How much farther can Quentin Tarantino crawl up his own ass in search of material for his latest cinematic swagger dance? “Pretty much every account of last night’s performance has failed to say whether The Hateful Eight sounded good enough to be a decent movie,” I wrote after the 4.19.14 live reading of an early draft of Tarantino’s latest. “Let me state very clearly and without a shred of a doubt that it didn’t. It’s a fairly minor and almost dismissable thing — a colorful but basically mediocre Tarantino gabfest that mostly happens on a single interior set (i.e., Minnie’s Haberdashery, located somewhere near the Wyoming town of Red Rock during a fierce blizzard), and which unfolds in the vein of The Petrified Forest.

The Hateful Eight “is about a gatherin’ of several tough, mangy hombres sitting around talkin’ and yappin’ and talkin’ and yappin’. And then, just to break up the monotony, a little more talkin’ and yappin’. Along with a little shootin’ and poison-coffee drinkin’ and brutally punchin’ out a female prisoner and a few dozen uses of the word ‘nigger’ (par for the QT course) and swearin’ and talkin’ about fellatin’ and whatever else.

This is not a full-boat trailer — it’s basically another tease. I was in and out (“The force is in my family…I have it, my sister has it, you have it, my father-in-law has it, my cousin has it, my cat has it, my accountant has it”) and waiting for a taste of narrative, some hint of a story…nope. But at least it has that Uncle Festus-and-Chewy moment at the very end — “We’re home.” I’m sorry but I’m detecting too much of a geek-friendly vibe, a little too much of an attitude that seems to say “yah-hooo!” and “yeaah!…this brand-new amusement park is really cool!” J.J. Abrams presumably understands that this movie can’t fully succeed unless it appeals to cineastes who consider The Empire Strikes Back to be the most riveting and distinguished chapter in the Star Wars legend. In other words, it has to satisfy or at least reach out to guys like me. The toenail-fungus geeks are already in the tank. Just saying.

Elizabeth Warren is doing her reputation no favors by sitting out the 2016 election, as she’s said over and over that she’ll do. It doesn’t matter if she can’t beat Hillary Clinton for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination. If the corporate-funded Clinton cakewalks to the nomination the entire country, from progressive liberals to rural yeehaws, will be denied the strong, opinion-shaping conversation about the increasingly one-percent-favoring economy that the 2016 Presidential election demands. Warren will be doing Clinton no favors by not running — the lack of a vigorous challenger will in fact make Clinton, who will almost certainly shoot herself in the foot more than once over the next several months, all the more vulnerable because her message will be unrefined and her campaign will be untested when she faces off against Jeb Bush. An easy-street Clinton will never talk the talk. Warren has to run in order to do that — to state and re-state the facts about how this country has fallen more and more under the control of a lopsided oligarchial system over the past 30-plus years. (Note: This video eloquently states the case, but for some reason it repeats itself starting at the 5:00 mark.)

“Costa-Gavras‘s The Confession is not, I think, a better movie than his prize-winning Z, with which it will inevitably be compared, not only by the critics but also by those members of the public who may look for a repeat performance. The earlier film was a nearly perfect topical thriller whose form pretty much defined the substance of its liberal politics.

“However, because the subject of The Confession is much more complex, much more human, I find it vastly more interesting than Z, even when one is aware of the way Costa-Gavras manipulates attention by the use of flashy cinematic devices that sometimes substitute for sustained drama. It is a horror story of the mind told almost entirely in factual and physical terms, which is something of a contradiction.

The 2015 Cannes Film Festival roster was announced in Paris this morning, and it is what it is. No surprises — all previously spitballed. I’ve been feeling a wee bit glum about what seems to me like an underserving of crackling dimensionality and serious marquee pizazz but let’s try to be optimistic. Among all of the announced (including out of competition or OOC), I feel instinctually drawn to or moderately cranked about the following, in this order: Todd Haynes‘ Carol (yes!), Woody Allen‘s Irrational Man (OOC), George Miller‘s Mad Max: Fury Road (OOC), Denis Villeneuve‘s Sicario (sorry but I’ll always be wary of Villeneuve), Paolo Sorrentino‘s Youth, Jacques Audiard‘s Erran, Justin Kurzel‘s Macbeth (Shakespeare for ADD generation?), Joachim Trier‘s Louder Than Bombs, Gus Van Sant‘s The Sea of Trees, Barbet Schroeder‘s Amnesia and Hou Hsiao-hsien‘s The Assassin (special Asian martial-arts suffering potential).

How about this for a theory? Dennis Quaid freaked about being blackballed as an unemployable nutcase after yesterday’s “Dopey the dick” video went viral. His manager called the Funny or Die guys and three hours later they were on the set and shooting this “punk” video that claims it was all staged. The more I think about it, the more likely it seems.

Until an hour ago I had never once seen a color photograph taken on the set of John Huston‘s Key Largo (’48). Humphrey Bogart was 48, close to 49, and Lauren Bacall was 23. Just before the shooting, which happened in the fall of ’47, Bogart had starred in Huston’s The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which opened in January ’48. Key Largo opened in mid-July of that year.

I’m into my fourth year of sobriety now (the three-year anniversary occured almost exactly a month ago) but every so often I look back and go, “Whoa…that happened in my drinking days.” Which were only occasionally wild. Except for my vodka-and-lemonade period from ’93 to ’96, which involved two alcohol-related car collisions, I never felt as if my life was all that negatively affected by drinking. Nor did I ever decide in my 20s and 30s that things had become problematic due to pot, hallucinogens, quaaludes and cocaine toots. I saw my nocturnal adventures as purely supplemental. I never partied during work hours. I saw myself as someone who worked hard, always woke up early, killed myself to become a half-decent writer, kept myself in shape and led a more-or-less disciplined life.

Yes, I behaved erratically and irresponsibly at times, but when I was younger I believed that a life without Jack Daniels and beer and quaaludes and revelry represented a kind of death. On top of which my romantic life was fairly spectacular back then so there was that besides.

One night I was at a party in Wilton with the usual assortment of drinking buddies. I started to feel tired around 1 am or so (I had to work the next day) but the guy I came with wasn’t in the mood to leave. I went outside for whatever reason and noticed that a friend who lived about a mile from my place was preparing to leave. He began to get into his ride (an LTD Ford station wagon) with his girlfriend and two other couples. I asked for a lift and he said “Uhm, I don’t think there’s any room, Jeff.” So without telling my friend (i.e., Pete) I decided to sneak a ride on top of his car, lying spread-eagled and holding on to the luggage rack. It was a moonless, pitch-black night and I somehow managed to gently crawl on top without anyone noticing. Don’t ask me.

The photography is too murky, too grayish, too shadowed. You can barely see Meryl Streep. The rock through the window is the only image that sticks.

Nice trippy little dream piece. Blood torrent replaced by tennis balls (or possibly Jolly Green Giant frozen peas?). “There ain’t nothin‘ in Room 237.” Kubrick’s moon hovering in the 18th Century bedroom at the end of 2001. Posted two weeks ago by BBB3viz.

Andrew Bujalski‘s Results, which I caught at last January’s Sundance Film Festival, is a mildly diverting “indie romantic comedy” that is actually aggressively non-romantic for the simple fact that the aggressively balding, somewhat flabby, alabaster-skinned Kevin Corrigan, who is usually funny on his own louchey, street-slacker terms, plays a romantic suitor of Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother). Nobody wants to see a movie in which Corrigan (who’s now 46 but looks a decade older) has sex with anyone, for any reason. The other leg of the romantic triangle is played by Guy Pearce, who’s all buffed up and handling his trainer role with a kind of dry, non-“comedic” gravitas. Results is not a “problem film” — I stayed with it, chuckled once or twice, nodded off once, woke up again. It’s a bit meandering but fine. Giovanni Ribisi, Brooklyn Decker, Anthony Michael Hall and Constance Zimmer costar.

I’ve always wanted to go inside Abbey Road Studios (3 Abbey Road, London NW8), but this Google-created virtual tour is (or was) inaccessible on my iPhone 6 Plus. So I took the tour on the Macbook Pro. It doesn’t show you the administrative offices or the walking path to Studio #1 or Studio #2. It just plops you down in Studio #1 with the narrator offering a brief history and…it all stops. Oh, I see…I have to activate the menu box and click on various blue buttons. But how do I get to the Beatles recording studio (i.e., #2)? Oh, I see…I have to resuscitate the main options and then click on 2…fine. (If Dennis Quaid was taking this tour with me, around this point he would be muttering “fucking piss shit cocksucker.”) Oh, here’s the famous old piano that was heard on “Lady Madonna” and “Martha My Dear” and sounded that legendary chord-strike on “A Day In The Life.” If I had put this together, I would have offered an optional version for the easily irritated — an old-fashioned, non-horseshitty, non-interactive version that just takes you around with a gliding Steadicam and shows you stuff…period, over and out.