I’m sorry but it’s somehow comforting to hear that Simon Kinberg‘s Dark Phoenix (Fox/Disney, 6.7) really and truly blows.

“If a movie can be said to suffer from low-grade depression, this one certainly seems to be, shuffling in its socks and bathrobe through a not-quite-two-hour running time with an attitude that is closer to grudging obligation than enthusiastic commitment.” — Washington Post critic Michael O’Sullivan.

Sung to the tune of Randy Newman‘s “Short People”:

Dark Phoenix got no reason to / Dark Phoenix got no reason to / Dark Phoenix got no reason to exist.”