According to L.A. Weekly writer Siran Babayan, a recently-published book by Hollywood screenwriters Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (“Writing Movies for Fun and Profit: How We Made a Billion Dollars at the Box Office and You Can, Too!“) summarizes meetings the pair had with Billy Crystal and Sandra Bernhard “with just one word: dick.”

“Well, at least somebody has the guts to let it be known what a selfish dick and insincere courtesan Billy Crystal is,” a screenwriter friend wrote this morning.

“Perhaps so,” I replied, “but I know three things: (a) Many if not most comedians are possessed by dark moods and inclinations of one kind or another — they’re no day at the beach; (b) I myself felt a certain morose moodiness and frostiness when I spoke to Crystal at Sundance a few years ago, although it didn’t bother me; and yet (c) I love that Crystal reportedly has an exact replica of an airplane bathroom (complete with blue water in the toilet) in his home.”

Garant and Lennon will read from and sign their book at Book Soup, 8818 Sunset Blvd., W. Hlywd. on Tuesday, 7.5, at 7 p.m.