…between the almost-comedic, dusty, wildly apocalyptic vibe of George Miller‘s Mad Max: Fury Road and the corrupt, pumped-up CG bullshit of James Wan‘s Furious 7…if you can’t sense the differences between the high-torque swagger and clenched intensity in the performances of Tom Hardy, Charlize Theron and Nicholas Hoult vs. the preening, macho-robot posturings of Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson and Michelle Rodriguez, then I don’t know what to tell you.

Joni Mitchell, 71, was rushed to the hospital this afternoon after reportedly being found unconscious, She was said to be alert in the ride down to “the hospital” (presumably UCLA or Cedars), but is reportedly in intensive care.

I’ve spoken to a friend who was with her last week, and he said he sensed that all was perhaps not entirely well. Mitchell, he said, had called for “a healer” to drop by and lay on hands or help out in some kind of shamanistic way.

Mitchell has been an unrepentant smoker all her life, beginning at age nine. My friend mentioned that there’s been some discussion (and perhaps an intention) of switching to electronic cigarettes but after six decades of reportedly heavy smoking…God help her. Obviously everyone wants her to recover and push on, but at a certain point the body just can’t take the nicotine and the toxins and complications will manifest.

Sidelight: I attended a short, smallish concert that Mitchell gave at Studio 54 in October ’82 to promote “Wild Things Run Fast.” The crowd was not huge, maybe 200 or 250, and I was standing fairly close and pretty much dead center. No female artist has ever touched me like Mitchell **, and I was quite excited about being this close to her. I was beaming, starry-eyed and staring at her like the most self-abasing suck-up fan you could imagine, and during the first song her eyes locked onto mine and I swear to God we began to kind of half-stare at each other. (Some performers do this, deciding to sing for this or that special person in the crowd.) Her eyes danced around from time to time but she kept coming back to me, and I remember thinking, “Okay, she senses that I love her and she probably likes my looks so I guess I’m her special fanboy or something for the next few minutes.”

Mitchell was dressed in a white pants suit and some kind of colorful scarf, and she sang and played really well, and I remember she had a little bit of a sexy tummy going on. Sorry but that had a portion of my attention along with the songs and “being there” and a feeling that I’d remember this moment for decades to come.

I understand the commercial reasons why Patricia Riggen‘s The 33, an upcoming drama about the 2010 Chilean mining disaster, would be performed in Chilean-accented English. The unfortunate downside, of course, is that it feels inauthentic. If I’d directed I would have shot two versions, one in Spanish, the other in English. It appears to be a straightforward rescue drama. The film completed principal photography a little more than a year ago, and apparently there’s still no U.S. distributor aboard. Riggen is the director, cinematographer and editor. Mike Medavoy and Edward McGurn are the producers. Antonio Banderas, Jacob Vargas, Mario Casas, Juan Pablo Raba, Naomi Scott, Rodrigo Santoro and Juliette Binoche costar. James Horner has composed the score.

Andy Grieve‘s Can’t Stand Losing You: Surviving the Police, the doc about former Police guitarist Andy Summers, opens in Los Angeles on 4.3. I wasn’t stunned or blown away by the film, which is based on Summers’ 2006 autobiography “One Train Later,” but it’s a mildly intriguing, glide-along thing. I was never bored by it. In any event I had to talk to Summers, whose guitar-playing with the Police will be swimming around in my head forever. It killed me to learn in the doc (and from Summers himself) that The Police did a CBGBs gig one night in the fall of ’78, two shows in fact, and that not many people attended the second show. I was living on Sullivan Street, and I could have just walked over and caught the show….if only I’d known. But I didn’t know about the Police until I saw Sting in Franc Roddam‘s Quadrophenia in the fall of ’79, and then I started listening to pieces of Regatta de Blanc and Outlandos d’Amour and then, a full year later, I finally became a serious fan with Zenyatta Mondatta. The chat with Summers went well enough. The only real problem with the doc, I feel, is that it’s seven or eight years old (shot between ’07 and ’08 for the most part), and it’s been released too late in the cycle. A doc that was mostly shot before the 2008 election of Barack Obama can’t matter all that much to the realm of 2015. But it’s not uninteresting. It tugged at me here and there. I was okay with it. Again, the mp3.

Andy Summers, producer Norman Golightly at West Hollywood’s London Hotel — Thursday, 3.26.

Andrew Mogel and Jarrad Paul‘s The D Train (IFC Films, 5.8) “is by far the darkest and nerviest laugher I’ve seen in ages,” I wrote on 1.24. “It begins as a not-too-funny situation comedy about a neurotic, high-strung suburban family man (Jack Black) who goes to great fraudulent lengths to travel to Los Angeles to lure a former high-school classmate who’s now a more-or-less-failed Hollywood actor (James Marsden) to a 20th anniversary high-school reunion. What I didn’t expect to see was a detour into Brokeback Mountain territory by way of a Lars von Trier film.

“But at the same time, as I mentioned during the post-screening q & a, The D Train follows the classic structure known as the Three D’s — desire, deception and discovery.

“I can’t call The D Train howlingly funny — nobody could — but it’s brave and different and much darker than what most of us would expect when we sit down with a comedy. You can call it ‘comedic’ and that’s fine, but it’s really a kind of laugh-sprinkled Middle American psychodrama about denial, suppression, self-loathing and the traumatic process of change. And yet it ends on a note of comfort and completion.

James Wan‘s Furious 7 (Universal, 4.3) is, of course, a cyborg muscle-car flick made for people who despise real action flicks and prefer, instead, the comfort of cranked-up, big-screen videogame delirium inhabited (I don’t want to say “performed”) by flesh-and-blood actors and facilitated by a special kind of obnoxious CG fakeitude that grabs you by the shirt collar and says “eat this, bitch!” I hated it like nothing I’ve seen in a long time. The critics who went apeshit for Furious 7 in Austin are to be regarded askance for at least the next ten years. Anyone who looks you in the eye and says Furious 7 delivers great, gleeful escapism really needs to submit to psychological testing.

“What’s wrong with silly, stupid fun?” they all ask. What’s wrong is that movies like this are deathly boring and deflating and toxic to the soul. They’re anti-fun, anti-life, anti-cinema, anti-everything except paychecks.

Furious 7 is odious, obnoxious corporate napalm on a scale that is better left undescribed. It is fast, flashy, thrompy crap that dispenses so much poison it feels like a kind of plague. Wan’s film is certainly a metaphor for a kind of plague that has been afflicting action films for a good 20-plus years.

In Act 3, Scene 2 of William Shakespeare‘s Julius Caesar, Marcus Brutus is asked by a crowd of alarmed plebians why he conspired to murder their leader. “T’was not that I loved Caesar less,” Brutus answers, “but that I loved Rome more.” By the same token I spit upon Furious 7 and the whole cyborg action muscle-boy genre not because I love sitting through cranked-up, power-pump, beyond-silly action flicks less (although my feelings of revulsion are as sincere as a heart attack) but because I love real action movies more.

I hated the first 65 minutes of Furious 7 so much that I was literally twitching and flinching in my seat and making little squeaky moaning sounds. I was checking my watch every five minutes, wondering how much more of this crap I could take. I was firing psychic hate grenades at the screen.