The latest HE redesign involves keeping the classic HE header logo except with a new selfie photo (taken two days ago) popped in, and below that an automatic slider that features the top three stories. I really, really love this slider thing, I swear — coolest new idea ever. After the slider you just go right into other stories…bing, bing, bing. If you’re reading the column on a laptop you’ll see other stuff on the side, but if you’re reading it on a smart phone (which is what 80% to 85% of the readership does these days) the photo on the right and other aspects won’t appear, or they’ll be pushed below or something.

But the days of being able to see the whole HE header logo in a single glance when you go to the home page on your phone will soon be over, I’m afraid. Because this is the new frontier, the new way, and that old fogey shit has to be put to bed.

Getting through the HE redesign has been mostly hell…backbreaking, patience-testing, soul-draining. While I’m automatically in love with anything that makes HE look cooler, sleeker or more exciting, I am DEAD SET against pointless change. Emphasis on the word “pointless.” If a design aspect looks good (distinctive, grabby, well-balanced) and is perfectly fine, why fuck with it?

All I can tell you is that almost every design aspect and sub-aspect has been reconfigured, and that I’ve been feeling like Kirk Douglas fighting off the tentacles of that giant squid in 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. Because everything about the site has been tweaked, fiddle-faddled, changed, modified, re-thought, downsized, ignored, reduced, shuffled around, slightly altered, re-approached and slightly re-designed. And it’s been a constant battle to beat that shit back.

Jett told me to stop being a diva. I answered that “if being a ‘diva’ means refusing to go along with pointless aesthetic downgradings — making the new version look less aesthetically satisfying than it is now — and feeling exasperated when repeated requests to maintain current, perfectly satisfactory quality levels are either ignored or only partially followed and adapted to with half-measures, then I am a DOUBLE TRIPLE QUADRUPLE JEAN-JACQUES BEINEIX DIVA WITH BELLS ON and wearing CHERRY-RED LIPSTICK.”