Just fooling around with some placeholder ads. Trying to think of some other slogans.

…would ever say they “love Jesus.” Lefties believe in love, kindness and charity as much as any decent human being, but they would never declare themselves to be devout Christians. Them’s fightin’ words — the same as saying “I’m a staunch rightwing traditionalist” or words to that effect. Pratt was asking for trouble from the wokester left when he wrote this. It was like waving a red cape before a bull. Pratt is totally allowed to love whatever and whomever he wants, of course, in the privacy of his own heart, but if he was smart he’d leave religious figures and labels out of it.

Eduardo Ponti‘s The Life Ahead stars Sophia Loren as a 70something resident of Bari, Italy**, who takes in a feral street urchin. The trailer tells you where the story goes except for the last couple of beats.

The Life Ahead is the second filmed adaptation of Romain Gary‘s “The Life Before Us” (’75). The first version, Moshe Mizrahi‘s Madame Rosa (’77), was set in the Belleville section of Paris and starred Simone Signoret. It won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film.

Ponti, 47, is the son of Loren and late producer Carlo Ponti.

Select journos will be given a look at The Life Ahead fairly soon. It will begin streaming on Netflix on 11.13.20.

Sam Elliott’s “The Stranger”: “Way back east there’s this fella…fella I wanna tell ya about. Fella by the name of Orange Plague. At least that’s the handle that seemed to apply, but he’s never had much use for it himself. Mr. Trump, he called himself ‘Cadet Bone Spurs‘. Naah, not really. He actually called himself ‘Mushroom Dick‘. Kiddin’ again…sorry.

“Now this here story I’m about to unfold takes place back in the year 2020, or the year of our national Covid nightmare…no work, too much TV, face masks, hand sanitizer. I only mention it because sometimes there’s a man…I won’t say a hero, ’cause what’s a hero? But sometimes there’s a man. And I’m talkin’ about Trump here. Sometimes there’s a man…well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s Donald Trump, in Washington, D.C. And even if he’s a lazy man who watches a whole lot of Fox News, and Trump was most certainly that. But sometimes there’s a man….sometimes there’s a man. Wow. I lost my train of thought there. But…aw, hell. I’ve done introduced him enough.”

So News of the World (Universal 12.25) is a Searchers-like tale (bookish 60ish beardo paid to deliver precocious, parentless, Kiowa-raised girl to relatives in old San Antonio) with a touch of True Grit. All kinds of adversity and prejudice slow their progress, including white slave traders looking to exploit the poor girl.

Paul Greengrass‘s western is some kind of allegory, he says, for our presently divided culture. You don’t have to reassure me — Tom Hanks will do the right thing.

Amazon synopsis of Paulette Jiles’ same-titled 2016 novel: “In the wake of the Civil War, Captain Jefferson Kidd (Hanks) travels through northern Texas, giving live readings from newspapers to paying audiences hungry for news of the world. An elderly widower who has lived through three wars and fought in two of them, the captain enjoys his rootless, solitary existence.

“In Wichita Falls, he is offered a $50 gold piece to deliver a young orphan, Johanna Loenberger (Helena Zengel), to her relatives in San Antonio. Four years earlier, a band of Kiowa raiders killed Johanna’s parents and sister; sparing the little girl, they raised her as one of their own. Recently rescued by the U.S. army, the ten-year-old has once again been torn away from the only home she knows.

“Their 400-mile journey south through unsettled territory and unforgiving terrain proves difficult and at times dangerous. Johanna has forgotten the English language, tries to escape at every opportunity, throws away her shoes, and refuses to act “civilized.” Yet as the miles pass, the two lonely survivors tentatively begin to trust each other, forming a bond that marks the difference between life and death in this treacherous land.

“Arriving in San Antonio, the reunion is neither happy nor welcome. The captain must hand Johanna over to an aunt and uncle she does not remember—strangers who regard her as an unwanted burden. A respectable man, Captain Kidd is faced with a terrible choice: abandon the girl to her fate or become — in the eyes of the law — a kidnapper himself.”

Mr. Bill: “Why are you so mean to me?”

A version of Lesley Stahl‘s 60 Minutes interview with Donald Trump will air on Sunday. This morning Team Trump released the raw version (38 minutes) because they anticipated that 60 Minutes would either downplay or ignore the Hunter Biden stuff.

CBS News statement: “The White House’s unprecedented decision to disregard their agreement with CBS News and release their footage will not deter 60 Minutes from providing its full, fair and contextual reporting which presidents have participated in for decades. 60 Minutes, the most-watched news program on television, is widely respected for bringing its hallmark fairness, deep reporting and informative context to viewers each week.

“Few journalists have the presidential interview experience Lesley Stahl has delivered over her decades as one of the premier correspondents in America and we look forward to audiences seeing her third interview with President Trump and subsequent interview with Vice President Pence this weekend.”

Ryan Murphy‘s The Prom (Netflix 12.11) might be an excellent thing on its own terms, but the trailer is really rubbing me the wrong way.

Too flashy, too pushed, too glitzy and sparkly, too “aren’t we wonderful?”, too James Corden-influenced, too instructional, too Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland, too shallow, too self-congratulating, too Fosse-ish, doesn’t seem to touch bottom, not my cup of tea.

Four Broadway stars reeling from a career crisis (Meryl Streep, James Corden, Nicole Kidman, Andrew Rannells) come to the aid of Emma (Ellen Pellman), a gay teenager from a small Indiana town who’s been told she can’t take her girlfriend Alyssa (Ariana DeBose) to a high-school prom. Jaded New Yorkers visit Bumblefuck town, open people’s hearts, discourage anti-LGBTQ bigotry, make the world a slightly better place. Awesome.

Three months ago Behind The Screenplay posted an unusual YouTube essay. It caught my eye today. The thesis is that Woody Allen‘s Celebrity (’98) is an “unheralded masterpiece.”

I admired several things about Celebrity. Sven Nykivst‘s black-and-white cinematography, of course. I occasionally felt amused and invigorated by Leonardo DiCaprio‘s manic superstar behavior (partly his character as written, partly drawing from his own post-Titanic popularity). Donald Trump‘s droll little cameo about tearing down St. Patrick’s Cathedral is a decent chuckle. A lot of stuff works. Woody keeps trying and trying.

I was never bored and was somewhat taken with the flavor of Allen’s screenplay (i.e, forlorn acidity), and everyone loved the last shot. But otherwise Celebrity is less than masterful.

If only Woody had taken Kenneth Branagh aside before shooting and said, “You’ve obviously developed a half-decent imitation of my way of speaking — I respect that, it’s pretty good — but play this role as yourself. Use your own British accent. Playing me is too on the nose, critics won’t like it for that, and I wouldn’t blame them”

This in itself would’ve improved things considerably.

The other problem is the deflating drift of the thing. The repetitive moralizing. Branagh’s Lee Simon could be wry and sharp and self-aware in a fleeting, in-and-out way, but it was clear within the first 20 or 30 minutes that he was also overly anxious, obsequious and stricken with a lack of self-awareness.

After a while you knew the film had no intention of doing anything more than making sure that Lee Simon wasn’t going to experience an epiphany of any kind…that a breakthrough wasn’t in the cards

Todd McCarthy called the film “a once-over-lightly rehash of mostly stale Allen themes and motifs,” and noted that “the spectacle of Branagh and Judy Davis doing over-the-top Woody impersonations creates a neurotic energy meltdown…Branagh is simply embarrassing as he flails, stammers and gesticulates in a manner that suggests a direct imitation of Allen himself…Celebrity has a hastily conceived, patchwork feel that is occasionally leavened by some lively supporting turns and the presence of so many attractive people onscreen.”

“This is not a reality show…this is reality.”

Ben Wheatley‘s Rebecca (Netflix, 10.21) is more colorful and definitely more carnal than Alfred Hitchcock’s 1940 version. I’ll give it that much. Hitch’s film was shot in black and white and was fairly discreet depiction-wise. Not so the newbie.

There wasn’t a hint of a sexual current between Laurence Olivier‘s Maxim de Winter and Joan Fontaine‘s nameless protagonist in Hitch’s Oscar winner. All we see them do is briefly hug a couple of times. Olivier doesn’t even kiss Fontaine on the lips (or so I recall).

But in Wheatley’s version, the new Maxim (played with a muffled and unconvincing British accent by Armie Hammer) harpoons the nameless protagonist (Lily James) on a beach surrounding a Mediterranean cove. And in daylight yet. And in the 1930s, when nice girls the world over had been sternly instructed that sex happened only after marriage.

In both the Hitchcock and Wheatley versions, the nameless protagonist is later interrogated by an employer, a socially pretentious, middle-aged scold named Edythe Van Hopper, about her moral behavior. The line is the same in both films: “Tell me, have you been doing something you shouldn’t?”

In Wheatley’s version, the protagonist’s never-spoken answer could, in a more candid world, go something like “well, yes, I’ve been a bit naughty, I suppose…Maxim and I were at the beach a day or two ago, and we were lying on a blanket together…I won’t go into details but he hastily removed my bathing suit and ravaged me like a centaur.”

In Hitchcock’s version, Fontaine is offended that Mrs. Van Hopper would even ask such a thing, and it’s easy to believe that nothing whatsoever has transpired between she and Olivier.

The idea behind Wheatley’s film is to appeal to younger women who like hotsy-totsy romantic dramas, or the cinematic equivalent of Harlequin bodice rippers. That’s pretty much what the new Rebecca is. There’s nothing criminal about that. If younger women of a certain intellectual capacity enjoy Wheatley’s film, great.

I didn’t believe a second of it. Daphne du Maurier‘s original novel, published in 1938 and set in the mid ’30s, was very much of its time. You can feel the musty past in its pages, and you can certainly sense the conservative social norms and prim behaviors in Hitchcock’s film. The people who helped create the original Rebecca and especially those who performed in it were all part of that 80-year-old realm.

From “How Rudy Giuliani Got Caught Red-Handed With Borat’s Daughter,” a 10.21 Daily Beast piece by Matt Wilstein about the money scene from Borat 2:

“Posing as a conservative journalist in the mold of Tomi Lahren — albeit with a strong eastern European accent — Tutar Sagdiev (Irina Nowak) sits down with Giuliani in a Manhattan hotel suite for an ‘interview’ in which she mostly flatters him into creepily flirting with her. “I’ll relax you, you want me to ask you a question?” Giuliani says as she giggles in response. After blaming China for the coronavirus, he agrees to “eat a bat” with his interviewer, who repeatedly touches his knee to egg him on.

“[Sacha] Baron Cohen first interrupts the interview dressed as a sound engineer with a large boom mic, but leaves before it’s over. At that point, Tutar offers to ‘have a drink in the bedroom’ with Giuliani, who happily obliges.

“On what appear to be hidden cameras, we see Giuliani remove her microphone and ask for her phone number and address as he sits down on the bed. He starts patting her backside as she removes the microphone from his pants. Giuliani then lies down on the bed and starts sticking his hands down his pants in a suggestive manner.”