I agreed to a review-embargo on Neighbors (Universal, 5.9), but I can at least say two things about this not-bad, moderately effective comedy, which is about a pitched battle between a 30ish married couple (Seth Rogen, Rose Byrne) and their party-hound fratboy neighbors (Zac Efron, David Franco, Christophe Mintz-Plasse). One, it brought back that conflict I had with the now-legendary Hispanic Party Elephant, the guy who lived upstairs from my place in North Bergen in ’08 and ’09 — one of the most loathsome life forms I’ve ever had the misfortune to run into. Two, Rogen is not the kind of guy you want to see with his shirt off, much less his pants off and definitely not exposing rolls of milky-hairy belly fat in a sex scene. Lose some weight, trim the yak hair and and apply tanning lotion (just like Burt Lancaster did while shooting The Swimmer) before committing to a sex scene or just keep it covered, bro…give us a break here.
“I was awoken at 4:30 am by the sound of that snoring ape upstairs. Yes, the Hispanic Party Elephant of legend. Who sleeps in a bedroom directly above mine. His snoring is so guttural and persistent that once you’ve awakened there’s no going back to sleep. And the sound of the thonging mattress springs and the bed frame creaking and groaning for dear life when he rolls over is appalling. It’s sublime knowing I won’t have to deal with this guy (who fancies himself to be a crooner, by the way — he sings Spanish love ballads as he clomps down the stairs on his way to work) any more after 10.30.09.” — posted on 10.9.09.