Beardo's Last Shot

Steven Spielberg, Tony Kushner and Daniel Day Lewis‘s Lincoln will be a sad story, an Oscar-worthy collaboration, a possibly legendary performance…who knows? But it will be primarily be about Kushner’s screenplay and capturing something very familiar. Words, dialogue, history…one of those films that owes a certain allegiance to what has already been imagined by millions. So it will be, in a sense, constrained by this. But Spielberg‘s War Horse, which will open on 12.26, could be another matter. Maybe.

I haven’t read Lee Hall and Richard Curtis‘s War Horse screenplay or seen the B’way play, but my vision (which I feel is wise) has always been that it’s Au Hasard Balthazar surrounded by World War I — the story of an innocent creature made to suffer by selfish, warring, myopic men. And given the simple tone and spareness of the story, it follows that War Horse will probably be the last chance that Spielberg, who’s a lot closer to the end than the beginning, will have to make a piece of poetic, possibly wondrous arty-farty cinema for a mainstream audience.

Spielberg can get away with arts gratia artis because he’s Spielberg, and the Academy will love him for it, I believe, if he tries. Robert Bresson led the way; Spielberg has only to follow. But if he shoots the play — an integrated, multi-character drama in which the horse is central but only one of many characters — in typical manipulative Spielbergian fashion, then we will truly be finished in the minds of person like myself. He will have had his chance to make a largely non-verbal masterpiece, told from the POV of a horse, and blown it. I’m not hoping for this. I’m hoping that Spielberg lives up to the potential. But we all know his tendencies, don’t we?

This question can be answered now, of course, by anyone who’s read the script. Well?

Cutting Corners


From Rovert I. Hedges’ 8.25.10 Amazon review: “Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus has all the stars in the cheese universe perfectly aligned: ridiculous title, ludicrous plot, complete lack of knowledge about sharks, octopi, or the military weaponry needed to fight them, preachy environmentalist plot points, terrible acting, and cast members that Ed Wood could only dream of, most notably Debbie “Shake Your Love” Gibson and master cheesemaker Lorenzo Lamas. It’s a perfect conflagration.”

No man-made environment gives me such a feeling of profound peace as a well-stocked hardware store. Taken at West Hollywood’s Koontz Hardware — Sunday, 3.20, 3:35 pm.

Dodge

Why didn’t they call this movie One-Armed Surfer? And I say this as someone who really and truly liked John Stockwell‘s Blue Crush, which this film is presumably trying to emulate on some level. I realize that One-Armed Surfer wouldn’t attract the Star-reading empties this movie is presumably aimed at, but still….Soul Surfer?

Anyone who seriously surfs knows it’s like worshipping at a great cathedral and communing with the eternal, so they’re a soul surfer to begin with. Having your arm bitten off by a shark or learning to live with a handicap is not, due respect, as soulful as the considerable zen of surfing itself. All I know is that the title has told me to avoid this film (opening on April 8th) at all costs.

Network Stooges on Movie Greatness

The trailer for tonight’s ABC special called “BEST IN FILM: The Greatest Movies of Our Time” (9 pm) has me sputtering and gagging and spitting at the computer screen. My feelings of contempt for those who participated in this show — producers, guest hosts, hoi-polloi voters — are boundless. Harrison Ford agreed to take part in this?

Watch and listen to co-hosts Cynthia McFadden and Tom Bergeron and try not to think of “correcting” them Jack Torrance-style.