The biggest-selling Oscar book that will never be written because it can’t be: Academy Award Vote Totals. Oscar know-it-all and Maxim critic Pete Hammond says he’s long wanted to write this but the Academy never reveals the numbers and they supposedly trash-can them after seven years so forget it. If the totals were known and published, the book would never stop selling. If there are any retired Price Waterhouse guys out there who wrote down the totals from years past and kept copies and want to talk about enhancing their savings account by getting into some Mark Felt parking-garage action, get in touch.