From the director whose name is synonymous with soulless flashbang filmmaking of the lowest order, a romantic action-comedy in which Reese Witherspoon has to choose between two hot-shot suitors who happen to be spies. On the left is good-looking smoothie Chris Pine (i.e., Captain Kirk) and and on the right is Tom Hardy, a subtle and intelligent actor who’s nonetheless played three famous animals so far — Bane, Bronson and a hulking MMA fighter in Warrior.

Who is cuter? Who will be the better provider? The better dad?

Does Reese test-drive them both, so to speak, or is this a film about windowshopping? Apart from all the action crap, I mean. Does Witherspoon have it in her contact that her character will only windowshop in films of this nature? She’s a woman and a mom who’s invested in upstanding values so I wouldn’t be surprised. But what kind of traditional-values woman goes out with two guys at the same time?

This Means War opens in only eight days, and on a Tuesday — 2.14 (i.e., Valentine’s Day). I’ve asked about a screening, but it’s unlikely that anything positive could come from my seeing it. I hate all things McG.

“Sam Worthington was attached to star in This Means War, but dropped out and was replaced by Hardy,” the Wikipage says. “Bradley Cooper was also attached to star in the film, but left the project. Seth Rogen also turned down a role.”