Tonight the Santa Barbara Film Festival will honor five outstanding directors — Whiplash‘s Damian Chazelle, Boyhood‘s Richard Linklater, Foxcatcher‘s Bennett Miller, Citizenfour‘s Laura Poitras and The Imitation Game‘s Morten Tyldum. Moderator Scott Feinberg will, of course, be expected to avoid any questions that won’t be kissy-face in nature, but if he wanted to conduct a Mike Wallace-style interview, what would his questions be? Tyldum would be asked for his opinion on the Weinstein Co.’s “Honor The Man, Honor The Film” Phase Two campaign. Miller would be asked if his next film will be another creepy downer. Poitras would be asked to comment about some people’s opinion that it would have been somehow more noble for Edward Snowden to surrender to U.S. authorities and do a couple of decades in jail. Advance warning: I’m going to ask Chazelle to put on Ed Douglas’s “Yo, Whiplash!” hat so I can snap a photo.

Niki Caro‘s McFarland USA (Disney, 2.20), which screens this Saturday at the Santa Barbara Film Festival, has been given a mixed-respectful review by Variety‘s Justin Chang. In keeping with the politically correct view that white guys are a drag and ethnics are more planted and soulful, Chang complains that the film, a Hoosiers-like tale of a downmarket Latino track team winning big, “is treated as a Kevin Costner vehicle first and foremost.” Pic “earns points for its big-hearted portrait of life in an impoverished California farming town, but with its overriding emphasis on how Coach Costner fits into that world, it never sheds its outsider perspective, ultimately emerging a well-intentioned mix of compassion and condescension.

“Not unlike The Blind Side, McFarland, USA is likely to generate some criticism for being the umpteenth film about a white guy productively intervening in the lives of underprivileged minority youth — a charge that has less to do with the facts of Jim White’s genuinely inspiring legacy than with the particular dramatic emphasis that Caro has given them here. Pic “feels at once mildly progressive and unavoidably retrograde. It presents brief, obligatory snapshots of how the other half lives without ever seeming deeply invested, or even particularly interested, in what it’s showing us.

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The first screening of Terrence Malick‘s Knight of Cups, apparently another “stream-of-consciousness”, tossing-high-the-lettuce-leaves experience with a dessicated Hollywood slant, will happen at the Berlinale this Sunday at 7 pm, or 10 am Los Angeles time. The first tweets should begin to circulate in the early afternoon. Knight of Cups is a kind of time-capsule film as it was mainly shot in 2012. Last year Malick’s editor Billy Weber told The Playlist that Cups is “less experimental and less dialogue-free than To The Wonder“…okay. On 1.29 producer-financier Ken Kao offered a brief synopsis to the Hollywood Reporter‘s Pamela McClintock: “Christian Bale plays Rick, who is a screenwriter and filmmaker living in California. From the outside, it looks like he has everything. Inside, he’s empty in a lot of ways, and this is his journey of figuring out a way to fill the void.” Or, in other words, a plot-free, head-trippy variation on the well-worn theme about vacant or corroded Hollywood — an idea first hatched by Budd Schulberg in What Makes Sammy Run? (’41) and then in Robert Aldrich and Clifford Odets‘ The Big Knife (’55).

Terrence Malick, Christian Bale during the 2012 filming of Knight of Cups.

I wanted to watch Keira Knightley do the When Harry Met Sally orgasm scene, but I had to sit through a lot of bullshit besides. It’s part of Jason Bell’s “British Invasion” short film in Vanity Fair‘s Hollywood issue. Tom Hiddleston and Felicity Jones doing Beatty and Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde…not good enough. James Corden doing Bill Clinton…nope. And Judi Dench, no offense, doesn’t really nail “I’ll have what she’s having.” Basically a bust.

The coolest…okay, the most striking aspect of Mark Seal‘s Vanity Fair piece about the Sony hack is Sean McCabe‘s Photoshopped image of Seth Rogen, Amy Pascal, Michael Lynton and James Franco outside the Sony gates. The article includes a few intriguing quotes and anecdotes, but it’s essentially a boilerplate recap of a story that everyone followed as it happened, and it doesn’t really deliver anything new or fresh or wowser. Seal went out there and did some good dutiful reporting, and the piece is smoothly written. But when I came to the end I went, “Wait…that’s it?”

The opening solo bit (which you could process as a tribute to steel-welder Jennifer Beals in Flashdance) is terrific, but then it shifts back into the same old whoo-whoo, hedonistic, male-stripping realm that Channing Tatum inhabited in Steven Soderbergh‘s original Magic Mike, and which he grew out of by the end because he’d fallen in love with Cody Horn and realized where the stripper lifestyle was leading. So Magic Mike XXL (Warner Bros., 7.3) is about (a) relapse! and (b) “forget all that growing into maturity and building on your future in furniture design” stuff.

“The Imitation Game is far from a brave movie in any way when it comes to Alan Turing’s personal life,” says The Daily Beast‘s Tim Teeman in 2.3 article called “The Imitation Game‘s Big Gay Lie.” “It backtracks on his sexuality, and for [the film to] to now wear its gay-pride badge to get liberals on side for Oscars votes is laughable and ludicrous.

“To boil it down: fantastic campaign, but the most cowardly, wrong-headed film to hang it on.”

The Weinstein Company release “focuses on the cornerstone of Turing’s work, cracking the German Enigma Code of World War II,” Teeman notes, “[but it] barely addresses Turing’s sexuality. We see no relationships, no trysts, no sex — and this from a film that now wants the repeal of convictions of men like Turing persecuted under a law based around gay sex.”

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“Set in some kind of verdant, overgrown, foreclosed-upon urban shithole pockmarked with abandoned homes and scuzzy buildings, Lost River is really out there and a lot of it (okay, most of it) is driven by what could politely be called dream logic. That’s a nice way of saying some of it doesn’t make a lot of basic sense. There are mentions of a collapsed economy and a woman having taken out a home loan that she shouldn’t have so it’s obviously a post-2008 realm. There are predatory creeps roaming around like the feral bad guys in Robocop, and there are little pockets of normality and decency and respect for life and property. There are things that happen every so often without apparent motivation but with films like this you have to roll with the imaginative flow.” — from my 5.20.14 Cannes Film Festival review.

No Exit “is a depiction of the afterlife in which three deceased characters are punished by being locked into a room together for eternity. It is the source of Sartre’s especially famous and often misinterpreted quotation ‘L’enfer, c’est les autres’ or ‘Hell is other people’, a reference to Sartre’s ideas about the perpetual ontological struggle of being caused to see oneself as an object in the world of another’s consciousness.”

An Instagram post indicates these shoes are owned and being worn by Todd Gilchrist, film critic for TheWrap, The Verge and The Playlist. I realize some might say I’m no one to talk with my fondness for canary-yellow sneakers, but these are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen in my life, hands down. I used to think that gray cross-training shoes were the worst…no longer! Light yellow, light teal, pink and dark blue with a revolting light gray sole. Just saying. Wow.