I guess I’m sorta kinda wondering why Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, Gary Cooper, Cary Grant, John Wayne, James Cagney…why did we never hear about these guys occasionally bitch-slapping each other during the Oscar ceremonies of the ‘30s, ‘40s and ‘50s?

Probably because their testosterone levels were too low, I’m guessing. They resultantly lacked sufficient manliness — unlike Will Smith, they simply didn’t have the nerve to occasionally throw down and “straighten” each other out.

I first noticed Ted Knight’s wordless cameo in Psycho maybe…40 years ago? He played State Trooper guarding the windowless room that Norman Bates was being held in.

I know, I know…”who’s Ted Knight”?

According to a 3.28 New Yorker interview, Robert Eggers‘ The Northman is in some kind of compromised state. It’s a complex tale, but just read Sam Knight’s article and try to piece it together in your head.

Here’s the short Jordan Ruimy version of what seems to be going on.

Key quote: “Eggers [has] described the editing process as the most painful experience of his life. ‘Frankly, I don’t think I will do it again,’ he said. ‘Even if it means, like, not making a film this big ever again. And, by the way, I’d like to make a film this big. I’d like to make one even bigger. But, without control, I don’t know. It’s too hard on my person.'”

Robert Eggers on #TheNorthman test screenings: “Some audience member wrote, ‘You need to have a master’s degree in Viking history to understand, like, anything in this movie.’ Like, ahhh, fuck.”

(https://t.co/qxcC8KhiiL) pic.twitter.com/mIbFq4imcj

— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) March 28, 2022

HE vs. Daily Beast‘s Marlow Stern, two or three hours ago:

fwiw this oscar moment was way more disgraceful than the slap pic.twitter.com/Lisvr9Vwe2

— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) March 28, 2022

I think we all appreciate this kind of slack and consideration. We could all do better and I, for one, want and intend to.

…if the house-sized Jason Momoa or Dwayne Johnson had been presenting the Best Feature Documentary Oscar. Will Smith would have just sat there and smirked and shrugged it off if one of these two guys had made a GI Jane 2 joke. Because as big as Smith is, these guys are bigger and stronger and he wouldn’t have wanted to flirt with getting stomped. But he knew he could slap Chris Rock and walk away unscathed, and so he did.

This was an observation shared by Howard Stern this morning…Stern’s thought, not mine. And an accurate one.

“The reactions [to the slap], strangely enough, appear to be mixed. Remember, this was an altercation between two Black men, at a time in the Academy’s history where the entire film community is striving to change things for artists of color. So the reaction to Will Smith has been, I think, more muted than it would have been if, say, Bradley Cooper slapped Kevin Costner. Then you’d have long agonizing think pieces about white male privilege and toxic masculinity.

“But what we’re seeing today appears to be a much more somber reception, except for all of the people making fun of it and there are a lot of those too, mostly the people who truly loathe Hollywood and the Oscars (and there are a lot of those too).” — from Sasha Stone‘s “The 94th Oscars — Wild, Weird, Awful and Wonderful.”

Critical Drinker: “Is this gonna tarnish the reputation of Hollywood, or enhance it? What’s actually gonna happen is that more people are gonna tune into next year’s Oscars in the hopes of catching a similar confrontation.”

Still in the toilet but at least they defied Richard Rushfield’s prediction (or morbid suspicion) that they might drop below last year’s calamitous tally of 10 million viewers. And after Will Smith’s bitch-slapping of Chris Rock you know that a certain low-rent sector of the public will tune in next year in hopes of something similar happening. Onward and upward!

For one-third of a second I thought “oh, great!…Bill and Quentin are gonna jump into the Will Smith thing!” But of course, no…this was taped two or three weeks ago. But getting ripped together or even just smoking tobacco and maybe sharing a drink…”guys letting their hair down with the aid of mood-altering stimulants”…this is a good idea.