Forget Univeral’s plan to offer Tower Heist to VOD customers in Atlanta and Portland on 11.25, or three weeks after its theatrical release date of 11.4.11. Too many exhibitors howled and threatened Armageddon and Universal caved under duress.

From a rough draft of the release: “Universal Pictures today announced that in response to theatere-owners turning purple-faced with fury and completely freaking out and spitting saliva and throwing tantrums and slamming their fists through the plaster walls and threatening to go to the mattresses Luca Brasi and Clemenza-style a request from theatre owners it has decided to delay its planned premium home video on demand (PVOD) experiment.

“Universal continues to believe that the theater experience and a PVOD window are business models that can coincide and thrive and we look forward to working with our partners in exhibition to find a way to experiment in this area in the future.

In response a rough draft from the National Association Of Theater Owners and its CEO John Fithian allegedly says the following: “NATO would like to thank Universal for responding to various theater owners’ concerns and cancelling the PVOD test it was contemplating. They have been engaged with individual exhibitors on this test blah blah, and while it was something that many theater owners could not ultimately support blah blah, the open and collaborative nature of the dialogue is appreciated blah blah screw these bastards. NATO recognizes that those miserable prick studio fucks need to find new models and opportunities in the home market, and looks forward to distributors and exhibitors working together for their mutual benefit.”