Month: March 2024

Obviously Missed A Few

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This isn’t a definitive, comprehensive correction of yesterday’s “Eliminating 2024 Best Picgture Contenders” piece, but just a post that adds a few titles. The idea, remember, was to differentiate between films that might have a shot at being in the late ’24 and early ’25 Oscar race, and those that obviously haven’t a prayer.

I didn’t mention Jon Watts‘ Wolfs, a George Clooney-Brad Pitt “psychological thriller” of some kind. Why they’ve gone with the non-grammatical Wolfs rather than Wolves is anyone’s guess.

Nor did I mention Robert Eggers’ Nosferatu (how many damn Dracula films
have I sat through?…how many more to come?), Justin Kurzel’s The Order (white supremacist baddies),
Duke Johnson’s The Actor,
Ron Howard’s <em>Eden and Richard Linklater’s Nouvelle Vague (currently filming).

I should have included Alex Garland‘s Civil War as a possible Best Picture contender. Obviously my error but as I mentioned a couple of days ago that there’s no trusting SXSW buzz.

I also should have mentioned Terrence Malick’s The Way of the Wind but any film that’s been in post since 2019 has to be regarded askance or at least with a degree of suspicion.

Speaking as a huge fan of Audrey Diwan’s Happening, her forthcoming Emmanuelle…well, who knows but it appears to be a sapphic variation on Just Jaeckin’s 1974 original, which was primarily about softcore titillation.

Clint Eastwood’s Juror No. 2 also should have been mentioned; ditto Luca Guadagnino’s Queer, a script version of which I’ve been sent and have read about half of.

When Chris Halverson had the temerity to suggest that David Leitch‘s The Fall Guy might become this year’s Barbie or Top Gun, I responded as follows: “You’re farting around by even mentioning this kind of flotsam in an award-season context. You can totally, absolutely forget The Fall Guy, obviously a wank-off, jizz-whiz distraction, in any sort of award-season context. Leitch (John Wick, Bullet Train) is clearly a soul-less popcorn exploiter who’s only in it for the money and the cheap highs.”

I was need to repeat this passage: “Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan are problematic, anti-charismatic actors who alienate as much as attract. At least from HE’s perspective. In my view they are human torpedoes with a bizarre gyroscopic mechanism that causes the cylindrical device to do a 180 once fired and head right back towards the launching submarine. Beware of Keoghan and Mescal!”

The best HE comment about Kevin Costner’s Horizon came from Naido: “Costner is more woke than people remember — he’s just not a post-2016 obsessive. I think his movie will be 10-years-ago-liberal, which will sail by in 2024 though it would’ve taken a beating from 2016-2022. Winds are changing just a bit.”

“Complete Unknown” Chickenshit Nose Strategy

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Back in the bad old 20th Century “hook nose”, a perjorative term about Jews, was used here and there. Wikipedia has a “Jewish nose” page, and the first sentence reads as follows: “The Jewish nose, or the Jew’s nose, is an antisemitic ethnic stereotype, referring to a hooked nose with a convex nasal bridge and a downward turn of the tip of the nose.”

And yet some people of various Middle Eastern tribes (Hebrew, Arab and others) do have hook noses — they’re an anatomical fact of life. And one of them, inescapably and undeniably, belongs to Bob Dylan. Look at the two photos below — there’s no debate.

And yet the fake (i.e., prosthetic) Dylan nose currently being worn by Timothee Chalamet as the filming of James Mangold‘s A Complete Unknown gets underway, is clearly a modified Dylan schnozz — i.e., definitely not hooky.

Why is it an “almost” Dylan nose rather an actual, accurate one? Because Complete Unknown director James Mangold is terified of igniting the same kind of negative social media reaction that slightly tarnished Bradley Cooper‘s Maestro, despite the fact that his Leonard Bernstein prosthetic nose looked totally fine in the film — it just seemed a wee bit extreme in a single black-and-white photo.

Mangold is still taking no chances. He undoubtedly told his makeup department to err on the side of caution. They’ve apparently succeeded.

A Complete Unknown is a ’60s biopic about Dylan transitioning from acoustic folk to electric rock. It costars Elle Fanning, Edward Norton, Nick Offerman, Monica Barbaro and Boyd Holbrook.

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Eliminating 2025 Best Picture Contenders

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From HE’s mid-March perspective, there’s only one 2024 film that looks, sounds and stomps around like a meat-and-potatoes Best Picture contender.

That would be Kevin Costner‘s two-part Horizon: An American Saga (Warner Bros., Chapter One on 6.28, Chapter Two on 8.16).

But of course, wokester Oscar handicappers (i.e., Clayton Davis and the gang) are already against it because it’s about “the expansion of the American west” (i.e., white settlers in covered wagons rolling through Native American territory), and because the Yellowstone-linked Costner is generally perceived as too white, too old and too conservative. One thing’s for sure, and that’s that Lily Gladstone probably won’t be approving this film any time soon! But at least it’s big and eye-filling and going for the big chomp.

I’m putting my money on Horizon and, I suppose, Steve McQueen‘s Blitz because they feel semi-urgent and seem to be occupying their own turf, and have probably figured themselves out to some extent. They may amount to something Oscar-wise because of the commanding energy of their directors.

Otherwise 2024 is clearly looking fairly weak. Last year’s strikes (SAG and WGA) all but ruined our current annum. I’m just going to plow through some of the Best Picture contenders and explain why most of them don’t seem formidable or flinty enough or otherwise unlikely to connect with Joe and Jane Popcorn.

The whizbag stuff aside, Horizon and Blitz seem like the only two 2024 films that don’t feel cloistered or woked up or seemingly guilt-trippy or generally confined and audience-punishing.

Okay, let’s add Ali Abbasa‘s The Apprentice (Sebastian Stan as Donald Trump!), Todd Phillips‘ Joker: Folie a Deux and Paul Schrader‘s Oh, Canada.

What am I missing? What am I overlooking?

Steve McQueen‘s Blitz (Apple Original Films)…London blitzed by German bombs in early 1940s…likely Best Actress action for Saoirse Ronan…strong contender that I was hoping would debut in Cannes two months hence, but now I’m hearing “maybe not” and that Venice/Telluride is more likely.

Edward Berger‘s Conclave (Focus Features)…based on 2016 Robert Harris novel, British-American thriller about finding a successor to a suddenly deceased Pope. Written by Peter Straughan. Costarring Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini. Good reviews, probably not happening.

Ridley Scott‘s Gladiator 2 (Paramount, 11.22) gets an automatic demerit (if not a disqualification) because the dreaded Paul Mescal has the principal lead role, and secondly because Pedro Pascal is costarring, These two guys can kill any film of any kind. A supporting Denzel Washington (playing a former slave-turned-wealthy arms and commodity dealer with a grudge against the emperors”) is the only reason to feel aroused.

Denis Villeneuve‘s Dune: Part Two (Warner Bros.)…likely Best Picture nomination but won’t win.

George Miller‘s Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (Warner Bros., 5.24)

Robert Zemeckis‘s Here…interesting concept…”the events of a single room and its inhabitants spanning from the past to well into the future”, etc.

Joshua Oppenheimer‘s The End (Neon)…post-apocalyptic, bad whitey guilt=trip film….”a wealthy family lives in an underground bunker two decades after the end of the world, which they directly contributed to”….forget it. Tilda Swinton, George MacKay, Moses Ingram, Michael Shannon.

Chris Sanders‘ The Wild Robot (DreamWorks animated)….forget it…a robot Cast Away…not a chance, get outta town.

Andrea Arnold‘s Bird…an automatic problem due to HE anathema Barry Keoghan (weirdo, bee-stung nose) being the star.

Yorgos Lanthimos‘s Kinds of Kindness (Searchlight)….three-part antholoogy…not this time.

Francis Coppola‘s Megalopolis…ambitious, self-funded, out there…do you honestly believe Coppola will slamdunk this? Caveat emptor.

RaMell Ross‘s The Nickel Boys (Amazon MGM Studios/Orion)…abusive Florida reform school drama…white baddies, moral condemnation, constant audience punishment.

Malcolm Washington‘s The Piano Lesson (Netflix)…reasonable expectation of good reviews, probably not happening as a Best Picture contender.

Mike Leigh‘s Hard Truths…maybe but doubtful. You know Leigh.

Pablo Larrain‘s Maria…I don’t want to watch another Larrain film about a mythic, tragic or headstrong female character ever again.

Jason Reitman‘s SNL: 1975 (Sony Pictures).

Jon Chu‘s Wicked (Universal)….forget it

“An Officer and a Spy” Lives!

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Regional journalist friendo: “Last night I finally watched Roman Polanski‘s An Officer and A Spy (aka J’Accuse).

“And you were right to praise it. It’s a terrific serving of meticulous, old-school filmmaking, beautifully directed and shot, with a top-notch cast (Jean Desjardin is sensational) and a story that builds and builds until you are emotionally and intellectually wiped out at the end. Just a beautiful piece of work.

“I’ve long been interested in the Alfred Dreyfus case, not just because I’m Jewish but because Emile Zola is one of my favorite authors, and what he did with J’Accuse was an act of true bravery, going up against the French establishment in such a fearless and principled way, which most likely cost him. It has long been suspected that Zola was murdered by enemies who blocked his chimney flue, causing him to die of carbon monoxide poisoning. He’s a real hero of mine.

“Anyway, the fact that Polanski’s film cannot be shown here is a tragedy for two reasons. One, it’s a monumental piece of work from a great director, and two, given the rise in anti-semitism these days, it seems particularly timely and necessary to absorb. So thank you, Jeff, for sending me this link. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity.”

Umpteenth HE message to #MeToo Stalinists: It’s been four and 1/3 years since the world premiere of An Officer and A Spy at the 2019 Venice Film Festival, and to this day Polanski’s film is still unreleased theatrically or on home video in the US, the UK, Australia and New Zealand.

This is because the #MeToo brigade refuses to acknowledge the fact that the moral behavior of a given artist and the quality of the art created by this artist are two entirely different things. They reside in two entirely separate boxes.

And yet you persist in believing that Polanski’s rep must be permanently tarred and feathered and therefore J’Accuse, too, must be buried or otherwise scrubbed from existence. Because of reputedly credible accusations of Polanski having behaved badly and perhaps even criminally with certain younger women in the ’70s and ’80s. And because the distribution community is terrified of what you’ll say and do if one of their number would even consider streaming J’Accuse.

Polanski the man is not the same package as Polanski the artist. His depiction of awful or ghastly things in his films (he’s never explored Pollyanic fantasy and escapism) has never conveyed a corrosion or poisoning of his own spirit. He understands what goes, how it all works, who the good guys are. This is quite evident in the recently restored The Pianist as well as J’Accuse.

You should understand that this is not a good look for #MeToo, not just now but for all time to come.

Once again, consider a 6.21.12 N.Y. Times article called “Good Art, Bad People“, written by Charles McGrath.

Lost in Lopezville

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This Is Me…Now is Jennifer Lopez‘s ninth studio album (released a month ago — 2.16.24 — fine).

What I’m lost on or way, way behind on (i.e., never paid the slightest attention to) are the two J. Lo films on Amazon — The Greatest Love Story Never Told and This Is Me…Now: A Love Story.

When you hit the This Is Me…Now Wiki page, it says “redirected from Greatest Love Story Never Told“…what?

I’m here to receive instruction…seriously. I don’t know where one begins and the other ends….I know nothing except that we seem to be talking about a lot of self-love here.

@royce.wynner Tiktok is cooking JLO. #jlo #jennyfromtheblock ♬ original sound – Royce Wynn

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Now That Everyone’s Seen “Love Lies Bleeding”

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…presumably some strong reactions are kicking around or festering.

That bizarre Variety story about that Michigan lowlife has me wondering if straight guys are finding Rose Glass’s Love Lies Bleeding provocative on some level.

A friend has called Bleeding (now in its second weekend) “pretty good, like the Greg Araki version of Thelma and Louise, roughly.”

I respected the madhouse aspect, and the fact that it’s hungrily, aggressively sexual. (Which, as previously noted, present-day filmmakers are discouraged from exploring in a heterosexual way**.) Lotsa smooching, slurping, fingering and muff-diving,

Bleeding is like a backwater volcano that spews more and more lava. And it really uncorks the madness during the final third…subversive in a way that I didn’t see coming.

Previously noted: “I flinched a bit when the Glass went in for some light toe-chewing — sorry but the toes in question struck me as too thick and knobby. A voice inside went ‘eeeww, no…too much.'”

** Poor Things doesn’t count.

Who Laughs After Being Gut-Punched?

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A pair of Oscar weekend dust-ups happened last Saturday night (3.9).

The first, reported by Puck‘s Matthew Belloni, occured at Chanel’s 15th pre-Oscar awards dinner at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and involved director David O. Russell and Sanford Panitch, president of Sony Motion Picture Group.

Panitch reportedly tripped over Russell’s crouching or otherwise outstretched leg, which reportedly prompted the hot-tempered Russell to stand up and punch Panitch “hard” in the gut. Except Panitch’s response, according to Belloni, was to “laugh and move on” after realizing who his assailant was.

But how “hard” could that punch have been if Panitch basically shrugged it off? If someone had gone into Sonny Liston mode and slugged me in the solar plexus I would have said “whuoouhff!” and then “what the fuck, dude…it was an accident.” Panitch didn’t even do that — he went “hah-hah!” or maybe “hoo-hah!” and went on his way. Doesn’t add up. Belloni was almost certainly exaggerating.

I tried to get the skinny from one of the horse’s mouths before tapping this out…silencio.

Dust-up #2, reported by THR‘s Kim Masters and Lesley Goldberg, was about Bill Maher firing CAA, which had repped him for 20 years, when they failed to wangle Maher an invite to an elite Saturday night Oscar party thrown by CAA co-chairman Bryan Lourd.

Alas, few tasty details have been offered by Masters and Goldberg. Did Maher ask his CAA agent (Steven Lafferty) to get him into the Lourd party a day or two earlier, or did he get pissy about it after hearing about the party the next day? Did he show up at the party under an assumption that he was on the guest list, only to be turned down at the door? These are important things to pass along or at least clarify one way or the other. Maher canned CAA on Monday, or roughly 48 hours later.

When The Beast Wins

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…we’re all going to die. A lot of Democrats are going to “come home” on election day, agreed, but many others are going to stay home. Joe Bader Biden’s denial, obstinacy and arrogance will almost certainly do the trick (i.e., return a lying criminal sociopath to the White House), and God help us. It’s really the fault of the wokeys, whom just about everyone despises with a furious passion.

Chris Cillizza and Nate Silver are not fools or idiots. They’re wired in. They know whereof they speak.

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Why Would Variety Post A Story About Some Detroit Miscreant Jacking Off During Showing of “Love Lies Bleeding”?

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Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Hey, chief! A guy named Ben Salami (@UglyXKorean) just tweeted about some louche lowlife masturbating during a suburban Detroit screening of Love Lies Bleeding!”

Variety Editor: “Jerking off in a movie theatre? Wasn’t the late Paul Reubens busted for that in the early ‘90s?”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Yeah, but that was in a porn theatre. This happened in a legit multiplex in Southgate, a low-rent suburb of Detroit.”

Variety editor: “And the guy actually pulled out his gross animal member…?”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “And began spanking it…exactly!”

Variety editor: “This is obviously deserving of coverage in the showbiz bible. If I’m not mistaken Variety ran a story about a guy masturbating during a showing of Ben-Hur in Tampa back in ‘59 or ‘60.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Was that during a reserved seat showing?”

Variety editor: “Not sure but we definitely covered it. Plus this’ll help draw attention to Love Lies Bleeding, which needs all the help it can get. And out friends at A24 will appreciate it.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “It’s a ballsy film, if that’s not an inappropriate term.”

Variety editor: “Tell William Earl to write it up, but first get confirmation from Southgate police, of course, as well as the management of the theatre. And make sure that Ben Salami is the tweeter’s actual name.”

Variety Assistant Copy Editor: “Should we run the photo?”

Variety editor: ‘Probably not, but let me check with Jay.”

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Willis’s Arrogance and Dishonesty Has Been A Gift to Trump…Thanks, Fani!

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Because she was in a receptive erotic mood four-plus years ago, and because she gifted her former boyfriend Nathan Wade with a well-paid gig as a senior prosecutor on the Donald Trump election–racketeering case in Georgia, and because she recently decided to lie (i.e., commit perjury) about her romantic timeline with Wade, Atlanta D.A. Fani Willis has done an enormous favor for the foulest sociopath to ever threaten U.S. democracy in this country’s history. Brilliant! Take a bow!

Straight or Shifty?

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I’m not saying Alex Garland’s Civil War (A24, 4.12) isn’t a first-rate film and I’m not saying it’s being over-praised, but I know one thing for sure and it’s this: Always regard South by Southwest hype askance.

Every now and then the adoring tweets are legit (like with Trainwreck a decade ago) but mostly you can’t trust anyone or anything out of Austin. Just sayin’.

A movie about an American civil war that doesn’t lay the Orange Cancer reality on the line? I don’t like the sound of that.

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