And I don’t feel the least bit persuaded that sitting through the 90-minute version might be a good idea. This is exactly the kind of ultra-synthetic, X-treme adventure, CG overload, Indiana Jones-aspiring, family-friendly horseshit movie that, in my mind, is killing the idea of conveying real adventure. Now watch Jungle Cruise make a healthy profit when it opens on 7.30.21. Because most American moviegoers — be honest — have no taste.

I’ll wager that the sound design on the opening credits section of The African Queen alone has 18 times more intrigue and integrity than all of Jungle Cruise.