Month: April 2022

Greta Gerwig‘s currently filming Barbie, based on a script by Gerwig and Noah Baumbach, is almost certainly not going to be a John Waters film. There would be nowhere to go if she did that. Gerwig is too crafty and edgy and invested in #MeToo consciousness to make a simple-minded, empty-headed flick about Barbie and Ken wallowing in Nothingville.

As far as I can determine there’s only one way for Gerwig to go story-wise, and that’s to make a Barbie variation of The Truman Show. Put another way, Gerwig and Baumbach’s film will most likely be Barbie and Ken Become Woke.

Margot Robbie is Barbie; Ryan Gosling is Ken.

It goes without saying that in Act One Ken will leave Barbie because he’s gay. (Ken has been totally gay since the ’60s.) Barbie herself could decide to go lezzy. Or it could be a 1950s period thing in which Ken and Barbie get married and buy a Southern California tract home and become one of those miserable couples in Martin Ritt‘s No Down Payment (’57). Or it could be set in the ’60s with Barbie becoming a member of the Baader-Meinhof Gang.

Excerpt from Margot Robbie 2021 interview: “Barbie comes with a lot of baggage, and a lot of nostalgic connections. But with that comes a lot of exciting ways to attack it. People generally hear ‘Barbie’ and think, ‘I know what that movie is going to be,’ and then they hear that Greta Gerwig is writing and directing it, and they’re like, ‘Oh, well, maybe I don’t.’”

Warner Bros. will release Barbie on 7.21.23.

The Wiki page for Susquehanna Polling & Research says that the company “specializes in polling services for Republican candidates,” among other concerns. That doesn’t necessarily mean they cook data to please their clients, but there is a question about a seeming lack of neutrality.

That said, a recent SP&R poll strongly indicates that Democratic candidates are going to be slaughtered like lambs next November.

It also makes clear that Average Joes & Janes support Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis‘s “don’t try to indoctrinate young kids (third-graders and younger) with teachings about gender fluidity, non-straight sexual behaviors and trans ideology” bill — otherwise known as the “don’t say gay” bill.

This is why Democrats are going to die next fall. Step outside the urban progressive Twitter bubble and it’s a whole different world out there. The same people who voted for Glenn Youngkin in Virginia are standing with DeSantis now. Same thing with those San Francisco voters (Asians in particular) who voted to eject those moronic woke school board members.

How stupid can the Democrats (and the Biden White House in particular) be? It’s almost like they’re taking out ads that say “please…please don’t vote for us!”

The relentless cigarette-smoking in Drive My Car is what finally wilted my spirit and led me to say “okay, that’s enough of that” during the last half-hour. The awful sensation of cigarette smoke and chemistry-set nicotine poisoning my lungs became too much to bear.

Behold, a just-discovered image for Drive My Car that makes my point. Thank you.

“Worry is interest paid in advance on a debt that never comes due.”

For years I thought this line had originated with David Mamet’s The Spanish Prisoner (‘97). It’s heard during Act One (the section filmed in Islamorada on the Florida keys) and spoken by the late Ricky Jay.

I was mostly wrong. The sentence construction is Mamet’s but the origin of the line appears to reach back to either Mark Twain or English author-priest William Inge. Will Rogers offered his own version.

Worry is a waste of time, agreed, but guilt, a close cousin, serves a noble function. In Broadway Danny Rose (‘84) Woody Allen’s titular figure explains to Mia Farrow’s brusque mafia girlfriend character that guilt “is good…it steers us away from immoral choices and closer to God.” Farrow: “Do you believe in God?” Allen: “No, but I feel guilty about it.”

Earlier today stories broke about first-peek footage from Damien Chazelle‘s Babylon that was shown at Cinemacon. The coverage is okay except for three wrongos — one in a story by Variety‘s Rebecca Rubin, and two reported by The Daily Beast‘s Jordan Julian.

I know a bit about this 12.25.22 Paramount release because (a) I have a 2019 draft of Chazelle’s script (183 pages) and (b) I’ve spoken to two people who caught a rough-cut version of Babylon at a research screening in late March.

Rubin reports that Babylon, a three-hour Hollywood epic mostly set in the 1920s and early ’30s, “puts the spotlight on Brad Pitt as silent film star John Gilbert and Margot Robbie as Roaring Twenties icon Clara Bow.” Her Robbie info is correct but Pitt plays “Jack Conrad”, a silent-film star who faces career difficulties when Hollywood transitions into sound — a character whose arc echoes what Gilbert went through.

Julian claims that Tobey Maguire plays Charlie Chaplin in the film. This assertion may be correct but it’s absolutely wrong according to the two rough-cut witnesses as well as the script, in which no CHAPLIN character appears.

The witnesses say Maguire plays some sort of rich, nefarious gangster-like character who wears a pencil-thin moustache — a bad guy.

“Nothing about Maguire’s performance is Chaplin-esque,” says witness #1. “No British accent, no moustache, no bowler hat, no oversize shoes or cane.”

Julian also reports that Olivia Wilde is in Babylon “and she’s absolutely not,” says witness #1.

Excerpt from Babylon notes I wrote a month and a half ago, based on reports from witnesses #1 and #2: “It’s Vincente Minnelli meets Fellini Satyricon…a flamboyant, envelope-pushing, 185-minute version of Singin’ In The Rain, but with the songs and dancing and smiles taken out. Call it a depravity-tinged survival story about Hollywood transitioning from the silent era to sound, although ultimately spanning three decades (mid 1920s through 1952).

“It’s also been described as The Wolf of Wall Street meets Singin’ in the Rain plus The Day of the Locust, the orgy sequence from Eyes Wide Shut…all combined into a ghoulash and serving the basic Singin’ in the Rain theme.”

Give her time. She’s only been here since 11.17.21. Fanatical kindergarten teachers won’t be pouncing on her for another three or four years yet. Seriously — this woman strikes me as…I want to put this delicately…mildlydangerous if not a little bit of horrific.

This is a reasonably accurate chart of how it’s all convulsed and weirded out since ‘08. The psycho-wokester “de-platform all 40-plus white guys” thing began in ‘17. The difference between Elon Musk and myself is that I still regard myself as a center-left moderate.

Posted on 2.10.09: “On an August morning in 1978,” the story goes, “French director Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris.

“The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes. The driver barrel-assed all the way from Porte Dauphine (the city’s western edge, adjacent to the Bois de Bologne) to the Basilica Sacre Coeur in Montmartre.

https://youtu.be/qQSHT1LDYiE

“On an August morning in 1978,” the story goes, “French director Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris.a

“No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit. The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 mph (or was it kph?) in some stretches. The footage reveals him running a red lights or two, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up several one-way streets.

“Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the film went underground until a DVD release a few years ago.”

HE won’t be seeing this long–delayed Tom Cruise blockbuster sequel until the morning of May 10th.

Straight-from-the-shoulder reaction from Bonasera, The Godfather undertaker: “My beautiful daughter couldn’t even weep because of the smelly feet of the man sitting next to us. And yet I wept. Why did I weep? Because I’ve been watching Tom a’Cruise movies for more than 40 years, and here he still is…still a movie star, still pitching fastballs, still hale and hearty. Okay, so it was filmed between three and four years ago. This doesn’t bother me. Because Tom a’Cruise, he make-ah me cry,”

John Hinckley, who shot but didn’t kill President Ronald Reagan in March 1981, became a featured musical character in Stephen Sondheim’s Assassins (‘90). Perhaps this is what gave Hinckley, partially released from supervised psychiatric care two years ago, the idea of becoming a real-life roving troubadour.

Alas, a forthcoming Hinckley gig in Hamden, Connecticut (Space Ballroom, July 16), has been cancelled due to a sizable negative response.

Imagine that in addition to nearly killing Texas governor John Connolly, Lee Harvey Oswald only wounded JFK on 11.22.63. 40 years later Oswald is released from psychiatric care, and decides to star in a one-man lounge act, “An Evening with O.H. Lee: Poetry, Philosophy, Impressions.”

You can almost set your watch by mainstream Hollywood’s refusal to cast younger actors who bear even a FAINT resemblance to the older actors they’re supposed to be the sons or daughters of.

In Ol Parker’s Ticket to Paradise (Universal, 10.21), Kaitlyn Dever (5’ 2”) is playing the daughter of George Clooney (5’ 11”) and Julia Roberts (5’9”). I’m sorry but tallish parents almost never produce Hobbitt-sized children.

Plus Dever doesn’t even vaguely resemble Clooney or Roberts. Casting directors are infamous for ignoring this basic genetic tendency, but family resemblance IS a stubborn trait. Apologies.

Parker directed and wrote 2018’s Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. Do the math.

Plus the film is supposed to be largely set in the Indonesia’s Bali region, and yet shooting was done in or near Australia’s Queensland resort area. Why? Why not just set it in Oz? I hate movies that do this.