Don’t Look At Ears

Fair warning: If you don’t want to get hung up about the shape of ears on certain people, you have to make a serious effort not to look at them in the first place. Seriously, don’t go there. Because once you look at one pair of funny ears (or a person with one funny ear and one normal one), you won’t be able to stop and from then on your entire observational life will be about ears, ears, ears, ears, ears and more ears. And once this kicks in, there’s no escaping it. So I’m warning you with absolute sincerity — don’t start.

What’s Wrong With This Poster?

We all understand William Shakespeare‘s version (or vision) of Richard III — a bent-over hunchback with a large nose, unequal legs, a shrivelled arm…”deformed, unfinished.”

And yet the King Richard who appears in the poster for Stephen FrearsThe Lost King (portrayed by Harry Lloyd) stands straight and tall without a hump on his back or any other noticable deformity, and smiling peacefully to boot. Which leaves the viewer no choice but to ask “why?”

Shakespeare aside, there’s no question that the actual, original Richard III had a deformed spine, and we’ve all seen how Laurence Olivier, Ian McKellan, Ralph Fiennes and Al Pacino have shuffled around, almost like Charles Laughton‘s Quasimodo. So right away you’re saying “what the fuck?”

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Transformation

43 and 1/3 years ago Laurence Olivier, recipient of an AMPAS Life Achievement Award, delivered one of the most movingly written and eloquently phrased thank you speeches in Hollywood history. So moving that at the 6:03 mark Jon Voight all but doubled over and was close to tears…one of the greatest “oh, wow!” reactions to a speech in Oscar history.

The 41 year-old Voight, who won a Best Actor Oscar later that evening for his performance as a paraplegic in Coming Home, was clearly open to all kinds of currents and vibrations at that moment, and yet 30 years later Voight had become a staunch rightie and a serious hater of Barack Obama. What a long, strange trip of a life.

That said, Voight, fiend that he’s become, has always been a great actor. I loved his grizzled fixer character in Heat.

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Never Again…Ever

And you know what else? HE is going to compile a list of critics who went triple-quadruple apeshit over Jane Campion‘s film when it premiered at Telluride. I will do so in the service of a thought that’s worth contemplating: “How can you trust any critic who would sing bizarre arias and urge you to see such a grim, joyless and oppressive slog of a film?”

The critics who did ecstatic cartwheels over The Power of the Dog are the reason that people hate critics.

HE was mixed: “To me watching The Power of the Dog felt like work; it made me feel vaguely trapped. I walked out scratching my head and muttering ‘what?’ No fist fights, no gunshots, etc. And clearly the work of a gifted filmmaker. But it wasn’t for me. I knew that within minutes.”

Unreliable Narrators

To use a Michael Caine-ism, Self-Styled Siren (aka Farren Smith Nehme) has blown the bloody doors off the urban myth about John Wayne being so angry at Sacheen Littlefeather for reading Marlon Brando‘s statement about declining the 1972 Best Actor Oscar that he had to be restrained by six security guys lest he physically assault or throw her off the stage.

Was Wayne, standing backstage, angry about the Brando statement? Yes, he was. But the rest is almost certainly bullshit, folks! Probably “never happened,” says Self-Styled Siren. It’s basically a tall tale that’s been passed along from one shady narrator to the next for decades.

So who’s at fault? Littlefeather, 75, is the most recent myth-bearer. SSS reports that Littlefeather didn’t actually witness an enraged Wayne being restrained by security guys. Or maybe she did…who knows? On 8.16.22 NPR quoted Littlefeather claiming that Wayne “attempted to assault me onstage…he had to be restrained by six security men in order to prevent him from doing exactly that.” Two days later she told Variety‘s Zack Sharf that Wayne “came forth in a rage to physically assault and take me off the stage. And he had to be restrained by six security men in order for that not to happen.”

The suspicion is that Littlefeather has primarily been repeating what she’s heard or has come to believe. Considering Wayne’s longstanding reputation as a racist conservative who once called Native Americans “greedy” for not sharing land with white settlers, Littlefeather, a Native American activist, is understandably sympathetic to any anti-Wayne narrative that comes along.

Who hatched the myth about Wayne being restrained? The original bad guys, SSS reports, are late Oscar show producer-director Marty Pasetta and (apparently) British writer Joan Sadler. But the biggest bullshitter…okay, the most questionable storyteller was Sadler, it appears. The only problem is that SSS provides no article sourcing, and that information about Sadler is quite scant.

It all started with Pasetta saying in 1974 that Wayne was “in an uproar” over the Brando-Littlefeather statement. (Uproar, in this context, refers to an angry vocal response.) And yet at the time Pasetta didn’t mention Wayne wanting to physically assault or intimidate Littlefeather.

Seven years later Sadler came along, according to SSS, with a 1981 article that (partially?) focused on the 1973 incident and which mentioned “six security men” who had allegedly restrained Wayne. SSS offers no link to the Sadler piece, but here’s the passage in question: “Backstage the late John Wayne, ever game for a scrap with the Indians, wanted to bound on stage to personally eject Littlefeather before she could speak. It took six men to hold him back.”

Seven years later, in 1988, Pasetta finally began talking about the security guys and Wayne threatening to drag Littlefeather off the stage. Why Marty hadn’t mentioned this any time previously is anyone’s guess.

So let’s just say that the mysterious Sadler did it, and that Pasetta (who was killed in 2015 by a drunk driver in Palm Desert) jumped into the pool after the water had already been warmed up by Sadler. And then, years later, Littlefeather decided that the same swimming pool water seemed inviting and so she became a proponent of the “six security men” blah blah.

This, in any event, is what SSS has concluded, and considering that she committed a fair amount of study and shoe-leather reporting, it’s fair to give her the benefit of the doubt.

If I hadn’t titled this article “Unreliable Narrators,” I would have gone with “Sadler and Pasetta Did it.”

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Over and Done With

In that six-year-old, water-under-the-bridge FBI report about the Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie altercation aboard a private plane, Jolie alleges that Pitt “grabbed her by the shoulders,” shook her, punched the ceiling and pushed her into a bathroom wall. Or words to that effect.

That’s alcohol for you. Never drink and argue. Pitt was drunk and it wasn’t cool. But it wasn’t that bad either, to go by various descriptions.

HE question: Brad and Angie get into ONE fight in which some pushing and bruising happened and it’s an instant divorce situation? No “Brad, you need to go to AA and stop drinking”? Just an immediate “that’s it, we’re finished, move your stuff out”?

Yes, the rattled Jolie filed for divorce almost immediately. And that, son, is what’s known as a flimsy marriage hanging by a thread.

The airborne incident, in short, may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. Some believe it was propelled by a belief on Jolie’s part (based on a p.i. report) that Brad was putting the high hard one to Marion Cotillard during the filming of Allied.

Late to “Sierra Madre”

Excerpt from 8.19 Facebook post by Robert Chandler, a Brit:

“During a flight a couple of days ago, I watched John Huston‘s The Treasure of the Sierra Madre for the first time in my life.

“Now a hale and hearty 74 years old, this gold-mining allegory (greed, capitalism) is shockingly good and uncompromising. It is spare and essential, and full of excellent performances.

“I had no idea where the story was heading or how it played out for Humphrey Bogart‘s character, Fred C. Dobbs. There’s no vanity in Bogart’s performance, no weakness, no movie-star nod to the camera that says ‘hey, I’m a good guy, really.’

“Bogart’s performance is matched by his fellow drifter on the gold trail, played by Tim Holt, and then exceeded (perhaps) by the director’s father, Walter Huston, as a veteran prospector who talks with a frenzied excitement but has his greatest moment in a scene where he says very little as he saves the life of a drowned Mexican boy.

“There’s an incredible moment where Bogart, after a moment of betrayal, is shown being consigned to hell when he rolls nearer to the campfire and the flames rise up in the camera as it tracks in to reframe him.

“The Tampico kid who gets his face doused while selling lottery tickets is played by a young Robert Blake, who had a colorful and lengthy Hollywood career, including playing one of the killers in Richard BrooksIn Cold Blood (’67). But he’ll always be known — at least to my generation in the UK who frenzy-fed on cult movies at the Scala — as the pint-sized cop in Electra Glide In Blue (’73).

Sierra Madre plays fresh and hard, and is exciting to watch. No scene is wasted. If anything, it’s a refreshing reminder of how film stories used to be told sparely and without compromise.”

Richard’s Resurrection

In Stephen Frears‘ fact-based, semi-fictionalized The Lost King (IFC Films), Sally Hawkins plays Philippa Langley, who ten years ago (2012) was able to guesstimate the accurate location of the bones of Richard III. Steve Coogan (who co-wrote the script with Stan & Ollie‘s Jeff Pope) plays Langley’s husband; Game of Thrones costar Harry Lloyd is an imaginary ghost of King Richard.

The film will premiere at next month’s Toronto International Film Festival.

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Pepsi Challenge

The difference between Paul Schrader‘s American Gigolo (’80) and Jerry Bruckheimer and Jon Bernthal‘s American Gigolo TV series (Paramount+/Showtime)…let me start again.

The difference between Richard Gere‘s Julian Kaye, who was supposed to be around 30, and Bernthal’s version of Kaye (15 years older in 1995, or Bernthal’s actual age of 45)…let me start again.

The difference between Gere and Bernthal is that the ’80 version of Gere was sexually attractive — smooth, sensual, well-tended — and Bernthal is ripped and intense but a lot less fuckable than Gere. He’s not unattractive, but he’s nowhere close to young Gere’s league.

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“I’m Possessed!”

“I am a brilliant, neurotic, judgmental little prick in need of some Prague neck-wattle work**, but the combination of my lacerating wit plus my spirited madman persona is killer and I know it, especially since I take the time to write good material before coming on the show.” — Martin Short muttering to himself between commercial breaks on The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon.

Slight objection: Short began with “James Thomas Fallon — my God, your name screams out diversity!” Translation: We’re both Irish — my dad was an Irish Catholic emigrant from Northern Ireland, and my mom comes from English and Irish stock — so in today’s woke realm we’re almost an endangered minority…would it help if we apologized for being white Irish guys?

Bottom line: Chiding Fallon for not being diverse isn’t funny — it’s actually kinda paranoid.

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Changing Mind About DeSantis

We all understand that within the conservative nutbag Presidential preference realm, Florida governor Ron DeSantis (who is not a nutbag) is ascending and Donald Trump (a totally deranged, anti-Democratic narcissistic crime boss) is declining.

If it has to be one of the other, DeSantis is obviously the saner, less scary choice. But it’s starting to hit me that DeSantis doesn’t really have it in terms of JFK- or Obama-level charisma. And that’s a big thing not to have. He doesn’t even have that Trump swagger thing.

One, he’s not slender enough and in fact seems a tiny bit chubby — he’s certainly on the stocky side. DeSantis is nowhere near as fat as Trump, but a would-be President has to look trim and healthy and well-disciplined — daily workouts, no 11 pm cookie-jar raids. Do you think Jack Kennedy would have squeaked out a victory over Richard Nixon if he’d had a Ron DeSantis body? Think again.

And two, DeSantis has cold beady eyes. He doesn’t radiate warmth or charm. He seems like a semi-reasonable fellow, but something inside him seems prickly and prick-ish.

Bottom line: Cold eyes, chunky bod, prickish vibes…DeSantis probably can’t win.

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