7:57 pm: WHAT? I spoke too soon! 12 Years A Slave takes the Best Motion Picure, Drama award? Yes! This wasn’t in the cards, or certainly didn’t seem to be. You can plainly see that director Steve McQueen is dumbfounded — “I wasn’t expecting this!,” he just said. An amazing finale….totally unexpected. And totally justified. Wow! Obviously a very close vote with Alfonso Cuaron having won Best Director.

7:51 pm: Jessica Chastain presents the Best Actor, Drama Golden Globe to Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyer’s Club. Good speech that he tried out last week in Palm Springs. 12 Years A Slave is most likely a total shut-out. We need to hear from Vulture‘s Kyle Buchanan, who declared last September that Slave was a total lockdown for Best Picture. McConaughey: “This film has always been about livin’…it was never about dyin’.”

7:46 pm: The great Cate Blanchett wins Best Actress, Drama for Blue Jasmine. Not too much of a surprise. Great speech! Admittedly augmented by “several vodkas.”

7:44 pm: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio!” — Tina Fey.

7:39 pm: Here comes the Best Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical ward, presented by a pregnant Drew Barrymore (who looks as big as a house). American Hustle wins, of course. “Which movie will take the big award of the night?” the announcer asks. I think we have that figured out, right? Nothing to do with slavery! An FX-driven space suspense movie (“Sandra Bullock lost in a haunted house but the house is space” — Alexander Payne) is cooler!

7:27 pm: Jennifer Lawrence presenting the Best Actor, Comedy/Musical, and the Golden Globe goes to Leonardo DiCaprio!!! “I never would have guessed I would have won for Best Actor in a Comedy,” etc. In a general career sense, he means, but also because Leo regards Wolf, however hilarious it is throughout, as a deadly serious portrait of a malignant culture. Leo gives an elegant, eloquent acceptance speech. Being waved off by the orchestra. Yay, Leo!!!!

7:21 pm: Brooklyn Nine-Nine wins for Best TV Series, Comedy/Musical. “Winning this award is way better — way better! — than saving a human life!” the top guy says. What an asshole! The runners-up were The Big Bang Theory, Girls, Modern Family and Parks & Recreation.

7:17 pm: Gravity‘s Alfonso Cuaron takes the Best Director Golden Globe. Good technical job, Alfonso! Every “aaah!” from Sandra Bullock rocked my soul. So Gravity is going to win for Best Motion Picture, Drama? Nice one, HFPA! Well, we knew 12 Years A Slave was in trouble with this group. Cuaron’s “herpes”/”earpiece” joke was pretty funny.

6:57 pm: During her Woody Allen tribute acceptance speech, Diane Keaton contemplates death, or rather Woody’s famous remark about it: “I don’t want to live eternally through my work — I want to live eternally by not dying.” (Or words to that effect.) She mentions that while Francois Truffaut‘s films will be savored for a long time to come, “that’s not much help to Francois Truffaut.” (Whose grave, by the way, I visited back in ’87 — it lies in the Cimitiere du Montmartre.) Why did the sound cut out on Keaton’s speech? Two or three seconds were blipped out. Did she say something profane?

6:57 pm: Amy Poehler wins for Best Actress in a TV Series / Comedy or Musical, beating out Zooey Deschanel, Lena Dunham, Edie Falco and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Fine, whatever. I don’t watch small-screen comedy series.

6:44 pm: Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon presenting the Best Actor, TV series of TV drama. The winner is Michael Douglas for Behind The Candelabra — no problem with that at all! A delicate, very touching performance. Douglas to costar Matt Damon: “The only reason you’re not here is because I had more sequins, okay?”

6:34 pm: How does Orlando Bloom get to be an award presenter? He’s been over for years and yet…there he is! The Great Beauty wins for Best Foreign Language FIlm? Due respect but Blue Is The Warmest Color is a richer, finer film — more penetrating, more commanding, more intimate. Not that I’m dismissing Paolo Sorrentino‘s film, which I quite liked when I saw in last May in Cannes.

6:34 pm: Andy Samberg‘s Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which I’ve never seen and probably never will see unless I happen to be at a friend’s home and they happen to turn it on, wins for Best TV Series / Comedy or musical. How many winners tonight haven’t been urged to wrap things up by the orchestra?

6:31 pm: Laura Dern introducing Nebraska, shout-outs to Alexander Payne and Bruce Dern, lah-lah…fine.

6:29: Spike Jonze‘s Her wins for Best Screenplay. Richly deserved! It beat out Nebraska, Philomena, 12 Years A Slave, American Hustle.

6:21 pm: The Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor, presented by Christoph Waltz, goes, of course to Dallas Buyers Club‘s Jared Leto. Yes! Affectionate call-out to Indiewire‘s Anne Thompson, who said right after the Toronto Film Festival debut of DBC that Leto’s performance was nothing special and that it wouldn’t prove to be award-quality (or words to that effect). Shout-out to Deadline‘s Pete Hammond for predicting at the same Toronto party that Leto’s performance was like Chris Sarandon‘s in Dog Day Afternoon.

6:20 pm: “Dying is easy — comedy is hard. I believe Shia Labeouf said that.” — Jim Carrey.

6:04 pm: Robert Downey, Jr. hands Best Actress, Comedy/Musical to American Hustle‘s Amy Adams. I guess that cinches it and then some — Hustle is going to win for Best Motion Picture, Comedy/Musical. Everyone has been predicting this, I know, but now it’s locked in.

6:04 pm: Jon Voight has won a Best Supporting Actor for his work in Ray Donovan. Rob Lowe sure was terrific in Behind The Candelabra.

5:58 pm: Why didn’t “Please Mr. Kennedy,” the parody song from Inside Llewyn Davis, win for Best Song? By far the most entertaining, the most amusing, etc. I don’t even remember how “Ordinary Love,” Bono‘s song from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, goes. Nobody does.

5:51 pm: Alex Ebert, the All Is Lost composer, wins for Best Original Score. Does this indicate that Robert Redford will for Best Actor, Drama? I think it might. HE commenter “Brad” owes me a fucking apology if Redford wins. He’s out there. He knows who he is. I predicted earlier that if Redford wins he’s not going to say anything. He’s going to cower like a little chipmunk.

5:48 pm: Philomena‘s Steve Coogan and the real Philomena Lee (whom I interviewed a few days ago and chatted with last night at the Paramount party) present footage from Stephen Frears‘ Philomena.

5:39 pm: Bryan Cranston wins a Golden Globe for Best Actor in a TV series or drama for his work in Breaking Bad…a Walter White-is-dead, it’s-finally-over tribute. Uh-oh, whoa!…Cranston just called BB‘s creator and exec producer Vince Gilligan a “genius“….you’re not supposed to use that word ever. EVER. Under any circumstance. Breaking Bad wins for Best Dramatic Series…terrific. Aaron Paul is wearing a black tuxedo!

5:35 pm: Nice recover by Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie when the Golden Globes tech guy (can his ass!) puts up the wrong teleprompter dialogue.

5:27 pm: Elizabeth Moss‘s performance in Sundance Chanel’s Top of the Lake (which I’ve ever seen) win for Best Actress in TV series or TV movie…getting played off by the orchestra.

5:23 pm: Steven Soderbergh‘s Behind The Caldelabra wins for best TV mini-series or TV movie. Producer Jerry Weintraub accepting….”drink the vodka and hold the statue.”

5:15 pm: It takes Jacqueline Bisset a good 20 or 25 seconds to recover from the shock of winning a Golden Globe for Dancing on the Edge….and then another minute or so to make it up to the podium. And then she takes a long time to drag out her “thank you” remarks. Is she bombed? And then the music tries to push her off and she shushes it. “Go to hell and don’t come back”…good line! Meaning what again? All hail Dancing on the Edge, which I might rent on Vudu sometime soon. Maybe. Probably. Maybe not.

5:11 pm: Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock handing out Best Supporting Actress award, and the award goes to…Jennifer Lawrence? Not a good omen for the HFPA fortunes of 12 Years a Slave — I’ll tell you that right now. No way in hell is Lawrence’s performance, spirited and crudely amusing and colorful as it obviously is, more award-worthy than Lupita Nyong’o‘s…no way.

5:01 pm: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler monologue: “Welcome to the Lee Daniels’ The Butler Golden Globe Awards”…what? Robert Redford shout-out. An Armond White joke! Poehler to Matt Damon: “Don’t take this the wrong way but tonight you’re basically a garbage-person.” (Armond needs to tweet about this right now.) The import of Gravity is that George Clooney “would rather float away into space and die rather than be with a woman his own age.” Nice little lowbrow, shoutout-to-females diss of Wolf of Wall Street….thanks, guys! Poehler: “After 12 years A Slave, I will never look at slavery the same way again”…fuck does that mean?

3:30 pm: Screw it — I’ve decided against attending both the Golden Globe viewing party I’ve been invited to as well as the three after-parties (Universal, Weinstein, Fox). There’s some kind of tingly-achey crap in my system and I want to give my body a chance to fight it off. I fly to Sundance/Park City on Wednesday, and I can’t fuck around. The GG commentary begins at 5 pm Pacific. Perhaps I’ll even throw in some red-carpet reactions. What kind of tuxedo will the shameless Aaron Paul wear? Something in deep maroon with a nice sparkly lapel?