9:04 pm: As first reported by Scott Feinberg, Bonnie & Clyde costars Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway are presenting the Best Picture Oscar. And with all of the Best Picture nominees getting a 35- or 40-second clip reel, it’ll be a while before they announce that La La Land is the winner. Announced at 9:09 pm! The winner of seven Oscars. It all pretty much went down like expected. Wait…wait …Moonlight has won Best Picture??? Moonlight??? Mr. Beatty tries to explain what happened — the envelope said “Emma Stone — La La Land.” Mind-blowing!

8:54 pm: Leonardo DiCaprio presenting the Best Actress Oscar to Emma Stone…right? Yes! A gracious acceptance speech. Everybody gets a “thank you” for helping and hugging on this “crazy adventure.” Breathless!

8:48 pm: Brie Larson presenting the Best Actor Oscar to (this is a fairly big one, the only truly suspenseful moment of the night) Casey Affleck! The SAG vote was smoke! So Manchester has two Oscars, at least, and the comment threaders who predicted less than this can suck it. Mara Buxbaum gets her second shout-out of the night! Casey prevails, fair is fair and all is well.

8:42 pm: Halle Berry (what’s with the hair?) presenting Best Director Oscar to Damien Chazelle for La La Land…yes!

8:31: Manchester By the Sea director-writer Kenneth Lonergan wins for Best Original Screenplay. Yes! Mara Buxbaum gets a shout-out! Thanks very, very much, Mr. Lonergan. And the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar goes to Moonlight’s Barry Jenkins and Tarell Alvin McCraney.

8:27 pm: Kimmel’s satirical riff on Matt Damon’s performance in We Bought A Zoo (and Cameron Crowe’s writing of some of the dialogue) is hilarious. Has a movie ever been taken down on an Oscar telecast on such a fashion? Crowe can take comfort that the humor is all about Damon vs. Kimmel, or, you know, about getting Damon. Ben Affleck‘s tuxedo is ill-fitting.

8:20 pm: The Death Reel. Did they have time to fit Bill Paxton in? Jennifer Aniston‘s mention of Paxton in her introduction suggests they didn’t. Nope — no Paxton. You could’ve done it, guys! Thumbs down.

8:16 pm: I for one am no fan of Scarlett Johansson‘s hair style…no offense. The Oscar for Best Song goes to La La Land‘s “City of Stars” — Justin Hurwitz, Justin Paul and Benj Pasek. “Queen of the West” Lisa Taback gets a shout-out!

8:13 pm: Samuel L. Jackson presenting Oscar for Best Original Score to La La Land‘s Justin Hurwitz. Deserved!

8:05 pm: John Legend‘s performance of “City of Stars” plus the midnight-blue-tinged-with-violet lighting plus the choreography hits the spot.

8:02 pm: Ryan Gosling‘s mean bone-structure tweet was/is perfect. Most of these are pretty good. “I think Jeff Bridges wears pants a lot less than we think he does.” Robert De Niro‘s “eff you” was great!

7:59 pm: Does La La Land win for Best Cinematography? Yes! La La Land is safe. The “possible surprise upset” talk ends now.

7:53 pm: Something like ten awards left to go, and Jeff Sneider has seven of them going to La La Land. Ya think?

7:45 pm: Best Documentary Short Subject Oscar goes to The White Helmets. Best Live Action Short Film Oscar goes to Sing.

7:38 pm: Best Editing Oscar goes to Hacksaw Ridge‘s John Gilbert. What is that, two for Hacksaw and one for La La Land so far? Or something like that? Definitely no La La sweep. I don’t get the Hacksaw love. Overboiled, overbaked, emotionally on the nose, etc. Nick Nunziata: “I didn’t see the same Hacksaw Ridge all these voting assholes saw.”

7:30 pm: Felicity Jones and Riz Ahmed presenting the Visual Effects Oscar. The Jungle Book, right? Yes.

7:20 pm: The tour bus guys can’t put their cameras down…brilliant! They’ll have grade-A video of this moment on YouTube a hundred times over, and they can’t put their cell phones down to save their lives. The reflex can’t be suppressed. And their wardrobes! Denzel pronouncing the Chicago couple husband and wife…that was good. A moment of generosity. Read Nathaniel West‘s “The Day of the Locust.”

7:15 pm: Production design Oscar being given to La La Land…the curse has been broken.

7:08 pm: Hailee Steinfeld and Gael Garcia Bernal presented Best Animated Short Film Oscar to Piper…whatever. GGB: “As a human being, I am against any sort of wall that wants to separate us.” And now the Oscar for Best Animated Feature…Zootopia!

6:55 pm: Charlize Theron‘s tribute to Shirley Maclaine‘s performance in Billy Wilder‘s The Apartment (’60) is well expressed and very moving. Maclaine and Theron presenting the Oscar for the Best Foreign Language feature, which of course will be Asghar Farhadi‘s The Salesman. Farhadi is of course not here due to the Trump administration Muslim ban and particularly his solidarity with those who’ve been denied entrance to this country.

6:41 pm: Mark Rylance presenting the Best Supporting Actress Oscar to Fences‘ Viola Davis — totally locked and pre-ordained. Well deserved, to say the least. And wow, is she pouring it on! A human violin/volcano/firestorm in a red dress. “Captain, oh captain, my Denzel Washington!” Kimmel: “Viola Davis just got nominated for an Emmy for that speech.”

6:36 pm: Conservative-minded, Meryl Streep-scowling Vince Vaughn introduces the honorees who were previously honored — Jackie Chan, Frederic Wiseman (absent tonight), editor Anne V. Coates, legendary casting director Lynn Stalmaster.

6:26 pm: Sound Editing and Mixing Oscars being presented by Sofia Boutella (who?) and Chris Evans. The Sound Editing Oscar goes to Arrival (Sylvain Bellemare..this is an upset?), and the Sound Mixing Oscar goes to Mel Gibson‘s Hacksaw Ridge. La La Land has now lost two of its nominated categories, but that’s okay.

6:25 pm: Cheryl Boone Isaacs without her trademark back-rimmed glasses? Okay, if you say so.

6:14 pm: Dwayne Johnson — a man unburdened by even a semblance of taste, a man who would have a fatal stroke if someone offered him a change to be in a good movie — introduces one of the Best Song nominees, “How Far I’ll Go.”

6:08 pm: Hidden Figures‘ Taraji P. Henson, Janelle Monae and Octavia Spencer “(Algebra’s angels”?) Yo, Katharine Johnson (age 98!). The Oscar goes to Ezra Edleman‘s O.J.: Made in America…of course. Well, it has been predicted for several weeks, no? Edelman: “This is for Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman…and victims of police brutality.”
Kimmel: “O.J., you get an extra slice of baloney on your sandwich tonight.”

6:04 pm: Great movie-lore Rolex commercial!

5:58 pm: Kate McKinnon and Jason Bateman present the Makeup and Hairstyling Oscar to the Suicide Squad guys. Whatever…congrats. And the winner of Costume Design Oscar goes to Colleen Atwood for her work on Fantastic Beasts. Great, terrific, feel the pride. Huh?

5:46 pm: Alicia Vikander strides on stage to present Moonlight‘s Mahershala Ali with his Best Supporting Actor Oscar. The blogaroos did this — they decided — and then the critics groups and guilds thought it over and followed suit.

5:36 pm: Jimmy Kimmel isn’t a “bring us together” kind of guy, and Mel Gibson isn’t the man for that task either. Kimmel #1: “When I first met Matt [Damon], I was the fat one.” Kimmel #2: “I’d like to say ‘thank you’ to President Trump. Remember last year when the Oscars seemed racist?” Kimmel #3: “Isabelle Ooohpair is here.” Kimmel #4 re Captain Fantastic: “Too often the Academy recommends only movies that people have seen.” Kimmel #5: “Nice dress, by the way…is that an Ivanka?”

5:33 pm: Justin Timberlake and friends have the place rockin’ & boppin’, but who created that silver gleaming glitzy bullshit horseshoe-shaped stage? Are you fucking kidding me? 85% Las Vegas with a touch of Orange County.