Hollywood Elsewhere’s view is that (a) the Rotten Tomatoes/Metacritic guys are being overly harsh about the shortcomings of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and (b) that despite the overly accelerated first half J.J. Abrams‘ film is at the very least “okay,” as a critic friend remarked two days ago.

As the first commercial screenings are beginning on the east coast as we speak (3 pm Pacific), HE is soliciting any and all reactions.

HE’s latest ranking of all Star Wars features, as of 12.19.19:

1. The Empire Strikes Back (far and away the best, a world-class film noir, a keeper now and forever)
2. A New Hope (very good opener, excellent Alec Guinness, not as gripping as Empire)
3. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
4. The Last Jedi (excellent cinematography, didn’t care for the Luke fake-out finale or the casino sequence)
5. The Rise of Skywalker (if you can get past that first hour)
6. Return of the Jedi (HE will always hate the Ewoks and especially that Endor-celebration-around-a-bonfire ending)
7. The Force Awakens
8. Revenge of the Sith
9. Attack of the Clones
10. The Phantom Menace
11. Solo: A Star Wars Story

From recent DVD Beaver review of Criterion’s Holiday Bluray (out 1.7.20): “Criterion has transferred George Cukor‘s Holiday to Bluray via a ‘new 4K digital restoration‘. In a word, it’s all about ‘grain’. The well-layered contrast also helps the image with more pure black levels and the 1.37:1 framing shows more information (mostly on the side edges). It look so rich and film-like, [and] devoid of speckles or marks. A beautiful 1080 appearance.”

“Grainstorm Horror,” posted on 3.9.18:

I wasn’t the only one who said Cats doesn’t absolutely blow chunks. My words — “It’s not altogether awful…some of it is okay…I didn’t completely hate it” — were semi-echoed by a line from Us Weekly‘s Mara Reinstein, to wit: “I realize ‘It’s not that bad!’ won’t be used in the Cats advertising campaign, but it’s worth noting that the peculiar musical does indeed have merit.”

The San Francisco Chronicle‘s G. Allen Johnson hopped on the same train when he said that the otherwise “bland” musical “has its moments of catnip.”

To the best of my recollection, the first widely-repeated endorsement along these lines happened 24 years ago with Kevin Costner‘s (and to a lesser extent Kevin Reynolds‘) Waterworld. Just after an earlybird junket Joe Leydon was quoted by a USA Today reporter as saying “it doesn’t suck.”

After sitting through Joss Whedon‘s The Avengers seven and two-thirds years ago I wrote that while it’s “corporate CG piss in a gleaming silver bucket”, I didn’t exactly hate it, and that I agreed with MCN’s David Poland that “it doesn’t suck.” Key declaration: “I looked at my watch only once, and that says something, I guess.”

Three years ago I wrote that Ang Lee‘s Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk wasn’t a good film “in an audaciously original, blow-your-socks-off way” but that it “gradually sinks in and delivers.” Which sounded like an amiable cousin of “it doesn’t blow…it’s half okay.”

11 and 1/2 years ago I wrote that I “didn’t hate” Peter Segal and Steve Carell‘s Get Smart remake. “I was expecting it to be awful and it’s not,” I explained. “It is, however, a little dreary to sit through. Okay, more than a little. But despite the depressing atmosphere of surrender to corporate attitude and authorship in every corner of it, Carell‘s Maxwell Smart is half-appealing. He half-creates his own guy and half-channels Don Adams.”

What other films have been…well, given a semblance of a pass in this fashion?

Incidentally: “Not that bad” isn’t the same as “not half bad,” which is mostly a kind of compliment. HE definition: “Not without an issue or two but more than I expected and a better-than-average film overall.” Examples of “not half bad” films — American Made, Stan and Ollie, Hope Springs, Deepwater Horizon, Darth by Darthwest.

Ivan Drago, Hardcore Henry and Save Farris have been purged. I’m deeply sick of the Breitbart influence within HE comment threads, especially in the wake of yesterday’s historic vote.

As I wrote this morning, too much of the post-impeachment conversation seems to be “mostly rightwing horseshit about how the Beast is even stronger and is even more likely to be re-elected because the ranks of loyalists have grown. I’m sorry but HE comments are striking me as way too Hannity and Carlson-like, and it’s making me nauseous. It’s time to cull the herd. I’m especially sick of Save Farris. I’m sick of his ugly rightie narrative. It stinks up the joint.”

RBatz: “What happened here?” John David Washington: “Hasn’t happened yet.”

I’m getting an Inception mindfuck vibe from this Tenet trailer. Reality is bending, not behaving, playing grand tricks, etc. But which character’s wife has recently died? Or is Nolan foregoing this recurring meme?

The concern, apparently, is the prospect of something worse than nuclear holocaust. But the bigger concern (and I regret repeating this) is that John David Washington, whom Chris Nolan hired because of BlacKkKlansman, has blank eyes. Obviously a good-looking smoothie, but lacking that special conveyance that tells you his character (whomever that may be) is a fellow of consequence and smarts with the spark of curiosity.

Another concern is shots of characters jumping from the roofs of buildings. (Or scaling buildings like Spidermen.) I’ve explained over and over that this is a mark of hackery.

RBatz is playing a second banana; Elizabeth Debicki (hired because of The Night Manager and Widows) is playing…what do I know? Nothing. Plus Martin Donovan, Clemence Poesy, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Michael Caine, Kenneth Branagh, Himesh Patel (hired because of Yesterday), Dimple Kapadia and Denzil Smith.

Otherwise it looks great. 70mm and IMAX cinematography by the great Hoyte van Hoytema. Filmed in seven countries — Denmark, Estonia, India, Italy, Norway, the U.K. and the U.S.

Now and forever Donald Trump, the racist, ruthless and sociopathic crime boss and would-be Mussolini, has joined Bill Clinton and Andrew Johnson as one of only three U.S. Presidents to be impeached by the House of Representatives. Eleven counts of impeachment were brought against Johnson, but his primary sin was a violation of the Tenure of Office Act. Clinton was impeached for lying about getting a blowjob, and apart from his Jeffrey Epstein association I don’t think many people regard him as a necessarily heinous or shameful character. History will record that Trump is easily the most odious of the three.

Democratic presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard, Democratic representative from Hawaii, declined to vote in favor of Donald Trump‘s impeachment this evening. Instead she voted “present” — neither for nor against — regarding both articles of impeachment. She’s the only Democratic member of the House of Representatives to have voted present.

What a coward, what an equivocator, what a cipher, what a bowl of equivocating mush.

“After doing my due diligence in reviewing the 658-page impeachment report, I came to the conclusion that I could not in good conscience vote either yes or no,” Gabbard said in a statement. “I could not in good conscience vote against impeachment because I believe President Trump is guilty of wrongdoing.”

Last night I sat and watched Tom Hooper‘s Cats (Universal, 12.20), but I paid as little attention as possible. I figured that was the wisest policy. Just sit there and tough it out and take what comes, and then tap out whatever comes to mind.

I knew Hooper’s film would have no story (as the musical play never had one) and I still haven’t the first clue what “Jellicle” means. It refers to a kind of cat fraternity or community of some kind, I realize, but it’s so bizarre listening to the cast sing “Jellicle” over and over and over.

Cutting to the chase, I just wanted to watch this calamity without feeling bored. Alas, that’s exactly what I was grappling with for 110 minutes. In-and-out, off-and-on feelings of boredom. But there were portions or more precisely slivers in which I wasn’t bored but half-diverted, mildly amused, placated, vaguely touched, etc.

Set in the Trafalgar Square region of London, Cats is never more than a fanciful and story-less medley of tunes and dance moves, performed by some CG-augmented feline impersonators, but — I’m slightly diverting from the scornful mob here — it’s not altogether awful. Some of it is okay. It’s mostly lame, yes, and probably not worth the price of admission, okay, but I didn’t completely hate it. It didn’t make me furious, and that means something.

I’m sensing that fans of Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s show (and remember that it opened in London nearly 40 years ago) may drag their kids or attend as families or whatever.

Then again the Rotten Tomatoes aggregate is now 15% and the Metacritic is 32%. Industry pally: “The biggest critical pile-on since Gigli?”

It really boils down to “how do you like this cat or that one?” Or “to what degree do you find the CG cat makeup alluring or fetching, and to what extent were you charmed and pleased by the various tunes and performances and whatnot?” That’s all you can talk about.

Example #1: “Oh, I found James Corden‘s obese cat more amusing than Rebel Wilson‘s.” Example #2: “Did they have to make their performances entirely about their beach-ball bods?”

My favorite cats were Francesca Hayward‘s Victoria (the pretty lead character) and Ian McKellen‘s Gus the Theatre Cat. True, Hayward doesn’t get you emotionally (she wears the exact same faintly amazed, obliquely smiling expression throughout the film) but she’s lithe and quick and pleasant to hang with. McKellen does get you emotionally, and I was feeling momentarily grateful that he was cast, at least. (If not given the greatest role.)

I was also down with Judi Dench‘s Old Deuteronomy as far as it went.

This morning a filmmaker who gambles wrote that he saw Uncut Gems last night, and that Adam Sandler‘s sports betting is inaccurate. “I just am shocked that Kevin Garnett would be in the film and that somehow the NBA allowed their footage to be used in the film,” he said. I asked him to concisely explain what’s wrong. Here’s his reply:

“The last bet Sandler makes is a three-way parlay. That means he makes three different bets, but they all have to happen for him to win. The good news is that if you win a three-way parlay you get paid six times your bet.

“However, in this particular parlay Sandler makes a ‘proposition’ bet. That means he is betting on the individual performance of a player (Garnett). The problem is that betters are never allowed to have proposition bets in the mix of a parlay.

“Casinos do not just smilingly give you over one million bucks, just like that. There is a long process that almost never includes cash. And there are tax forms and such to fill out.

“Finally, there is almost no such thing as a bookie who takes bets these days. Everything is online (outside of casinos). And the days of sending goons to beat people up is also anachronistic. This would have made more sense if the film was set in the mid 80s.”

Agreements or disputes from other gamblers?

SPHE’s Once Upon A Time in Hollywood 4K Ultra HD/Bluray Collector’s Edition arrived a couple of days ago.

It’s pricey ($75) and over-sized, as the below comparison shows. Doesn’t fit on the shelf like the others do, but there’s the audacity. I’d previously leafed through the Mad magazine “Bounty Law” parody, but it’s cool to own it. I love the 45 vinyl record with the yellow plastic turntable adapter. And I love the additional 7 scenes. Thanks to the Sony promo gang.

Sidenote: I’ve seen OUATIH in theatres two or three times, I’ve streamed it on HD and now I’m watching the 4K version, and dp Robert Richardson chose to shoot with a strangely subdued screen-door or mosquito-net visual effect. And I”m sorry but my eyes are annoyed by this. Richardson never allows you to look at the images without this odd scrim in the way. It’s less evident in open-sunshine scenes (Pitt fixing the TV aerial on the roof) but it keeps returning.

All through the arduous debate over whether or not President Trump deserves impeachment, Republicans have stood by a fundamentally revolting position or viewpoint, which is that the Constitutional provision for impeachment means nothing, that there is no rule of law, that we all live in a realm of haphazard moral chaos and that all U.S. Presidents have pulled slippery shenanigans so what’s the big deal?

This country is nothing without the rule of law, and only a sociopath would argue that standards for Presidential impeachment haven’t been satisfied by the facts uncovered and testified to about the Trump-Zelensky-Giuliani-Ukraine mishegoss. The President of the United States is a liar, a criminal, a would-be Mussolini, an instinctual bullshitter, a bloviater in a china shop and a flatulent animal governed only by arrogant self-interest and jungle-boogie instinct. The Ukraine thing became an impeachment issue because he got caught. It is what it is.

Updated on 12.18, 9:15 am: There have been seven Star Wars films since The Empire Strikes Back, which opened on 5.21.80. For 39 years I’ve been hoping for another that would be as good. None of them have made the grade, and that includes Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, which I saw yesterday afternoon.

I was talking with a critic friend a few hours later, and he said something I more or less agreed with. He said “it’s okay.” That’s a fair way of putting it. And not a put-down.

I didn’t mind the classic fan-friendly stuff (echoes and replays of A New Hope, Empire and Return of the Jedi). There’s a whole lot of this in the second half, but the first half…yeesh. Director J.J. Abrams pushes the action along in such a crazy-ass, pell-mell, Mexican jumping bean way I had a headache within minutes.

Then again Rise is a somewhat better film than Abrams’ The Force Awakens. Or the last 45 to 50 minutes are, at least.

But that first hour is rough. “I don’t think I can take this,” I was muttering to myself. “If it doesn’t slow down I might have to…I don’t know, hit the lobby, walk around, check my phone messages.” But I manned up and toughed it out.

The Rise of Skywalker finally slowed down and became more or less coherent around…oh, the 75-minute mark, somewhere around there.

I took some notes after it ended and sent them to a friend. I won’t spoil anything important, I promise.

“There was a 50something fanboy sitting behind me going ‘aahwwww’ when anything the least bit endearing happened. Or “hah-HAH!” or “whoo-whoo!” when anything the least bit exciting happened.  He wouldn’t stop. It was all I could do to keep myself from turning around and giving him my death-ray look.

“J.J. levitated the [redacted] out of the water and used the exact same John Williams music…great!

“And he re-did the Return of the Jedi finale on the forest planet of Endor with love, joy, hugs and great relief. And he included a lesbian couple kissing and hugging. (A real quickie.) But he also brought back [redacted]!  I thought I’d seen the last of those guys. 

“And I loved returning to a certain desert-like planet…

“I still don’t get why Kylo Ren has to wear a face-shield helmet. Darth Vader did so because his face was disfigured; Ren has a huge schnozz but otherwise has nothing to mitigate.

“Who’s the overweight bearded guy who plays one of the rebel pilots?” It turns out he’s Greg Grunberg.

“Emperor Palpatine was thrown into a black void by Darth Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi. Does anybody ever stay dead in these films? Back in the early ’80s dead Star Wars characters (such as Obi Wan Kenobi) would return as ghostly see-through figures with ice-blue lines around their edges. This happens again in The Rise of Skywalker but that’s all I can say.