8:00 pm: Boyhood wins Best Motion Picture, Drama. IFC Films’ Jonathan Sehring on the mike. Gang’s all up there. All in. All over.

7:56 pm: Theory of Everything‘s Eddie Redmayne wins Best Actor, Drama. Also expected. So who wins the Best Actor Oscar, Keaton or Redmayne? I’m just shutting the MacBook Air off now…battery down to 14%! Game over, man.

7:52 pm: Julianne Moore wins Best Actress GG award for Still Alice. Not a shocker, totally expected, etc.

7:46 pm: Shocker win for Grand Budapest Hotel…but very cool at the same time. Hooray for Wes Anderson and the gang. Easily the biggest upset of the night.

7:33 pm: Birdman‘s Michael Keaton wins for Best Actor, Comedy/Musical. “I’m extremely grateful.” I hate tapping this out on the damn phone. MacBook Air battery down to 23%.

7:28 pm: Ruth Wilson wins Best TV Actress award for The Affair. HE-approved.

7:24 pm: Boyhood‘s Richard Linklater wins for Best Director. That settles it — Boyhood wins for Best Motion Picture, Drama.

7:19 pm: George Clooney‘s acceptance speech for Cecil B. DeMille award will be…well-written. It was well-written! And well delivered. We all forgive him for Monuments Men. “Thanks for helping to keep small films alive.” “If you’re in this room, you’ve won the brass ring.” “We will not walk in fear…we won’t do it…je suis Charlie.” Hey, he didn’t pronounce it “SharLEE”!

7:04 pm: Kevin Spacey’s recollection of a moment with Stanley Kramer was straight and succinct and touching. Spacey won acting award for “House of Cards.” MacBook Air battery is down to 34%.

6:55 pm: The Affair wins for some TV-related honor…best miniseries or TV series? Too noisy here. I hate people who try and hoard seats or who say “I’m sorry but it’s saved.” Who says? Everybody’s just hopping around…relax. On the other hand I just saved a seat for Bumble Ward.

6:44 pm: Winner of Best Foreign Language film is HE’s own Leviathan or, In the words of the GG presenter, “LuhVEEathan!” The announcer absolutely slaughtered the director’s last name –I.e., Andrey Zvyagintsev.

6:35 pm: A TV award? Okay…I get to relax. Okay, Jeffrey Tambor wins for that, uhm, trans-gender thing…cool. MacBook Air battery down to 49%

6:27 pm: Best Screenplay Award handed out by Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader. And the winner is the screenplay for Birdman! HE’s own! Disqualified by WGA because not all the guys are guild members. Harbinger?

6:21 pm: I’m this close to just saying the hell with it and filing tomorrow morning or whenever. I hate writing on the iPhone. Huge Fox party tent wifi fail.

6:16 pm: Jared Leto: “Je suis Charlie.” GG for Best Supporting Actress goes to Patricia Arquette….expected, deserved, fine.

6:04 pm: Best Actress, Comedy/Musical — Amy Adams in Big Eyes? Never saw this coming. Who predicted this? No buzz, no tingle…fine. Macbook Air battery down to 60%.

5:59 pm: The great Fox party tent wifi crash! Matt Bomer wins GG for his performance in The Normal Heart. Okay.

5:37 pm: I’m sorry but it’s easier to ignore the TV nominees and winners…no offense. Not ignore them but…you know, not write about them. I get to relax a bit more that way.

5:23 pm: Sorry…I was over at the bar…missed the last few minutes. Billy Bob Thornton: “You can say anything in the world [these days] and get in trouble. So I’m just gonna say ‘thank you.'” My Macbook Air is in serious trouble — battery down to 80%.

5:12 pm: J.K. Simmons, as expected, has won the Best Supporting Actor award. Announced by Benedict Cumberbatch and Jennifer Aniston. Thanking Miles Teller, “a young actor of such maturity and brilliance”…don’t be a pervert, man. “Thank you, mom and dad.” I’m not sure how long my battery is going to last…it’s only 5:15 pm and it’s already down to 85% and I forgot to bring the power cord. At this rate I’ll be lucky to last an hour. I’ll just have to use the iPhone when that happens. Or just go to Twitter.

5:08 pm (Pacific): It’s probably wiser to just listen to the Tina Fey-Amy Poehler routine. How did the Bill Cosby joke go down?