A journo pally has suggested HE readers might want to (a) name a critically-acclaimed director whose films they despise, and (b) explain why in 50 to 75 words.

The only director I can think of whose work I really, really don’t like is Todd Solondz (Happiness, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Palindromes, Life During Wartime, Dark Horse, Wiener-Dog). That’s not to say I don’t respect Solondz’s “brand”, or that I would argue with anyone who might insist that he’s one of the indie greats. He’s ballsy — I’ll give him that much. Courage of his convictions, unmistakable signature, etc. And I’m saying this as one who was raised in suburban New Jersey (i.e., not Essex County but Union).

I just know that the films of Todd Solondz tend to make me feel soiled and icky and lethargic. Yeah, I know — that’s the point.

From “Hating Wiener-Dog,” posted on 1.22.16: “Todd Solondz‘s Weiner-Dog, a morose and depressive slog about a dachsund passing from owner to owner and bearing the sins of mankind, screened at the Eccles tonight. It’s about futility, fuck it, banality, depression, ennui, emptiness, death, random cruelty, Down Syndrome and cancer.

“Solondz reportedly told an interviewer today that he intended a blend of Au Hasard Balthasar and Benji. I’ve always hated Solondz and his dweeby, depressive attitude and particularly his attachment to depressive losers. I began hating this film early on, and it was agony sitting through to the end (which I was determined to do no matter what).

“Animal lovers…I was about to post a warning but they can fend for themselves. As Weiner-Dog began a woman sitting behind me was making that ‘awwuhhah’ sound as the camera regarded the lovable dachshund, and I was muttering to myself or more precisely to God “please don’t make me listen to this woman make ‘awwuhhah‘ sounds all through this thing.” Well, she stopped. (On this note Solondz was my ally.) At the very end an older woman sitting next to me was moaning ‘Why did he do that? Why did he do that?’ Go, Todd!”

Here’s another “trying to find good homes for the kittens” story. It just happened. Around 9 am a person asked (texted) whether any of the kittens were still available, and I answered “yes — three. But there’s a homing fee.” The person replied “great” and suggested a drop-by around 10 or 10:15 am. Before agreeing I asked for some basic info. It was a youngish woman who said she has a cat named Timmy who’s alone all day (she works on weekdays), and who could use some company. Okay, I said.

Right around 10:10 am the woman texted “here.” I stepped outside and walked over to the front stoop.
About 50 feet away was an older white convertible covered in garish, hand-painted graffiti (green, black, pink lettering). Right away I was thinking “the hell is this?” A large, sandy-haired beefalo male (mid 30s) was behind the wheel, and the woman I’d texted, a short blonde in sunglasses (also 30ish), was in the passenger seat. They were sipping take-out Starbucks and exchanging PDA — caressing each other’s hair, etc. They looked like they’d been partying all night and hadn’t been to bed.

Obviously they were highly questionable people. No way would I entrust the well-being of a young kitten to these mongrels. What kind of grunt drives a ride like this? What kind of woman says “hey, this big unshaven galumph with longish surfer hair is kinda cute, and I love all the graffiti on his car!” Nope.

I approached them as they exited the vehicle. The woman was holding a small blue cat carrier. I said “sorry but there’s no way I’m selling a kitten to a couple sitting in a car that looks like that.” The woman said “what?” The guy said, “It’s not her car.” I shook my head and said firmly, “I’m not doing it, man.” The woman was silent. The man said to the woman, “Okay, let’s roll.” They returned to the graffiti-mobile. I waved and said “Have a nice day.”

Director-writer Wes Anderson — the most recognizable and widely imitated auteur-level helmer working today — surely understands that his decision to not participate in a Cannes Film Festival press conference following screenings of his latest film, The French Dispatch (Searchlight, 10.22), isn’t going to enhance the film’s reputation.

Does this mean that The French Dispatch might be problematic on some level? Impossible. That can’t be the case. But Anderson’s duck-out means something.

The film will almost certainly play like another tasty bowl of Anderson soup. Wes is too assured, accomplished and exacting a filmmaker to do anything but deliver like he always has. For a quarter-century his signature has guaranteed a certain set of ingredients — dry irony, deadpan humor, high quirk, production designed with an inch of its life, a stop at Andersonville, etc.

Perhaps this more-than-two-years-old film is so out of his system that Anderson is thinking like Bob Dylan these days — perhaps he can only discuss a relatively fresh film or one that’s about to begin filming or whatever. Perhaps he simply feels unable to go over what for him is yesterday’s news — a film that, however popular it may turn out to be with critics and fans, is no longer in his system. Or he’s completely caught up in his next project (a film to be shot in Spain) and he doesn’t want to interrupt, etc.

The French Dispatch will debut in Cannes on Monday, July 9, and stateside, as noted, on Friday, 10.22.

Friendo to HE: “Maybe for Anderson there’s no value in pushing this movie?”

HE to Friendo: “What the hell does that mean, ‘no value’? If you bring your film to Cannes, you and your creative colleagues (cast, producers) always sit for a press conference. Has any brand-name director ducked a Cannes presser since Terrence Malick was a no-show at the Tree of Life press conference?”

Friendo to HE: “Not sure why, but he’s blowing it off for some reason.

HE to Friendo: “He made it, he’s a grade-A filmmaker, it’s playing at the biggest and most glamorous film festival in the world, it’s going to be offered to audiences in the fall, etc. Ducking the press conference makes zero sense.”

Friendo to HE: “I don’t think it’s because the movie is bad.”

HE to Friendo: “Something has stuck in his craw.”

Dispatch began shooting in late ’18 and wrapped in March ’19. It was slated to premiere at the 2020 Cannes Film Festival, but that went south, etc.

The French Dispatch cast members include Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Léa Seydoux, Timothée Chalamet, Owen Wilson, Benicio del Toro, Elisabeth Moss, Adrien Brody and Willem Dafoe.

Variety‘s Manori Ravindran: “Sources indicate that Anderson isn’t doing any press at all on the ground in Cannes, including a press conference for his latest France-set movie, which will premiere on Monday [7.12].”

AP story filed around 4:30 pm Pacific:

“Binx the cat, until recently a resident of a ninth-floor apartment (#904) in the collapsed Champlain Towers in Miami Beach, has been found safe and well.

“Gina Nicole Vlasek, co-founder of The Kitty Campus, posted two days ago (7.8) that a black cat resembling Binx had been found near the rubble.”

Binx’s identity by confirmed the next day by one or both of the owners, Devin and Angela Gonzalez, both of whom had been “seriously injured” by the collapse.

Miami-Dade County Mayor Daniella Levine Cava“: “I’m glad that this small miracle could bring some light into the lives of a grieving family today and could provide a bright spot for our whole community in the midst of this terrible tragedy.”

Tatiana and I are in the process of finding good loving homes for a few kittens. They’re just over six weeks old. Naturally we’re requiring a “re-homing” fee — you have to use that term in order to avoid the wrath of the Craig’s List fuzz.

Over the last two or three days a few people have dropped by to inspect the kittens before buying, and it’s all been good. Today a young hetero couple came over. Somewhere between their mid and late 20s, I guessed. Possibly a bit younger. Nice people, good natured, intelligent, etc.

But here’s the thing: When they arrived it was fairly warm outside, mid 80s with lots of glaring sunlight. And yet the young woman (short, a bit chubby-ish) was wearing a heavy black headcap (made of dense yarn) and a heavy-ish hoodie garment plus a sweater, leotard tights and athletic shoes — gear that would have worked for a nice cool fall day.

Except it’s July in Los Angeles. It wasn’t “Death Valley hot”, but if God had added less than five degrees to the thermometer you could’ve fried an egg on the sidewalk.

I didn’t say anything, of course — they were good people. But deep down I was thinking “seriously?” Who wears a heavy yarn headcap in this kind of heat?

Variety‘s Matt Donnelly: During a Cannes Film Festival press conference earlier today, Stillwater star Matt Damon said that his Oklahoma-based, vowel-swallowing character, Bill Baker, “absolutely would’ve supported Trump.”

Damon and Stillwater director Tom McCarthy “road-tripped through Oklahoma prior to shooting, where they were invited into the break rooms and backyard barbecues of the real men who inspired the character.

“These guys don’t apologize for who they are,” Damon said. “They’re in the oil business, of course he [would have] voted for Trump. [But] these people were wonderful to us, they really helped us. It was eye-opening for me.”

“They all have goatees, the sunglasses. They’re not six-pack ab guys, but they’re strong. You go to their barbecues and a guitar comes out and they start singing church songs.”

HE comment: Damon is portraying these Oklahoma fellows in fairly benign terms — authentic, earnest, no apologies for who and what they are. His generous impressions are more or less based on these guys being “wonderful” in helping Damon and McCarthy learn what they’re really about.

But what middle-American Average Joe wouldn’t be generously forthcoming if a famous actor wanted to know what made he and his friends tick? Supporting Donald Trump is not some idle preference. Anyone failing (or refusing) to understand that Trump is a malicious, anti-Democratic sociopath and criminal con man is living in a rabbit hole of denial, and is therefore not, by any fair or sensible standard, a fundamentally decent person. They are basically admitting to being delusional cult followers.

As much as I despise the idea of paying money to see Black Widow, the seemingly reprehensible Marvel newbie from director Cate Shortland and the evil, cap-wearing Kevin Feige, I’m determined to experience the big, full-blast whomping bullshit effect by catching it on a large IMAX screen. I’ll be submitting sometime later this afternoon, probably at the AMC Century City.

I know I’m going to HATE it, but I have to do this. For years I’ve hated most things (85% to 90%) Marvel. Oddly, in a strange way, I can’t wait to get my seethe on: “Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering Marvel poison; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”

Stephen Dorff to The Independent‘s Adam White on 7.5:

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/ftBeLCVM76

— Nariman△⃒⃘ (@slytherinus) July 9, 2021

HE to Jordan Ruimy: “I’m loving the wild reactions to Paul Verhoeven‘s Benedetta, and especially Kyle Buchanan‘s reference to a Jesus Christ figurine used as a sexual tool. Man to man, Jordan, and no beating around the bush: a small sculpture of Christ is used as a dildo…right? Please tell me this is true.”

Ruimy to HE: “Yes, sir. Carved to penis size because she wanted it deep and the nun’s fingers weren’t lengthy enough.” [Note: The Telegraph‘s Tim Robey claims that the sexual tool is “a whittled statuette of the Virgin Mary.”]

Does anyone remember the rightwing Christian loon response to descriptions of Willem Dafoe‘s Jesus having sex with Barbara Hershey‘s Mary Magdelene in The Last Temptation of Christ (all of it imagined as he experiences doubt and agony as he hangs on the cross and dreams about having lived a normal life)?

I saw Last Temptation at the Century City Plitt on the day it opened (8.12.88) and when it was over we encountered a mob of devout Orange County nutters howling about religious sacrilege.

Does anyone remember how Warner Bros. refused to integrate the infamous “rape of Christ” sequence into a DVD/Bluray director’s cut of Ken Russell‘s The Devils, presumably out of fear that heartland Christians would freak out over a group of naked, sexually frenzied nuns (Vanessa Redgrave among them) using a statue of Christ to grind out orgasms?

Judging by the heated Benedetta descriptions, The Last Temptation of Christ and The Devils were mere dabblers in terms of blending representations of the Son of God with sexually perverse eroticism.

When Benedetta opens stateside your deranged righties are going to have a field day…Tucker Carlson! And the left can point to relentless rightwing sexual hypocrisy over the decades, not to mention The Eyes of Tammy Faye.

The anti-Benedetta chant will go something like “hot lesbian action defiling the image of Jesus of Nazareth…this diseased Paul Verhoeven fantasy gives us an idea of what Christianity under the left is headed for…sweaty paganism spilling sex juice over the image of our Lord and Savior…these people are beyond sick…stop them at the ballot box in ’22! This is disgusting!”