If a movie title sounds cool, sometimes that can be half the game. I’ll bet a lot of people decided they half-liked Stanley Kubrick‘s Full Metal Jacket even before they saw it because the title had that schwing. Same with Richard Lester‘s A Hard Day’s Night. And double ditto for Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal‘s Zero Dark Thirty, the currently-rolling action drama about SEAL Team Six’s killing of Osama bin Laden.

“Zero Dark Thirty” is “a military term for a non-specific hour when it’s still dark outside,” according to a 3.3 Screen Rant piece. That’s a little too opaque and sprawled out. How about just saying it means “pitch black outside” or “dark as fuck”?

Zero Dark Thirty reportedly costars Joel Edgerton, Kyle Chandler, Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Mark Strong, Chris Pratt and Fares Fares.

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, the words I chose in my analogy of the Sandra Fluke situation led to the loss of advertising dollars from Sleep Train Mattress Centers, Quicken Loans, Select Comfort and AutoZone.

“I always say whatever I want to say, but in characterizing Ms. Fluke as a ‘slut’ and ‘a prostitute’ for testifying to lawmakers about wanting the school to amend its health insurance to cover contraception, I incited a situation that endangered my show’s financial health and the security of my family. So obviously my choice of words was not the wisest. I therefore apologize to Ms. Fluke with the hope that this will all go away and I can revert back my usual usual.”

By clapping your hands three times you can (a) rid the world of God-fearing Christians like Kirk Cameron, (b) rid the world of Islamic fundamentalist wackos who believe in the stoning of women and regard the U.S. as the Great Satan, (c) both or (d) achieve nothing at all.

A highly questionable source informs that a select group of 1.85 fascists met in Manhattan this morning to discuss the impact of Acorn Media’s Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Bluray (4.24), which will be presented in its original 1.33 to 1 aspect ratio. The source surreptitiously recorded part of the meeting and provided a transcript.

Fascist #1: So what’s this about again? I don’t have a lot of time.

Fascist #3: Neither do we but…please, sit down. This’ll just take a moment.

Fascist #1: (Exhales) This was a 1979 BBC show that was made for TV screens, so the idea of Acorn presenting a cropped version at 1.66 or 1.85 is absurd.

Fascist #2: It’s just a concern we have about 1.33 or 1.37 in general. As illogical as it might sound, we have to enforce a standard. I think we really have to nip this kind of thing in the bud. We have strong connections with the folks at Criterion and with C.C. Baxter and Glenn Kenny, and we’ve maintained cordial relations with Robert Harris.

Fascist #3: Malleable aspect-ratio standards will just lead to chaos. This is the essence of any fascistic philosophy. Uniformity is vital. If there’s any way a boxy image can be whacked down to 1.85, it has to be whacked down to 1.85…no ifs, and ands or buts. I mean, down to 1.78.

Fascist #1: Oh, for heaven’s sake!

Fascist #2: Between this and the Masters of Cinema dual-aspect-ratio release of Touch of Evil…I’m just saying that if we don’t do what we can to block this, things could get out of hand.

Fascist #1: What are you guys so threatened about? We’ve got the world thinking that almost all non-Scope films exhibited after 1953 should be shown at 1.85 or 1.78. C’mon, we’ve won!

Fascist #3: “Winning” isn’t enough. We have to exterminate every last dissenter.

Fascist #1: A couple of nutters like Jeffrey Wells are the only ones screaming about this, and nobody listens to Wells anyway. 1.85 or 1.78 rule the roost so what difference does it make if Acorn puts out a 1.33 aspect ratio Bluray now and then?

Fascist #2: And if someone else releases a 1.33 Bluray of a United Artists film for some perverse reason, we just…what, say nothing?

Fascist #1: Yes! Ease up!

Fascist #3: If we’re going to control this thing, we’ve got to really control it. It has to be 1.78 or 1.85 all the way. No exceptions. It took us a long time to win over Leon Vitali on that 1.78 Barry Lyndon Bluray — that was a major victory. Do you think that just happened?

Fascist #1 (getting up, putting on coat): You guys do what you want. I think you’re being excessive. I have to take my daughter to a swimming lesson. Have a nice Saturday.

From the TV Shows on DVD copy: “After releasing it on DVD format in 2002, 2004 and 2011, and following the popularity of the recent film remake starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth, Acorn Media has decided to release the 1979 BBC mini-series Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy in high-def Blu-ray Disc format.

“Available at general retail on April 24th, the 2-disc set with all 6 episodes starring Alec Guinness (Star Wars, The Bridge on the River Kwai) for $59.99 SRP in the USA, and CA$74.99 SRP in Canada. Running time is 324 minutes for the main feature, which is presented in the original full screen 1.33:1 video aspect ratio, but at a 1080p resolution. Audio is English 2.0 Dolby Digital, and English subtitles are also on board.”

Deadline‘s Mike Fleming is reporting that 31 year-old Swedish actor Joel Kinnaman will play the Peter Weller “Murphy”role in Jose Padilha‘s Robocop remake for MGM. But why Kinnaman exactly? This strikes me as a left-field call.

The video interview above shows Kinnaman to be an intelligent, appealing fellow, but at the same time it doesn’t exactly suggest that he’s any kind of rock star in the making — let’s be frank here. A safe box-office hire would have been Jeremy Renner or Michael Fassbender or someone in that realm.

The apparent bottom line is that MGM doesn’t want to pay for a name-brand action star, and Kinnaman is affordable.

Fleming writes that Kinnaman “most recently turned in a memorable performance in the Daniel Espinosa-directed Safe House.” Translation: Kinnaman had a rock-solid fight scene with Ryan Reynolds, but it wasn’t exactly a career-making appearance. Fleming says he “burst on the scene in the AMC series The Killing,” but if you check the trailer Kinnaman clearly had a secondary role. Prior to The Killing he starred in the Espinosa-directed Snabba Cash (’10), but nobody ever saw Snabba stateside so whaddaya whaddaya?

If Padilha’s Robocop is anything like Paul Verhoeven‘s 1987 original, Kinnaman will spend at least half of his screen time be clomping around in robot garb anyway. It’s not like he’s being hired to play Stanley Kowalski or costar in a remake of My Dinner With Andre.

Fleming writes that “Hollywood is desperately trying to find male stars that studios can build movies around” — that much is definitely true.