The sound of Tintin alone grinds into my soul. A young adventurer character with a small dog is a problem right out of the gate. Steven Speilberg directing, as always, is a problem. The hand of Peter Jackson being anywhere near this thing only compounds the problem. Jamie Bell as Tintin is a nonstarter. The impossibly hammy Andy Serkis as Captain Haddock is an all-but-guaranteed problem.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as “bumbling detectives named Thomson and Thompson” obviously reps a huge problem. Plus another appearance by Daniel Craig, who may be on the verge of stealing the paycheck crown from Liam Neeson. The whole enterprise has a rank corporatized odor about it.