Hollywood Elsewhere respectfully regards Mike Kaplan‘s “2001: A Garden of Personal Mirrors,” a long-buried song composed for Stanley Kubrick‘s 2001: A Space Odyssey, as the aural equivalent of dandelion fuzz.

Talk about a composition that not only doesn’t complement the 1968 classic but strenuously argues with everything it is, was and ever could be…it’s just stunning that Kaplan could have hoped that Kubrick might find it to his liking. I just gave it a listen and I couldn’t even make it to the end.

Excerpt from Vanessa Thorpe‘s “Space Oddity: Song Rejected by Kubrick for 2001 released after 52 Years“, posted yesterday (1.17) in the Guardian.

“’I know it doesn’t sound like anything else, and I am not sure how I managed to work it out,’ said Kaplan, 77. ‘I could never do it again. But it is great to hear it being played.’

“The publicist was challenged to write the song, ‘2001: A Garden of Personal Mirrors’, during a meeting with Kubrick and MGM records after they had all listened to the demo tape of another song that had been intended to help promote the film. Declining to use the downbeat tune, Kubrick turned to Kaplan, who he knew wrote music and who he felt understood his film: ‘I hear you write music. Why don’t you write something?’ he said, according to Kaplan.”

Country music legend Garth Brooks, 57, will sing a song at Joe Biden‘s 1.20 inauguration, as part of the swearing-in ceremony. “This is not a political statement, [but a] statement of unity,” Brooks said in a press conference. “This is kind of how I get to serve this country. I’ve played for every president there since Carter, with the exception of Reagan. This is an honor for me to get to serve…no matter who the president-elect is, it’s an honor to be asked.”

Garth Brooks supports Bernie Sanders?? IM DONE WITH HIM pic.twitter.com/E5szlKBCGV

— Brent Terhune (@BrentTerhune) February 28, 2020

Shameless, clueless…words fail. In the wake of the 1.6 insurrection and the mass bumblefuck armed-militia insanity that her husband ignited and fanned the flames of over the last four or five years, not to mention the racial animus, this morning Melania Trump actually had the nerve to urge Americans “to focus on what unites us, to rise above what divides us…to always choose love over hatred, peace over violence and others before yourself. Together, as one national family, we can continue to the light of hope for future generations.”

Whoa, wait, hold on…maybe it’s me, maybe I’m a little fucked up or something but did she just say “as one national family“?

If Melania had any class or character or backbone at all she would have given a different speech. She would have somehow managed to say, in at least a roundabout manner if not in so many words, “I’m truly sorry…I married this monster for the money, but I never thought he would cause so much damage to this country…I’m very sorry…please forgive me.”

Yes, she also said “violence is never the answer and will never be justified” but she isn’t in a position to preach that. She’s arm in arm with The Beast, and has no moral authority whatsoever.

A Farewell Message from First Lady Melania Trump pic.twitter.com/WfG1zg2mt4

— Melania Trump (@FLOTUS) January 18, 2021

People‘s Ale Russian is reporting that Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have concluded that their relationship (aka “Benana”) was “a trip to the moon on gossamer wings.” That’s Cole Porter-ese for splitsville.

Their affair kicked in while costarring in Adrian Lyne‘s Deep Water, an erotic thriller that began shooting in New Orleans on 11.4.19. So it lasted roughly a year, perhaps a little more.

“Source” to Russian: “Ben is no longer dating Ana. She broke it off. Their relationship was complicated.” HE translation: They were fighting tooth and nail. Kicker: “Ana doesn’t want to be Los Angeles-based and Ben obviously has to since his kids live in Los Angeles.”

Ben Affleck, Ana de Armas.

HE completely and wholeheartedly guarantees that “Ana doesn’t want to settle in Los Angeles” was not a big factor in the breakup. At most it was an “also” factor. I’m guessing it had something to do with Ben’s demons (“Ben continues to want to work on himself”), and a little something to do with Ana’s Cuban blood, which can run suddenly hot and then cold. You know that expression “crazy Cubans”?

The People story reports that de Armas moved into Affleck’s Los Angeles home last August, or roughly five months ago. Plus “a source previously confirmed to People she [had] placed her Venice, California, home on the market.”

Ana wouldn’t have done that if she wasn’t totally sold on Benana. Most prudent people in a newish relationsbip would take things one step at a time and keep the Venice home in case things don’t work out, But she’s Cuban so she went in whole hog.

I adore you, you’re perfect, we’re soulmates, daily orgasms, life is heavenly, I’ll move in and we’ll be together for years…nope! Changed my mind after four or five months of cohabitation.

How will the bust-up affect Affleck’s Best Actor campaign for his performance in The Way Back? Not to sound crass or cynical but I think people will now feel sorry for the guy to some extent. Sympathy votes! The reverse would be true if he had dumped Ana, but she gave him his walking papers. Or at least, that’s what they’re saying.