A video preview of a 33-page film-noir spoof section — “Killers Kill, Dead Men Die” — in the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue, which will reportedly be purchasable on Wednesday. Photos by Annie Leibovitz, conceived and styled by Michael Roberts, and narrated by Ben Shenkman.

I’m truly stunned that the Vanity Fair gang, which is always supposed to be a little bit in front of everyone else, has gone in for something as retro-cheesy as this. The smoky romance of ’40s noir has been aped and re-aped to death over the last 30 to 35 years. Why Liebovitz & Co. would want to play dress-up with an idea that high school talent shows in Iowa, inspired by Steve Martin‘s Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, have probably been fiddling with since the early ’80s is beyond me.

The poseurs are Amy Adams, Ben Affleck, Jessica Alba, Pedro Almodovar, Alec Baldwin, Adam Beach, Jessica Biel, Abigail Breslin, Jennifer Connelly, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Robert De Niro, Robert Downey Jr., Kirsten Dunst, Aaron Eckhart, James Franco, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Hudson, Anjelica Huston, Rinko Kikuchi, Diane Lane, Derek Luke, Tobey Maguire, James McAvoy, Helen Mirren, Julianne Moore, Jack Nicholson, Bill Nighy, Ed Norton, Peter O’Toole, Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, Kerry Washington, Naomi Watts, Forest Whitaker, Bruce Willis, Patrick Wilson, Kate Winslet and Evan Rachel Wood.

Oh, and Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Chris Rock and Jack Black are on the cover.