Reality Bubble

“I feel like I had [an Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante,” Jennifer Lopez has told Latina magazine. “But I don’t even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great.”

El Cantante got a 24% positive from Rotten Tomatoes and a 46% positive from Metacritic. The Philadelphia Inquirer‘s Carrie Rickey called it “a soaring, crashing, blazing affair with pyrotechnic performances by real-life spouses Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez…like a plane disaster, it holds you in thrall of “ay, Dios mio!” drama.”

“It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins — I couldn’t have been happier — but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!’ But we joked about it.

“It’s all good. Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it’s supposed to. You can’t get all crazy twisted over it.”

For me, Lopez’s fate was sealed when I saw Anaconda and saw she was the only actor in the cast who was playing it straight and sincere. Everyone else (Jon Voight, Owen Wilson, Ice Cube, etc.) gave performances that said, “We know this is a piece of shit and that you know it, of course, so we’re standing outside the movie and basically fooling around and jacking off.”

Online Nod Awards

Last night the Online Film Critics announced their 2009 award winners. Boldly going where scores of other film critics have gone before, they chose The Hurt Locker as Best Picture and Kathryn Bigelow as Best Director…fine. And they gave Waltz — saying his first name is no longer required — their Best Supporting Actor prize and their Best Supporting Actress trophy to BET talk-show host Mo’Nique.

I’ll give them credit for handing their Best Actor award to The Hurt Locker‘s Jeremy Renner — very cool and wise — but what reaction other than befuddlement can be shared over honoring Inglourious Basterds costar Melanie Laurent with their Best Actress award? She was okay and is obviously fetching but c’mon — this reveals their horntoad geek sensibilities.

Best Original Screenplay award went to Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds, and the Best Adapted Screenplay honor went to Fantastic Mr. Fox co-writers Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach.

I’m a fan of Anderson’s film as far as it goes, but the Fox screenplay is rife with believability problems. It makes no sense that Meryl Streep made George Clooney swear off chicken-eating the way other wives forbid their husbands from gambling or drinking or using drugs — chicken-eating is as natural as breathing in the fox world. Clooney moves into a tree house that’s not far from the farms of Bean, Boggis and Bunce, and he doesn’t calculate that they might search out his home and destroy it out of retaliation? Bean, Boggis and Bunce are introduced as paragons of evil but all they’re trying to do is keep their stuff from being stolen. The fox clan is shot at by more machine-gun bullets than were ever fired at Sylvester Stallone in Rambo: First Blood, Part II, and not one of them gets hit. The script is relentless illogical whimsy mixed in with the usual urbane Anderson neuroticisms.

At least the Onliners gave their Best Documentary prize to Anvil! The Story of Anvil — excellent choice. Their Best Picture Not in the English Language prize went to Michael Haneke‘s The White Ribbon — fine.