Today I took my samurai sword to be sharpened at The Sword and the Stone (723 Victory Blvd., Burbank), the greatest ancient weaponry store (newly crafted “old” swords, medieval and Roman helmets, breastplates, hand-hooks) and hot medieval bikini-babe fantasy environment I’ve visited in months, if not years. The blade of my samurai sword is now razor sharp. If anyone breaks into my place I’ll chop his hand off and open him up like can of beans.

Gittes: “Tell me, are you still puttin’ chinamen in jail for spittin’ in the laundry?” Escobar: “You’re a little behind the times, Jake. They used steam irons now. Besides I’m not in Chinatown any more.” Gittes: “Oh, yeah? Since when?” Escobar: “Since I made lieutenant.”

Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk and David Fincher told us to stay away from Ikea. But that’s where I go when I need a couch that I can afford — a new one, I mean, that doesn’t smell like someone else.