’22 poll, but telling respondents to keep their lists of faves to five, unranked.

Here are my seven: 1. Watcher (BEST), 2. Dog (NOT BAD, ANTI-WOKE), 3. Top Gun: Maverick (HIGHLY EFFICIENT POWER PUNCH), 4. Apollo 10 1⁄2: A Space Age Childhood (WARM, AGREEABLE), 5. The Northman (A SLOG THAT I RESPECTED, and what about that Nicole Kidman?), 6. The Batman (HIGHLY RESPECTED, ALL OF A PIECE), 7. Crimes of the Future (DIDN’T ENJOY IT BUT IT’S “GOOD”).

Note: I deliberately haven’t seen Everything Everywhere All at Once — I refuse to pay to see it in a theatre. I have a streaming version, however, and will watch it soon. A little voice is telling me that EEAAO is going to top the list.

Stephen Frears and Christopher Hampton‘s Billy Wilder & Me, set to film next spring, will be film-maven catnip. The story will have to be sad, given the gradual downturn of Wilder’s career when he hit his late 60s. It’ll be one thing for serious Wilder devotionals, and another for casual viewers who might know him from Some Like It Hot or The Apartment.

Set in 1977, pic will star Christoph Waltz as the masterly Austrian-born director, the ultimate cynical romantic or vice versa, as he directs his commercially ill-fated Fedora. Hampton’s script is based on Jonathan Coe‘s “Mr. Wilder and Me.”

Wilder’s legendary directing career peaked from the mid ’40s to early ’60s, but went south after Kiss Me Stupid (’64). He rebounded with The Fortune Cookie and held his ground with The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes and Avanti!, but the glory days were over. His last three films — The Front Page, Fedora and Buddy Buddy — finished him off.

Official synopsis: “In the summer of 1977, an innocent young woman begins working for Billy Wilder and his screenwriter Izzy Diamond on a Greek island during the filming of Fedora. When she follows Wilder to Germany to continue the shoot, she finds herself joining him on a journey of memory into the heart of his family history.”

Fedora Wiki page excerpt: “Allied Artists dropped its deal to distribute Fedora after it was screened at a Myasthenia Gravis Foundation benefit in New York City and the audience response was unenthusiastic. The film was picked up by Lorimar Productions, which planned to sell the screening rights to CBS as a television movie.

“Before the network could agree to the offer, United Artists stepped in. After cutting 12 minutes of the film based on studio recommendations, Wilder previewed it in Santa Barbara. Halfway through the audience began derisively laughing at all the wrong places. Dejected by the response and despondent from all the problems he had encountered up to this point, the director refused to make any more edits.”

Sex is between your legs and gender is between your ears…fine. But why do so many in the trans community get so fucking angry when you question the notion that gender isn’t quite as fluid and indistinct and comme ci comme ca as they assert?

I don’t know anyone who wants to give the trans community a hard time. I certainly never have or wanted to. My basic attitude is whatevs, no problem, live your lives, etc. Everyone feels this way.

But with last November’s arrival of Sutton, my granddaughter, I’ve been feeling triggered by progressive activists in the educational system wanting to force-feed gender ideology to young children. I feel kids should be left alone until…I don’t know exactly, but probably when they approach puberty. And don’t even talk about asking little kids which gender they identify with, or God forbid acting upon their answers with this or that medicinal (Lupron) or surgical measure.

The main impetus behind the hardcore progressive wokester cabal is not just about showing compassion and acceptance for historically marginalized or put-upon communities (African Americans, women, LGBTQ, transgender), but also about bending over backwards to make things right by abruptly and radically reversing biological embeds. One way of achieving this is by threatening sensible centrists and left-moderates with toxic social-media accusations and even career destruction.

Either you’re with us or you’re a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or an anti-trans bigot. Either you’re with us or you’re crabgrass, and you need to be yanked out of the soil. I can’t wait until these fine folks are on the run and searching for tall grass.

It is my solemn, fully considered belief that wokesters are a pernicious ideological movement. It is my solemn, fully considered belief that many on the progressive left have literally gone insane. Thank God the social-political pendulum is starting to swing away from the crazies, and I think many of them realize this. I’ve gradually come to feel over the last three or four years that progressive wokesters deserve serious pushback, and lemme tell ya it feels very good to be part of a growing community that is doing the pushing.

Last night I watched Matt Walsh‘s What Is A Woman?, a 94-minute documentary (available only through a Daily Wire subscription). Mainstream media types have slagged it as anti-trans, but it’s just a simple, rudimentary, building-block exploration of the basics.

All Walsh does, really, is to politely ask trans activists and various professional-class specialists (college profs, psychologists, surgeons) what a woman is, and to apply the measure of basic biological fact against their political theory.

None of them give Walsh a straight answer, and two or three raise their backs and threaten to terminate their interview when Walsh tries to insert the concepts of basic logic and fundamental biological reality.

These are people, it is quite clear, who are living in their own bubble, and when Walsh tries to discuss the roots of trans ideology they all go cold and stiff and defensive. Calm and measured at first, they all gradually smell where Walsh is coming from, and seem unable to handle his basic, mild-mannered, sensible-sounding inquiries, almost certainly because to do so would open them up to political difficulties from trans activists. They know who butters their bread.

Has Walsh assembled his documentary in the manner of peak-strength Michael Moore, by presenting a somewhat slanted view of things? You could argue this, yeah, but if I didn’t see the harm when Moore did it so how can I complain about it now?

The thing that stuck in my mind is the hostility. Angry, arch-backed responses always expose weak viewpoints and purist radical temperaments.