Jeffrey Wells

I just tried and failed to get into a 2 pm showing of Kleber Mendonca Filho’s The Secret Agent (which I have a ticket to see late Monday morning inside the Grand Lumière), and now I’m seated inside the Salle Agnes Varda to see Raul Peck’s George Orwell doc at 4 pm.

But I won’t be able to see the whole thing (it runs two hours) as I have a ticket to see Wes Anderson’s The Phoenician Scheme at 6pm. If I want to avoid the agonizing Debussy balcony I’ll need to line up by 5:30 pm.

And yet, to be honest, I have a vague “problem” with the Varda. Or my eyelids do. The red Varda seats are so soft and cushy that I may wind up drifting off. I’ve caught a couple of great sleeps here before so don’t tell me. The body wants what it wants.

There isn’t a single aspect of Richard Linklater Nouvelle Vague — a concise, boxy, black-and-white, you-are-there reenactment of the making of Jean-Luc Godard’s groundbreaking Breathless, 66 years ago on the streets of Paris….there isn’t a single scene or line or shot that didn’t strike me as wholly, deliciously authentic and note-perfect.

Thank you, Mr. Linklater, for nailing this…thanks for getting it exactly right.

For Nouvelle Vague is pure pleasure. By my sights, at least. Plus it looks, talks, feels, charms and shuffles around like Breathless itself, of course, and is about as joyful and immaculate as it could be in this regard — a genetically fused companion piece.

The handmade, little-film atmosphere shared by Breathless and Nouvelle Vague is the selling point of course…same vibe, same moves….both feel sharp, nervy, tight but impetuous, nimble, unpretentious — and are both focused, of course, on the same influential chapter in cinema history.

Guillaume Marbeck, Zooey Deutch and Aubry Dillon deliver perfect inhabitings of Godard, Jean Seberg and Jean-Paul Belmondo…they wear their characters well and fully, which is to say with grace, relaxation and confidence to spare.

Will your fundamentally clueless Millennial and Zoomer know-nothings give a shit about any of this? How many under-45s out there have even heard of Breathless, much less seen it?

Or roughly eight hours, start to finish. The Ramsay tops the list, of course, followed by the Linklater and the Peck.

As I only got about four hours of good sleep last night (awakened at 3 am by snoring), I’m heading upstairs to the press lounge. Maybe I’ll find a place to lie down for a bit.

HE tried reserving seats for various hot-ticket (5.21) films this morning between 7 and 7:02 am…sorry! Better luck next year! There’s a word for this situation, and that word is “bullshit”.

Thank God I was able to snag a Bazin ticket to a late screening of Joachim Trier’s film…skin of my teeth.

10:45 am update: I’ve been informed by the festival press office that a “technical issue” is befouling the ticket request mechanism. Tickets are available despite the software saying they’re not, which is quite an “issue” indeed.

Late last night I was toasting some pita bread in “le pad” (8 Blvd. Montfleury), and the heat caused the pita to crack apart, so it had to be retrieved. I used a kitchen knife to scoop it out….zotz! The entire place went black, no power, nothing.

No breaker box in the place itself, but there are several boxes in the hallway. Off, on…nothing. I texted with exclamation points and called the landlord….flatline, silencio. No wifi, no computers. Smart phone or nothing.

Update: it’s now 8:35 am and the landlord hasn’t called or even acknowledged the problem via text.

…if I didn’t admit to feelings of trepidation. Five minutes from starting time (8:25 am)…please don’t piss me off…please enthrall…please.

Earlier this afternoon I suffered through most of Mascha Schilinski’s Sound of Falling, and I want credit, dammit, for toughing it out for just short of two hours. (It runs 149 minutes.)

A hellish, multi-chapter, visually dreary, narrative hop-around from the perspective of a few suffering women and young girls at different times during the 20th Century, Sound of Falling brings the grim and the soul-drain in the usual suffocating ways.

You could say that the soft, muddy, under-lighted cinematography is meant to inject the same shitty, misery-pit, lemme-outta-here feeling the women and girls are experiencing at every turn. Sure, I’ll buy that.

Is Schilinski an auteur — a feisty, willful, go-for-it filmmaker with a persistence of artistic vision and a stylistic stamp all her own (albeit a stamp that brings you down, down, down)? Yes, she is that.

Does her film have something to say? You’d better believe it. It’s saying that 20th Century farm women in northern Germany were miserable as fuck, and that the men were either smelly pigs or abusers or both, and that most of them smoked and a few had massive pot bellies.

Sound of Falling doesn’t make you think about dying before your time, but it does prompt thoughts of escape early on.

On top of which I was sitting in the Grand Lumière balcony, scrunched between two women and with no leg room at all, and my thighs and calves were stuck in a kind of purgatory, suspended between numbness and screaming pain.

But I didn’t leave for the longest time. I wanted to but I couldn’t be the first balcony-sitter to bail. I said this to myself — “no quitting until a couple of viewers go first”.

So I hung in there with the patience of Job, waiting for some intrepid soul to man up and bolt the fuck outta there, but nobody did for the first…oh, 100 minutes or so.

And then a woman got up and walked. And then another. Thank you, sisters, and thank you, my sweet Lord…glory be to God!

I stood up with my bag and retreated to the main walkway, and then decided to watch from a standing position. And then another person threw in the towel. And then another. And then a trio of Zoomers left at the same time. Hey, we’re really livin’ here!!!

I’ve never felt such wonderful kinship with strangers as I did at that moment.

Variety’s Guy Lodge, the bespectacled king of the Cannes filmcrit dweebs, has totally raved about Schilinski’s punisher.

I respect Lodge’s willingness to drop to his knees and kowtow to a feminist filmmaker who has the chutzpah to subject viewers to a drip-drip gloom virus, but at the same time I think he’s either left the planet or had simply decided to praise this fairly infuriating film no matter what.

Average Joes and Janes, trust me, are going to hate, hate, hate this exactingly assembled, artistically pulverizing tour de force.

And Cannes is swamped with ugly super-yachts around this time of year. If the guy who designed the Tesla cybertruck had designed a yacht.,,

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The cabin windows are open, the sun is bright and the cloud-free sky is a gleaming light blue as our SAS flight approaches Copenhagen. It’s 8:26 am in Copenhagen, 2:26 am in NYC and 11:26 pm in Los Angeles. I’ve gotten maybe 90 minutes of sleep, if that. HE’s connecting flight to Nice leaves from CPH terminal 3 at 11 am. Nice touchdown at 1:25 pm.