I posted a Proust Questionnaire thing a couple of years ago. I was just reading Tom Ford’s answers to same in the new Vanity Fair. It includes some questions that I didn’t address before. Here we go…
Your greatest fear? Confinement without wifi or phone chargers. Death by guillotine or being thrown into a crocodile pit. Being forced to wear ’70s and ’80s clothing.
The trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience. Not having been more gentle in certain matters. Not having summoned the discipline and patience to learn to play piano when I was younger. Not having read more books.
Your idea of perfect happiness? There’s no “perfect” anything. Everything ebbs and flows. Impermanence is the only thing you can count on. That said, a kind of happiness would involve living in the Russell Square region of London with plenty of dough, but with frequent travel from one European city to another, occasionally Asia or the Middle East but mostly Europe, Eastern Europe and Russia. Train travel, motorcycles, rented cars. Back to London every two or three months, visits to New York, Savannah and the Caribbean area every six months. And writing the column every day, of course.
The trait you most deplore in others? The urge to cancel among Khmer Rouge wokesters. The callousness in people who lean their seats back too far in coach. Loudness, vulgarity, indifference to the feelings of others. People who throw their heads back and shriek with laughter in bars and cafes.
Your greatest extravagance? Shoes.
What do I most value in your friends? That they’re occasionally down with sharing a dinner. Or listening. Or helping out in a pinch.
Your favorite journey? My first trip to Europe in the summer of ’76.
Most overrated virtue? Achievement in sports.
What do you dislike most about your appearance? That I don’t have the svelte form that I had in my 20s, 30s and 40s.
Which living person do you most despise? The Beast.
Your favorite occupation? What I do now. If I couldn’t do the column I’d like to work as an international courier of some kind.
How would you like to die? Suddenly, without warning, preferably without trauma or great pain.
If you were forced to give up a certain vegetable for the rest of your life? Squash, beets, kale, yams, pumpkins, brussels sprouts.
What dead persons would you most like to meet and hang with?: Clara Bow, Stanley Kubrick, Robert Benchley, Cary Grant, Julius Caesar, Jesus of Nazareth, John Lennon, Honore de Balzac, Joan of Arc, Carole Lombard, Jim Morrison, Abraham Lincoln, Jimi Hendrix, Dorothy Parker, Howard Hawks.
Your greatest regret? Allowing my anger at my father to determine the course of my life for too many years. Not getting my life into gear sooner. Not being a better father with my younger son, Dylan. Stupidly and fearfully beating the shell of a turtle with a piece of wood when I was five or six years old (I thought it was a snapping turtle that might bite my finger off).
Your greatest source of emotional comfort?: Being with my wife when she’s in a good mood. Walking around Rome or Paris or Hanoi without purpose. A warm, not-too-crowded cafe with lightning-fast wifi in the late afternoon. The way I feel after getting nine or ten hours of sleep, which happens maybe once a month, if that. The time I spend with my cats, Anya and Yanna, as I’m waking up from a nap.
Your greatest source of emotional comfort?: Being with my wife when she’s in a good mood. Walking around Rome or Paris or Hanoi without purpose. A warm, not-too-crowded cafe with lightning-fast wifi in the late afternoon. The way I feel after getting nine or ten hours of sleep, which happens maybe once a month, if that. The time I spend with my cats, Anya and Yanna, as I’m waking up from a nap.
Your proudest virtues?: Diligence, doggedness when it comes to writing. A general willingness to admit fault in many (though not all) instances. Excellent taste in clothing, particularly footwear, socks, jackets and T-shirts.
Which living persons do you most admire?: I admire adventurous and quick-witted people the most. I generally admire smart, considerate people who’ve been around the block and accomplished things under pressure, especially if they have a good sense of humor.
If you were forced to choose exile to a single country with a reasonable guaranteed income…? Italy.
Your favorite qualities in a woman: Passion, brains, courage, blonde hair, beauty, laughter, a love of adventure, a willingness to argue openly and fairly (i.e., no silent sulking).
What do you tend to lie about?: As little as possible. Every time you lie you absorb a small amount of poison into your system. I would say “lie to no one, ever” but we all do it from time to time, mostly to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
Your greatest fear?: Falling, drowning, being eaten — any kind of violent death. Being imprisoned in a small cell.
The trait you most deplore in yourself? Hair-trigger temper when I’m irritated or pressured. Occasional cowardice.
Your favorite movie hero?: Richard Basehart‘s wire-walking fool in La Strada.
What words or phrases do you most overuse?: “Don’t tell me”.
Your general motto?: Rewrite. Tomorrow is another day. Never say die.
