When I saw Whit Stillman‘s Damels in Distress (Sony Classics, 4.6) in Toronto last September I felt it was too arch by half. Stillman’s films (Metropolitan, Barcelona, Last Days of Disco) are always about people with money and social connections who live in their own rigorously neurotic world. Barcelona is Stillman’s best because it allows the real world into this realm. Damsels, sorry to say, feels entangled in a system of forced whimsy, like it was shot on the grounds of an insane asylum for hipsters.

“By the time Damsels in Distress winds its way toward its closing musical number — a singing, dancing outdoor ensemble rendering of George and Ira Gershwin‘s ‘Things Are Looking Up’ — its romantic charms, meager to begin with, have worn thin, like a tweed jacket gone threadbare at the elbows. The thing has the feel of a vanity project, lacking urgency — like the work of a gentleman filmmaker who doesn’t have to work.” — from Stephanie Zacharek‘s Movieline review.

The combination of Lou Lumenick‘s N.Y. Post review of Titanic 3D and Mekado Murphy‘s N.Y. Times dissection of the enhancement of James Cameron‘s 1997 film has me looking forward to the finest 3D conversion of my moviegoing life …maybe. And if it doesn’t live up to this, watch out.

I’ll be seeing Titanic 3D twice within the next 27 hours — at 6:30 pm tonight at a Burbank AMC plex via the not-highly-respected RealD and accompanying Sony 3D projection system, and at 11 tomorrow morning at the UltraLuxe Anaheim 14 in Anaheim, where I’ll see a Panavision 3D version.

Will someone tell me why Paramount has decided to have its all-media screening at a plex run by the notorious AMC chain (which is referred to in certain high-end projection circles as “All Movies Compromised”)? Will it be shown in the same theatre that MCN’s David Poland caught Titanic 3D in on 2.14? I’m asking because what Poland saw resulted in the following reaction: “I found myself wanting to take the glasses off repeatedly [because] it’s like watching the movie through a filter. Call it darkness, call it clarity, call it what you like…the movie takes such painstaking efforts to get every detail right…I want to see the imperfections…and with those glasses on, I could not.”

Paramount showed the Titanic 3D preview footage at its big swanky theatre on the lot last fall. Why are they subjecting media invitees to a long arduous shlep out to Burbank, and during rush hour yet? Just so they can pack the screening with Titanic fans? This tells me Paramount doesn’t truly respect the full technical potential of Titanic 3D. It tells me they just want the money.

It’s only a trailer, but I’m getting a very glossy, gay Vegas vibe from this thing (Warner Bros./New Line, 6.15). Obviously lampooning and worshipping the excessive ’80s rock scene, reducing everyone — stars, fans, roadies, musicans, hangers-on, up-and-comers, managers, rock journalists — to cliche. Director Adam Shankman has never been a purveyor of depth. An intensely shallow Almost Famous, or so it would seem.

Deadline‘s Mike Fleming has seen it and said Tom Cruise kicks it…fine. But the essence of what this film will be is obvious.

Here’s the wrong-aspect-ratio trailer that Deadline posted this morning:

As explained this morning by Slashfilm’s Russ Fischer, a guy named Jeff Desom “built a sort of 3D digital model of the apartment courtyard from Alfred Hitchcock‘s Rear Window, and then composited all the events seen from the window of Jimmy Stewart‘s apartment during the film into a single shot.” But that horrible music Desom chose makes it painful to sit through.

Yesterday morning Sasha Stone, Phil Contrino and I kicked around last weekend’s box-office, Titanic 3D, The Hunger Games, next weekend’s openers, etc. Sasha actually believes that the enormous success of The Hunger Games, an unrelievedly mediocre film, might result in a Best Picture nomination, and that excluding it from consideration will be an affirmation of 62 year-old Academy white-guy values. Here’s a stand-alone mp3 link.

Male immaturity = guys going through the superficial motions of adulthood but essentially acting like they’re 16 or 17. Par for the course. But a guy holding onto a teddy bear? Wahlberg makes a great film like The Fighter and it’s exhilarating, and then he shows up in his recent paycheck films (The Other Guys, Contraband, Ted) and it’s like “this is the best you could do?”

I’ll be attending Cinemacon 2012 for four days and nights. Arrive Monday, 4.23 and check out on Friday morning, 4.27. Big-studio splash, early screenings, product reels, personal appearances, etc. Got a good four-night deal at the Hard Rock for only $278. Southwest RT is only $160. $440 so far…maybe another $250 for food, cabs & knick-knacks. No gambling, drinking or comfort of strangers.

“What if you just used the found footage gimmick during the scary parts?,” Badass Digest‘s Devin Faraci wrote on 3.20. “That’s what Eduardo Sanchez, co-director of The Blair Witch Project, does with Lovely Molly. The main character (Gretchen Lodge) is haunted by (or thinks she is haunted by) a malevolent spirit. Whenever the spirit approaches she picks up the camera and we go from a standard narrative to a first-person-camera POV. It’s effective.

“Lovely Molly is a decent film, but what really intrigued me was the way the found footage aesthetic — including night vision — was integrated into a traditional narrative feature. In some ways this only highlights the gimmick nature of first person POV, but so what? This aesthetic is a gimmick — sometimes an effective one, but one nonetheless.

“The film is structured in a way that makes you guess whether Molly really is haunted or whether she’s relapsing into drugs and a paranoid state. It all hinges on Lodge’s performance, and I found her magnetic and intriguing, so it worked for me.”

Here are several SXSW reviews of Sanchez’s film.

An email from Down Under’s Mark Sheridan reads as follows: “I saw your blog briefly on Australian TV yesterday [in a piece about] a US news story about the backlash against Jennifer Lawrence‘s body shape in The Hunger Games. They used your ‘big-boned lady‘ quote from your review of the film.”

I’ve tried re-posting what I actually said and meant and nobody cares. What should I do, just give up and plead guilty? I merely said that Lawrence doesn’t have a toothpick frame (which is obvious) and that she’s physically bigger than costar Josh Hutcherson (which ahe absolutely is). You know what? To hell with it. Once these simplistic stories take off nobody wants to read the original — they just accept the copied quotes and ignore the source.

Yesterday Chicago Sun Times columnist Bill Zwecker passed along Lawrence’s alleged reaction to certain comments about her physique, which came to him second-hand:

“A source close to the actress told me Sunday that the Oscar nominee had a sarcastic reaction to some of the critics,” he wrote. “‘This is hilarious,’ Lawrence has allegedly said. ‘First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal.’ She reportedly added that overly thin body images ‘are too often adopted by young girls and women — thanks to what they are constantly being shown as being attractive.'”

In a related development, Kate Winslet (once allegedly referred to as “Kate weighs-a-lot” during her youth in the mid ’90s) has said that Leonardo DiCaprio has gotten “fatter” since they made Titanic 15 years ago.

Forget narratives, Movie Godz, Derek Cianfrance, Funny or Die…staff meeting videos are everything, all of it…the finality and totality. Miles Fisher, the Tom Cruise-like agency honcho, is really good. Directed by Dave Green, written by Henry Gayden, produced by Ryan Hendricks.

David Lynch‘s Crazy Clown Time is…what is it? Definitely about young bouncy breasts in a dark backyard. Angsty metallic garage band sounds. Whose back yard? Those wood beams slamming into barbage cans…aaah, man! Big barbecue flames. Two blondes and a brunette. Floundering. Crazy Clown Time album out now.