Posted on 9.15.13: Manhattan life is plagued by many irritations. I hate the fact that subway car doors frequently don’t open for several seconds after the train stops at a station. (In Paris you can manually open the doors yourself with that silver latch handle thing.) But the biggest drag these days (for me anyway) are the slowpokes on the street and especially in the subways.

I’m not saying they have to race around like crazy rats, but what’s wrong with walking with a purposeful stride? Very few do this, it seems, and the ones that are really slow are always blocking the sidewalks in groups of five or six or more. I was going to say it’s the tourists but I’m starting to think it’s almost everyone these days except for X-factor types. For me walking around Manhattan is exhilarating exercise, especially if you walk with a little bounce in your step; for the vast majority it’s apparently something to be endured by reducing energy expenditure as much as possible and shuffling around like 80somethings.

So basically when you’re walking around Manhattan half the game is spotting the “blockers” before you’re stuck behind them and have to sidestep their ass. The ones to watch out for in this respect are couples of any age, older women, heavy middle-aged men and especially urban females of girth.

I first mentioned this eight years ago: “Out-of-towners always seem to walk the streets without the slightest hint of spunk or urgency in their step, like they’re making their way from the bedroom to the refrigerator at 2 ayem in their pajamas and nightgowns. And they’re always wearing those dead-to-the-world expressions. (Writer Fran Leibowitz has described the shuffling gait of tourists as the ‘mall meander.’)

“Every day I’m walking along at my usual spirited pace and these Jabbas and sea lions are always walking ahead of me in self-protecting groups or, worse, three abreast. The idea that they might be blocking people, much less defying the basic transportation law of going with the flow, doesn’t seem to occur to them. Then again, the flow in Jabba tourist areas (Times Square, Rockefeller Center) is very zombie-paced so it probably feels right from their perspective.”

There’s a scene in The Bridge on the River Kwai (’57) when William Holden angrily kicks a non-functioning two-way radio, and suddenly it’s working again. There’s a scene in The Hot Rock (’72) in which a police precinct captain (William Redfield) is told by a subordinate that the phones aren’t working, and he asks “well, did you jiggle it? Did you…you know, fiddle around with it?” There’s a bit in The Empire Strikes Back (’80) when the Millennium Falcon won’t turn over and so Han Solo twice slams a console with his fist and wham…it’s working again.

11 years ago my last and final Windows laptop (I had more or less become a Mac person two years earlier) stopped working in some fashion — it was acting all gummy and sluggish — and so I decided to bitch-slap it a couple of times. Instead of suddenly springing to life, the laptop more or less died. Violence, I realized with a start, was not the answer. Times and technology had changed. I resolved at that moment never to try and William Holden or Harrison Ford or William Redfield my way out of a technical problem again.

Light flurries began to fall around 10 pm in the Wilton-Westport region. I’m posting this because I’d forgotten how cool it is to wake up and look out upon snow-covered woods. Comments are unnecessary — it’s just a nice thing to experience, especially if you’re from West Hollywood.

“Much too long in gestation, too much expectation, not dishonorable but ultimately unnecessary and disappointingly slack. And of course missing some key players from the original.” — tapped out by “brenkilco” on 8.31.21.

“A dingleberry doodle plot involving memory implants and obscured lineage and a secret no one must know (no one! just ask Jared Leto!) and a little wooden horse with a date (6.10.21) carved into the base, and some shit-hooey about original replicant creator Eldon Tyrell having given Rachael, the experimental replicant played by Sean Young in the ’82 original, the organic potential to reproduce and blah blah. And a narrative pace that will slow your own pulse and make your eyelids flutter and descend, and a growing need to escape into the outer lobby so you can order a hot dog and check your messages.” — posted on 8.30.21.

“Fucking way too long” — Ridley Scott, quoted in the Telegraph.

The following passage is from Clifton Webb’s Wikipedia biography. Born in 1889, Webb’s given name was Webb Parmelee Hollenbeck. Thank God for the mind of Noel Coward.

By the way: Gene Tierney‘s Laura Hunt and Dana Andrews‘ Mark McPherson would’ve never lasted as a couple. Laura was attracted to Mark’s good looks, no-bullshit honesty and moral integrity, but she’d become accustomed to a flush, upper Fifth Avenue lifestyle, and that would have been impossible on a Mark’s meager salary. Laura’s ideal husband, of course, would have been a blend of McPherson plus Clifton Webb‘s Waldo Lydecker (money, brains, sophistication).

In a 14-paragraph discussion about various pluses and handicaps affecting the 2021 Best Actress Oscar race, Vanity Fair ‘s David Canfield and Rebecca Ford acknowledge (a) the worthiness of Lady Gaga, Kristen Stewart and Nicole Kidman’s respective performances in House of Gucci, Spencer and Being The Ricardos, and at the same time (b) note that buzz for the films themselves has been settling down. And they salute West Side Story’s Rachel Zegler, of course.

Then they actually manage to mention (in paragraphs #10 and #14) the year’s finest lead female performances, hands down — Parallel Mothers’ Penelope Cruz and The Worst Person in the World’s Renate Reinsve. Which struck me as obliging and accommodating.

For me, Bob Strauss-styled Get Out fetishism signified the beginning of elite woke craziness in movies, and that was four fucking years ago.

Jordan Ruimy hit the nail on the head when he said “we’re living in a very interesting time right now in film criticism. Back in the ’90s, even ten years ago it was such a different spectrum…and now political theory [has] snuck in, and any film you watch now you have to judge it politically, and that’s the way it’s going right now. And it’s infuriating.”

From a 48-minute chat with Ruimy (The Playlist, The Film Stage, We Got This Covered, The Young Folks, World of Reel). If you ask me the most interesting portion happens during the first eight or nine minutes, when we mainly discussed the “woke” support for Jordan Peele‘s Get Out. Again, the mp3. Here are selected transcriptions:

Wells: “This is a movie that traffics in social satire and horror, and basically says there’s a quietly malicious attitude that elite whites have toward people of color, and that they’re trying to turn them into zombies and make them into the kind of people they want…this is a weird metaphor because the same people who are loving Get Out are the people who are depicted in the film, the same malicious whites who are trying to manipulate people of color. The liberals with money and taste and who would’ve voted for Barack Obama a third time…these are the bad guys in the film and it’s this crowd…this liberal crowd is pushing Get Out the most.”

Critic Jordan Ruimy (The Playlist, The Film Stage, We Got This Covered, The Young Folks, World of Reel).

Ruimy: “We’re living in a very interesting time right now in film criticism. Back in the ’90s, even ten years ago it was such a different spectrum…and now political theory [has] snuck in, and any film you watch now you have to judge it politically, and that’s the way it’s going right now. And it’s very infuriating. Even though art should be political in a way. If Get Out had come out ten years ago, we would have totally forgotten it by the end of the year. We wouldn’t have even remembered it. That’s what’s really maddening about this whole thing.

“Do I think Get Out is a good movie? Yeah, I do. As I said I had one hell of a time watching it with a big crowd [at the AMC Boston Common plex]. But to go back to this criticstop10 site which has compiled over 388 critics list, and Get Out made 276 lists in the top ten. It’s also topped the most lists — 46 lists have it at #1. Most of the people who really rave about [it] are Millennials. They always connect it to the woke movement and to the current political climate. If this were ’01 or ’02 hours and there was no woke movement, no critical theory…”

Warning — spoilers contained in the following conversation:

HE: I just came out of Drive My Car.  Obviously a good solemn film that conveys many unsaid things, but slow, long and quite pretentious and even a tiny bit banal toward the end.  Not my idea of the Best Picture of 2021, I can tell you that. Nothing like a little Uncle Vanya to clear out the psyche and open up the closets of suppressed feelings, right?

Friendo: I was totally swept up in it. I didn’t find it banal at all. It is, however, “life-affirming,” so you could make the argument that it’s a feel-good movie dressed in austere Japanese art-film clothing.

HE: That sounds about right.

HE: We will suffer and stumble and weep at times, but go on living.

Friendo: But this isn’t Uncle Vanya! I’ve never much embraced the life-staggers-on quasi-pessimism of that play. Drive My Car uses Uncle Vanya, but it’s a far more bracing and uplifting work.

HE: I lost patience when the young woman driver started telling her longish story about not rescuing her mother from the crushed house. That’s when I said, “Okay, this has gone far enough.”

Friendo: I was completely held by that. Great story…truthful and quietly gripping. Why did you check out of that?

HE: I’m not dismissing it. The scene in which the young actor more or less confesses to having had sex with the director’s late wife…that’s the best scene in the film. I just felt that the familiar and borderline banal payoff (we must all stagger on) was too long in arriving.

Friendo: Good scene. But I thought everything in the movie worked. Thought the last part with the driver was powerful, and that the onstage Vanya stuff was cathartic.

HE: Why did the young good-looking actor beat to death a guy who took his picture? What was THAT about?

Friendo: The guy was sick of getting his picture taken, so he was kind of like a Sean Penn who went too far.

HE: Japan looks so super-developed. So bland, so nothing. So many freeways and high-rises. Depressing.

Friendo: The message of this movie is: We go down into the depths, we touch our tragedy, and we transcend it. We can escape it. That’s not Vanya.

HE: If you say so. What was the female driver doing with his red Saab at the very end? And what was with the dog? That said, I agree that it’s humanistic and even Ozu-like.

Friendo: Yes, and uplifting!

HE: A two-hour film that lasts 179 minutes can’t be uplifting.

Friendo: A quiet humanistic film is never allowed to be three hours?

HE: All I know is that I began rolling my eyes during the crushed house monologue. And they both wouldn’t stop smoking cigarettes.