An HE reader suffering from acute spiritual toxicity as well as cancer of the anus wrote this morning with the following message: “The name of Lynn Ramsay ‘s 2011 psychodrama wasn’t Let’s Talk About Kevin but We Need To Talk About Kevin, you dementia-riddled jackass.”

HE reply: “Thanks, fixed.

“Dementia issues aside, We Need to Talk About Kevin is just too damn shit-piss long.  

“My gut reaction when I first heard the title 14 years ago was ‘well, you may feel it’s important to talk about Kevin but I sure as shit don’t, especially with Lynne Ramsay at the helm and especially with that clearly demonic, warlock-eyed psycho, Ezra Miller, playing the titular character. So why don’t you and Kevin and everyone else in Kevin’s circle…why don’t you all go fuck yourselves?’

“Most movies with six-word titles tend to fail with Average Joes because six words (or five even) seem to indicate that the viewer will be in for a slog —a difficult or needlessly complex sit.  

“One of the very few six-word-title movies to succeed was Close Encounters of the Third Kind, although nine out of ten people just called it Close Encounters.

“How many people, honestly, even toyed with the idea of seeing Ramsay’s emotional torture flick, much less calling it something shorter?  ‘Hey, honey, ya wanna see that psychotic fuckhead Kevin movie tonight?’

“How about seven words?  Back in ‘65 nobody called Richard Lester’s latest The Knack (and How To Get It) — they just called it The Knack.

“My favorite seven-word-title flick?  Hands down, The Loneliness of the Long–Distance Runner. Now, that was an intriguing long title! I’ve seen Tony Richardson’s 1962 film at least four or five times and have always enjoyed it much more than Wim Wenders‘ The Goalie’s Anxiety at the Penalty Kick.”