Day: July 6, 2018

Believe It Or Not

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It’s 3:20 pm, and I’m facing the most surreal iPhone episode I’ve ever been stuck in. It’s like quicksand. I feel like Sterling Hayden in The Asphalt Jungle as he’s driving back to Kentucky with Jean Hagen.

As mentioned, my iPhone 6 Plus was stolen yesterday. Last night I bought an iPhone 8 Plus, but now I can’t use the damn thing because of a two-step verification process that’s part of the 8 Plus software. Owners are required to input their Apple ID and password (no prob), and then a six-digit passcode that Apple would normally text me. However, the thief who stole my iPhone has also hacked into it, and given it a new phone # or SIM card, and he’s the one who’s receiving the six-digit code from Apple, not me. Somehow this d-bag has convinced Apple that he’s me. Apple believes that his phone # is one of my trusted devices.

Notification emails from Apple tell me that the last two digits of the thief’s phone # are “14” plus that his initials are “S S.” No use of periods tells you he’s not well educated. If he called himself “SS” it could be interpreted as a perverse Nazi thing, but no.

Believe it or not four Apple senior-level techies have tried to crack this problem, but the last guy told me I’m out of luck. Me: “What do you mean I’m ‘out of luck‘? Are you telling me to return the phone and become an Android person?”

As I mentioned the only suggested Apple solution is to dump my Apple ID and password, but that would be horrible in terms of being unable to synch all my photos, music, notes and whatnot. This is starting to feel catastrophic. I’ve spent the last two and a half hours writing iPhone hackers (shady guys who will only accept Bitcoin payment) and talking to a couple of private investigators who might know how to sidestep this two-step verification, six-digit-input process.

HE to thief (a.k.a. “S S“): “I know you’re going to keep my iPhone 6 Plus and that I’ll most likely never hear from you, but I just need that six-digit code. Email or text it to me — hell, post it on the comment thread — and I’ll be out of this awful situation. You’re several hundred bucks richer with your new stolen iPhone, right? Do me this small favor and I’ll forget about trying to hunt you down. Seriously.”

Fan Investment & Ownership

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A 7.5 Indiewire article by Zack Sharf reports that Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn has offered stern words to a certain sector of Star Wars fanatics. Gunn was affected by a 7.3 Wrap article in which Ahmed Best, the actor who played Jar-Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace, confessed that the Jar-Jar hate was so intense 20 years ago that he actually contemplated killing himself. Some fans apparently replied that George Lucas was the guilty party and not Best, as Lucas was Jar-Jar’s creator.

Gunn’s reply: “Star Wars may be important to you, but it doesn’t belong to you. If your self-esteem depends on how good you think the current Star Wars is, or if your childhood is ruined because you don’t like something in a movie, GO TO THERAPY.”

HE to Gunn: There are very few critics or columnists who feel less in league with Star Wars loonies than myself, but if you want to be fair about it two truths need to be acknowledged.

One, fanboy fervor cuts both ways. The sputtering anger that fed haters of The Last Jedi or The Phantom Menace came from the same emotional gas tank that has propelled the reputations of other fanboy flicks and made them into super-hits. Fanboy ardor can obviously turn toxic, for sure, but it’s slightly hypocritical for filmmakers to deplore fan-bile on one hand while winking at fanboy worship and profiting handsomely when the reviews are good and the winds are favoring.

And two, fans who’ve responded to certain films with crazy intensity arguably own the film as much as the filmmakers, and perhaps even more so. When The Big Lebowski was surprise-screened at Sundance in January of ’98, it was nothing more or less than an offbeat Coen brothers entry — a deadpan stoner comedy that some critics liked and others not so much. But the crazy fans of Joel and Ethan’s eccentric paen turned it into a cult phenomenon. That special popularity is owned by them, not the Coens. Ditto the fanatical love of the first two Star Wars films, A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, between ’77 and ’80, and how all of that flipped into rage when the prequels came along 20 years later.

Last Jedi haters probably could benefit from a little couch therapy, but Hollywood types never allude to fan psychology when the money is pouring in.

Beware Of These Words

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If you’re speaking to senior-level Apple tech support person (as I am right now about an iPhone problem), you’re probably wasting your time if the technician says “I’m very sorry that you’re having this problem.” I’ve been dealing with these guys for over a decade now, and no one who’s sagely and confidently solved a problem has ever apologized for anything. Problem solvers assess and fix, period. But there’s always a first time, right? Open your heart and wait for divine providence. Then comes the second death-knell chant: “I’m just trying to help you, sir…I’m just trying to work with you.” Those are guillotine words. If you hear them you need to gently thank the tech for his/her assistance, wish him/her a good day, and start all over again.

The problem, in a nutshell, is that yesterday I misplaced my iPhone 6 Plus while visiting the Beverly Center. I reported the loss to the security and guest services guys …nothing. I went home and used the “Find My iPhone” app on my Macbook Pro…no signal. By all indications someone put it in their pocket, went home and tried to hack it. I know because I was forced to buy a new phone (8 Plus with 256K memory), and while retrieving my apps, photos and contact info from the cloud (no problems on that end) the 8 Plus software subjected me to a two-factor authentication process, which means providing not just my Apple password but a six-digit code that Apple has sent to “your other iPhone.” Huh? The bottom line is that the Apple network now believes that my current phone number ends in “14,” which it never has. The phone number ending in “14,” I suspect, was submitted by the thief in the process of hacking the iPhone 6 Plus and installing a new SIM card. The long and the short is that I’m currently unable to double-authenticate my identity, at least as far as the iPhone 8 Plus’s software is concerned.

One of the senior-level Apple support reps told me that the only way she could make the problem go away was for me to erase my longstanding Apple ID and password and create new ones. “But I’ve had that Apple ID for years and years,” I said. “I’ve bought all kinds of songs and albums with them, and if I switch out all kinds of problems will result. Why should I abandon my Apple ID because a thief has tried to hack my phone and give it a new number?” She said she had to recommend this because she couldn’t fully authenticate my identity over the phone. “But there’s a ton of information I could supply…historical background stuff, bank account #s, purchasing history,” I said. “Why can’t you verify by asking these questions?” She said her protocol didn’t allow for this. I said thanks anyway, etc. A second senior-level tech support guy pretty much said the same thing.

My next move will be to consult with a nearby Apple store “genius bar” person.