“A White Girl?”

You’re an Anglo-Saxon girl going out with a Pakistani guy. A few weeks of increasing closeness and commitment lead to love. Then you discover that his demanding, traditionalist mom has been trying to set him up with a series of Muslim women over dinners. He’s not into this at all — he’s into you — but he’s been secretly going along with the charade to placate mom. So yes, he’s been lying to you but he hasn’t been unfaithful, or not really. He should have copped to the dinners, of course, but he was too chicken, too cowed.

Question: If you were the white girl, would you maybe cut your dishonest Pakistani boyfriend a little slack? You could tell him to fuck off for weeks on end just to make him sweat, but if he kept apologizing and trying to gently win you back…maybe? I’m no Middle-Eastern scholar, but even I know that Pakistani parents are very strict when it comes to their children staying within the Muslim flock. If I were the white girl, I doubt if I’d be completely destroyed when the truth was revealed. Rather than go nuclear I would probably ease up and try to “understand”, I think.

Initial Wells reaction: “The Big Sick was the second best film I saw at Sundance (Call Me By Your Name was #1) — a dry, diverting romantic saga that feels very authentic in a low-key way. You never really know where it’s going, and that’s just how I like it. Droll, low-key humor for smarties & hipsters. And it really does come together emotionally during the last 25% or 30%. I loved the ISIS and 9/11 terrorist jokes. Kumail Nanjiani embroiders with a unique tone and sensibility, certainly within the realm of a modern American love story. He and Zoe Kazan hold things together for the first 40%, but it’s Ray Romano and Holly Hunter (as Kazan’s parents) who bring it home.”

Mike Nichols’ Closer (Back On, All’s Well, Be Cool)

I don’t know how to put this exactly, but after an extremely spirited and turbulent eight days involved wedding bands, La Piedra State Beach, a disputed pre-nuptial agreement, green card assessments and whatnot, the SRO and I are on again. All the discord fell away the night before last. Off to Europe, planning to marry in June, pre-nup 100% agreed to, etc. This is the last relationship bulletin I will share. I just felt that having posted “High Dive” on 4.24 and then “Peter Weir’s Son of Green Card” on 4.30, I had to at least update the tale. I’m not going to offer any explanations, rationales or recountings of Douglas Sirk-like dialogue. Everything is just…well, trusting and right and full speed ahead.

Read more

Breakout For History’s Sake

A year ago I decided that I had to watch an HD streaming version of Breakout, the 1975 B-grade Charles Bronson actioner. For historical reasons if none other. For as dicey as it may seem by today’s standards, Breakout was the first Hollywood film to open via wide saturation booking, and not Jaws, which usually gets the credit/blame.

A region 2 Bluray recently popped, but I don’t think it warrants that level of purchase. An Amazon streaming rental will do. Honestly? I don’t really want to watch it, but I have to. Just once. I know what I’m in for but duty calls.

Posted on 4.15.16: “After Breakout opened on 3.6.75 in several hundred theatres (a radical, roll-the-dice move at the time) and took in a then-respectable $7.5 million domestic, Universal chairman Lew Wasserman and studio president Sid Sheinberg decided to ape this strategy by opening Jaws, which they knew would be a big hit, on 6.20.75 in a similar fashion. The initial Jaws plan was to open it in 900 theatres, but Wasserman cut that figure down to 464.

Read more

L.A. Film Festival Opening With Allegedly Problematic Henry

Film Independent will kick off the L.A. Film Festival on 6.14 with Colin Trevorrow’s The Book of Henry (Focus Features, 6.16). Written by Greg Hurwitz, pic costars Naomi Watts, Jacob Tremblay, Jaeden Lieberher, Sarah Silverman, Lee Pace, Maddie Ziegler and Dean Norris. Watts plays a single mom; Tremblay plays her genius-level son. The plot is about Henry’s decision to try and save a young girl he’s developed a crush on (Ziegler) from her stepdad (Norris), whom Henry regards as some kind of bothered, hell-bent figure. On 3.30 I reported on some general scuttlebutt, but don’t let that stop you.

Know What Really Sucks?

There’s a certain Best Picture narrative that I don’t approve of, but which has apparently taken root. The thinking is that with Barry JenkinsMoonlight, an African American gay film **, having won the 2016 Best Picture Oscar, Luca Guadagnino‘s Call Me By Your Name, which is about much, much more than just a gay relationship but will nonetheless be painted with that brush when it opens on 11.24, can’t hope to win the 2017 Best Picture Oscar because the Academy won’t “go gay” two years in a row.

If this is Call Me By Your Name‘s fate, so be it. Unfair but what else is new? The Oscar game is all about timing, politically correct theologies and the right narrative at the right time. The irony is that Call Me By Your Name isn’t just a better film than Moonlightit’s 17 times better in just about every department. Moonlight was a striking breakout flick — Call Me By Your Name is flat-out masterful. Rave reviews are assured, and the nominations (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor for Timothy Chalumee, Best Supporting Actor for Michael Suthlbarg) are already all but locked in. The important thing, as always, is reaching as wide an audience as possible. I have a feeling it might really connect. For Guadagnino’s film is “gay” in a way than even Trump Nation bumblefucks can roll with. Or so I’m telling myself.

Read more

Don’t Come Around Here No More

I wouldn’t see A Great Wall with a knife at my back. I wouldn’t attend any press screenings or see it in theatres, and I damn sure won’t watch it on Bluray or streaming or even on a plane. I wouldn’t sit through it if they threatened to kill my cats. Okay, I’d save the cats but I would watch it in a state of total, stomach-acid cynicism, repulsion and disconnection. Check the HE boxes: (a) Chinese director…85% likelihood of a problem outside of guys like Lou Ye; (b) CG-driven monster crap, (c) tailored for dumbshit Chinese fantasy-spectacle market. I hate what Chinese money has done to megaplex movies in general. Fuck all of you…fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou. No offense but suffer, die, rot in hell.