Paramount has reportedly kibboshed plans by the Austin-based Alamo Drafthouse chain and by Cleveland’s Capitol Theatre to show Team America: World Police in place of the now-cancelling bookings of The Interview. A Deadline report says that Paramount “won’t be offering” Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 2004 satire (which focuses on Kim Jong-Un’s dad, the late North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il) to Drafthouse or anyone else. Which means, I gather, that they’re not “offering” a DCP of the film. Are they also forbidding Drafthouse and others from projecting the Bluray? If I were in Austin or Cleveland I might be inclined to buy a ticket to a Team America Bluray presentation as a general endorsement of showing political satires on U.S. screens.

Sony Pictures Entertainment has apparently decided to dump The Interview every which way (no theatrical, VOD, DVD/Bluray or foreign…nothing) in order to recoup their investment through an insurance claim, or so TheWrap‘s Todd Cunningham indicated yesterday. (“One media report suggested that a total write-off was required to qualify,” etc.) If this was in fact Sony’s bottom-line rationale, this is typical corporate behavior. In caving like cowards, Sony essentially said “to hell with free speech and the example that this capitulation to cyber-terrorists sets, not to mention what this does to our relations with talent in this town…all we care about is the fucking dough.”

22 months ago I wrote a piece about Sony Pictures Entertainment’s response to the “pro-torture” attacks upon Zero Dark Thirty by the Stalinist left. In the view of L.A. Times reporters Steven Zeitchik and Nicole Sperling, Sony publicists figured that controversy might somehow diminish or scare away interest in the film so they more or less threw ZDT under the bus in terms of the torture argument…but at the same time the film did generate an excellent domestic return (i.e., $95 million and change).

“This is what corporations do,” I wrote on 2.20.13, “and I don’t mean this as a criticism of the Sony guys. It’s just a statement of behavioral fact as explained by Joel Bakan‘s ‘The Corporation.’

I understand, of course, that many if not most of those who glance at this week-old Elizabeth Warren rant won’t hit play and listen to her words about Citigroup. That was my response when I first clicked on it…”yeah, yeah, Warren again.” But you know what? That kind of attitude makes me part of the problem. So I listened again this morning, and I’m asking two things of the “Ready for Hillary” crowd. One, are you aware of any facts that argue with what Warren is saying here? And two, can you envision Hillary Clinton ever making a similar speech?

From “The Birdcage,” Mark Harris‘s 12.16 Grantland piece about the all-but-total domination of Hollywood by comic-book franchise geek superhero mythology: “Over the 25 years that followed Star Wars, franchises went from being a part of the business to a big part of the business. Big, but not defining: Even as late as 1999, for instance, only four of the year’s 35 top grossers were sequels.

“That’s not where we are anymore. In 2014, franchises are not a big part of the movie business. They are not the biggest part of the movie business. They are the movie business. Period. Twelve of the year’s 14 highest grossers are, or will spawn, sequels. (The sole exceptions — assuming they remain exceptions, which is iffy — are Big Hero 6 and Maleficent.)

“Almost everything else that comes out of Hollywood is either an accident, a penance (people who run the studios do like to have a reason to go to the Oscars), a modestly budgeted bone thrown to an audience perceived as niche (black people, women, adults), an appeasement (movie stars are still important and they must occasionally be placated with something interesting to do so they’ll be cooperative about doing the big stuff), or a necessity (sometimes, unfortunately, it is required that a studio take a chance on something new in order to initiate a franchise).

Yesterday I spoke with veteran film editor William Goldenberg on behalf of his work on The Imitation Game, which is so smooth and fleet and seamless that I didn’t quite notice it. In this respect great editing is sometimes like great film music — the less it stands out the better it might be. And yet everyone noticed and admired Goldenberg’s cutting of Argo and Zero Dark Thirty, the result being that he was Oscar-nominated for both and thereby competed against himself. He won for Argo but if you ask me his work on Zero Dark Thirty was more mesmerizing or musical or whatever. (In that invisible sort of way.) Goldenberg’s cutting of Michael Mann‘s Heat (’95) and particularly the big bank-robbery scene in downtown Los Angeles is also the stuff of legend. He’s now cutting Concussion, a football injury drama with Will Smith that’s currently shooting. We talked about (a) the relationship between music and editing, (b) why certain editing jobs stand out as opposed to others, regardless of quality, (c) different styles of action editing and Walter Murch‘s rule about no more than 14 set-ups per minute, (d) why the poison-apple scene in The Imitation Game was left on the cutting room floor, and (e) the general aesthetic about cutting being generally a lot faster these days than it used to be. Again, the mp3.

Editor William Goldenberg accepting Best Editing Oscar for his work on Argo.

During my interview yesterday with Birdman director Alejandro G. Inarritu we briefly discussed the Interview situation. AGI asked if I’d seen Mads Burgger‘s The Red Chapel, a 2009 mock-doc about the repressions of North Korea, and I went “uhm…nope.” From the Wikipage: “It chronicles the visit of Brügger and Danish comedians Jacob Nossell and Simon Jul to North Korea under the pretense of a small theatre troupe on a cultural exchange. The entire trip is a ruse: the trio are actually trying to get a chance to portray the absurdity of the pantomime life they are forced to lead in the DPRK.” Here’s a 12.17.14 piece about it by Indiewire‘s Eric Kohn.

Deadline‘s Dominic Patten is reporting that in the wake of Sony Pictures Entertainment’s decision to cancel The Interview‘s 12.25 theatrical opening, they “will not be putting the now shuttered pic out on VOD, DVD or any other platform — at least not any time soon.” Patten has quoted a Sony Pictures spokesperson saying that SPE “has no further release plans for the film.” If this is in fact SPE’s firm decision, whatever minimal respect I had for Sony management, given the enormous trauma they’ve been going through over the last couple of weeks, is now out the window. They don’t even have the courage to release The Interview on VOD. These guys are doing an excellent job at persuading everyone that they have no souls, no courage, no investment in what they’re supposed to be doing. They’re not movie people, just empty bottom-line corporates. Good God, how can they look in the mirror?

Up in heaven John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Howard Hawks, Jack London, Ernest Hemingway, Howard Hughes, Clark Gable, Douglas MacArthur, George S. Patton, Theodore Roosevelt and other deceased macho Americans of consequence are beside themselves with rage, punching the refrigerator door and kicking holes in the wall over the terrible humiliation visited upon the dignity of this country by Sony Pictures Entertainment and U.S. exhibitors. Check out Twitter now and listen to what people (including many industry types) are saying…”you contemptible pussies!” With government officials having determined that North Korea was behind the Sony hack attack and with SPE and exhibitors having totally caved in response to a Sony hacker’s emailed (and almost certainly bogus) threat to attack theatres that might show the now-cancelled The Interview, everyone is red-faced and fuming. It sounds like sentimental conservative horseshit to pine for the hallowed traditions of honor, backbone and courage and resolve that used to be…well, at least part of the fibre that constituted the American character, but today’s decision makes it seem as if those qualities are fading fast if not evaporated altogether. This is the most humiliating episode in U.S. foreign relations since the failed 1980 attempt to rescue American hostages in Iran by the Carter administration.

Sony Pictures has officially deep-sixed the 12.25 theatrical opening of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg‘s The Interview. Freedom of speech is lying on the canvas and down for the count, and cyber-terrorism has won. It’s now 7:13 am in Pyongyang. Kim Jong-Un is ecstatic…rolling all over the floor in delight, giggling and high-fiving his staff. This is his only big triumph as North Korea’s leader. “Made it, pa…top of the world!” Two victory celebrations are currently being planned for tonight — one for the public and another for North Korean governmental and business elites. All rsvps must be received no later than 3 pm Pyongyang time. Dress will be formal. Open bar, hors d’oeuvres.

Meanwhile, Variety‘s Brent Lang is reporting that SPE “is weighing releasing the film on premium video-on-demand, according to an insider.” I was all over this option yesterday, of course. As Ben Stiller would say, “Do it…do it…do it.”

But if Sony execs are thinking about VOD, why are they cancelling press screenings left and right? They’d still want reviews for a VOD opening, right? Oh, right, of course…they’re afraid that North Korean rogue agents might attack.

That ridiculous NATO suggestion about “delaying” the theatrical opening of The Interview was so mashed-potatoes pathetic I don’t even want to talk about it. What would John Wayne do in this situation? I’ll tell you what he wouldn’t do. He wouldn’t talk about “delaying” anything. He would draw and fire or keep his gun holstered, period. We are truly living through The Age of the Executive Candy-Ass.

I’ve seen Into The Woods (Disney, 12.25) twice — once three and a half weeks ago (on Monday, 11.24 — the night of the Ferguson Grand Jury announcement) and a second time on a DVD screener a week or so ago. I’d nearly forgotten about it with everything else going on, but then the reviews broke today…of course! My reaction was and is basically positive — this is easily the best film ever directed by the not-tremendously-respected, more-or-less-regarded-as-a-hack Rob Marshall (Chicago, Nine, Memoirs of a Geisha). He hasn’t gotten in the way or otherwise fucked up the spirited ingredients that made the original 1987 Stephen Sondheim stage musical such a triumph, and has actually enhanced the material in a reverent and respectable fashion. It may not be gloriously or rapturously inspired, but Into The Woods has spunk and smarts and more or less gets it right. It’s an intelligent, thoughtful musical that actually says something about storybook fantasy vs. reality, and it does so with rigor and discipline and a mesmerizing, high-Hollywood style. The tweener idiots might be shifting around in their seats (“Hey, we want more escapism!”) but the over-25s will get what’s going on and enjoy it as fully as they should.

Update: The Interview is apparently a dead duck as far as theatrical exhibition is concerned. Or do I mean a dead shark? Or a duck eaten by sharks? I obviously haven’t decided on the metaphor, but Deadline‘s Jen Yamato and Dominic Patten are reporting that all of the major chains including Regal (7318 screens), AMC (4988 screens), Cinemark (4434 screens) and Cineplex (1672 screens) will be joining Carmike, Bow Tie and Arclight cinemas in a decision not to show the Seth Rogen-Evan Goldberg comedy following a most-likely bullshit threat of 9/11-style theatrical violence that was posted yesterday by the Sony hackers. So that’s it — Sony has to get in front of this situation and offer The Interview on a day-and-date VOD basis. There’s nothing else to do. Unless, of course, Sony distribution execs would rather just pull the plug altogether and retire to their respective offices and weep.

Earlier: It was reported this morning that Bow Tie Cinemas has joined Carmike Cinemas and possibly Arclight Cinemas in deciding not to show The Interview because a message threatening attacks on U.S. theatres was typed out by some Asian guy (probably in his 20s, probably an asshole) within the last couple of days. Imagine the potency this guy must be feeling today! A little impudence, a few keystrokes and wham!…giant U.S. corporations tremble and run for cover like mice. I am a kind of 21st Century anti-imperialist hero, this guy must be telling himself. I am a real-life James Bond villain, only cooler! Kim Jong-Un is my new homie. I am now sexier than ever before. Beautiful moist-lipped Korean women are dropping to their knees when I enter the room. What kind of car should I buy? Oh, wait…I’m not being paid that much.

“If Sony is worried about theaters being targeted, why not release The Interview day and date on demand?” — suggested a few minutes ago by Bill McCuddy, a regular panelist on NY1’s “Taking Pictures on Demand.” McCuddy is obviously invested in this idea to some degree, but it does make sense in this situation. If Sony suddenly announces a day-and-date VOD premiere of The Interview on 12.25, they’ll probably do fairly well. They might do very well. Presto, no bogus terror concerns!