The original Three Amigos — Coppola, Lucas, Spielberg — give the Best Director Oscar to Martin Scorsese for The Departed.

Reese Witherspoon steps out to present the Oscar for Best Actor. It would be gracious and divine if Peter O’Toole could upset and win. If only…if only, man. And the Oscar goes to Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland. Fine. It’s okay. And he’s stammering again. And now he’s got his groove on. Forest is better than okay. “Into the next lifetime!”

The Best Actress Oscar will go to….who might that be?….Helen Mirren for The Queen. Mirren gets a gold star for tributing everyone else — her co-workers, her co-competitors. Classy lady, classy speech.

The Best Film Editing Oscar, presented by Kate Winslet, is supposed to go to Babel ( I don’t mind if it goes to The Departed), and the Oscar goes to Thelma Schoonmaker for The Departed! A slight surprise! But a good one!

The Oscar for Best Song…great one-liner by John Travolta….”but that’s enough about me”…and the Oscar goes to Meliissa Etheridge and her song, “I Need To Wake Up,” from An Inconvenient Truth. She said it — this is the generation that can wake up, stand up and make the necessary changes.

Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst announcing the winner of the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, and the winner — there can be no doubt about this as we wait, can there?– is Michael Arndt, the writer of Little Miss Sunshine.

Best Original Score Oscar goes to Gustavo Santaolalla for Babel. Screwed for the third or fourth time by Sasha Stone and Tom O’Neil!

Ennio Morricone….everyone loves you also.

Jerry Seinfeld announcing the Best Feature Documentary Oscar..”these incredibly depressing movies”…I missed the point of that “the deal is, you rip us off” joke…and the Oscar goes to An Inconvenient Truth! Not a surprise but a fluttery pleasure wave anyway. Al Gore‘s speech at the end was noble, perfect…what a guy. He’s so much more tonight than he’s ever been before. Al, everyone loves you, and everyone (even a sizable portion of the right-wing denial brigade) is on the team.

Jennifer Hudson has won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar! A great lady with great pipes! And she’s giving a great speech. Good girl.

The Lives of Others has won Best Foreign Language Film! The astonishing has happened! And there’s so much traffic on the server I can barely post anything.

The Best Visual Effects Oscar is supposed to go to….fantastic drug-use-reference joke by Robert Downey! The Visual FX Oscar is supposed to go to Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. And the Oscar goes to Pirates! Superb work done by all, and also by the great Bill Nighy as Davy Jones.