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According to a 3.28 New Yorker interview, Robert Eggers‘ The Northman is in some kind of compromised state. It’s a complex tale, but just read Sam Knight’s article and try to piece it together in your head.

Here’s the short Jordan Ruimy version of what seems to be going on.

Key quote: “Eggers [has] described the editing process as the most painful experience of his life. ‘Frankly, I don’t think I will do it again,’ he said. ‘Even if it means, like, not making a film this big ever again. And, by the way, I’d like to make a film this big. I’d like to make one even bigger. But, without control, I don’t know. It’s too hard on my person.'”

Robert Eggers on #TheNorthman test screenings: “Some audience member wrote, ‘You need to have a master’s degree in Viking history to understand, like, anything in this movie.’ Like, ahhh, fuck.”

(https://t.co/qxcC8KhiiL) pic.twitter.com/mIbFq4imcj

— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) March 28, 2022

HE vs. Daily Beast‘s Marlow Stern, two or three hours ago:

fwiw this oscar moment was way more disgraceful than the slap pic.twitter.com/Lisvr9Vwe2

— Marlow Stern (@MarlowNYC) March 28, 2022

I think we all appreciate this kind of slack and consideration. We could all do better and I, for one, want and intend to.

…if the house-sized Jason Momoa or Dwayne Johnson had been presenting the Best Feature Documentary Oscar. Will Smith would have just sat there and smirked and shrugged it off if one of these two guys had made a GI Jane 2 joke. Because as big as Smith is, these guys are bigger and stronger and he wouldn’t have wanted to flirt with getting stomped. But he knew he could slap Chris Rock and walk away unscathed, and so he did.

This was an observation shared by Howard Stern this morning…Stern’s thought, not mine. And an accurate one.

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So last night’s Oscar incident was the first physical attack incident between two famous dudes of color since…when? The first thing that comes to mind was the TV studio brawl between Muhammud Ali and Joe Frazier on 1.26.74. Howard Cosell was the moderator.

“The reactions [to the slap], strangely enough, appear to be mixed. Remember, this was an altercation between two Black men, at a time in the Academy’s history where the entire film community is striving to change things for artists of color. So the reaction to Will Smith has been, I think, more muted than it would have been if, say, Bradley Cooper slapped Kevin Costner. Then you’d have long agonizing think pieces about white male privilege and toxic masculinity.

“But what we’re seeing today appears to be a much more somber reception, except for all of the people making fun of it and there are a lot of those too, mostly the people who truly loathe Hollywood and the Oscars (and there are a lot of those too).” — from Sasha Stone‘s “The 94th Oscars — Wild, Weird, Awful and Wonderful.”

Critical Drinker: “Is this gonna tarnish the reputation of Hollywood, or enhance it? What’s actually gonna happen is that more people are gonna tune into next year’s Oscars in the hopes of catching a similar confrontation.”

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Still in the toilet but at least they defied Richard Rushfield’s prediction (or morbid suspicion) that they might drop below last year’s calamitous tally of 10 million viewers. And after Will Smith’s bitch-slapping of Chris Rock you know that a certain low-rent sector of the public will tune in next year in hopes of something similar happening. Onward and upward!

For one-third of a second I thought “oh, great!…Bill and Quentin are gonna jump into the Will Smith thing!” But of course, no…this was taped two or three weeks ago. But getting ripped together or even just smoking tobacco and maybe sharing a drink…”guys letting their hair down with the aid of mood-altering stimulants”…this is a good idea.

…how to save the Oscars, at least in terms of ratings. Will Smith may be an overly coddled rich bitch grappling with inner demons (or, as David Poland put it, “an uber-wealthy, entitled, pampered, self-indulgent punk”) but last night he broke through all the pretense and decorum and just said “fuck it, ahm gonna whack Chris across the chops!”

And suddenly the show no longer seemed stricken with woke cancer…well, it was and still is, but Smith gave it a shot of mad, unruly, West Philadelphia energy and thereby gave everyone a reason to go “good God, he may be an entitled animal but that sure was fun to watch and re-watch, and loads of fun to kvetch and moralize about!”

Plus the Academy Museum (“Woke House”) suddenly has a new idea for a killer exhibit that will attract tourists by tens of thousands.

Matt Walsh commentary link…

I too was immediately…uhm, puzzled when Daniel Kaaluya and H.E.R. strolled onto the Oscar stage last night with Toto’s “Africa,” of all the songs in all the world, providing tuneful accompaniment.

You can take the man out of West Philadelphia, but you can’t take West Philadelphia out of the man. In a flash, all the self-supporting facades and belief systems that we’ve wrapped around ourselves can just disintegrate and suddenly we’re 16 again…