Humor has to be simultaneously accessible to the dumbest sector of the audience, and at the same time enjoyed by the sharpest and most ahead-of-the-curve tools in the shed. Fuxley covers are satirical but not nonsensical. So what’s the idea here? The horse has been ramming the flannel-shirt guy and is now suspicious that he’s being cheated on with the guy and the dishy blonde about to have a little hey-hey in the hayloft? If that’s not it, I’m honestly stumped as to what the title could mean.

Why did Isaiah Lee, 23, attack Dave Chappelle the other night? Rolling Stone is quoting his 31 year-old brother, Aaron Lee, who says, almost anecdotally, that Isaiah “has been in and out of Los Angeles homeless shelters for the past decade and struggles with mental illness.”

Aaron added that Isaiah “doesn’t have any type of animosity toward [Chappelle] that I know about…it could have definitely been a factor, but I really don’t know.”

I’ve just been through a grueling moving period, and it hasn’t ended yet.

Attending to endless details and packing endless boxes in WeHo and taking them to the post office, sending the VW Passat back east on a big hauling truck, and then flying with Anya and a wailing Katya on an Alaskan Airlines red-eye last Tuesday night, and without a wink of sleep.

My system was knocked flat by this. Now I’m consumed by unpacking. Fatigue, lack of mental focus, sudden nap attacks.

Try doing all this crap and see how productive you are with a daily column, ya pricks ya.

That aside, I’ve been genuinely terrified of sitting through Everything Everywhere All At Once, and I’m certainly not paying good money to see it. (No streaming options as we speak.) Plus I would rather shove razor-sharp Exacto knives into my eyes rather than see the new bullshit Dr. Strange flick.

I apologize for not seeing Vortex, the latest Gaspar Noe which screened in Cannes last July but has only just shown up theatrically. (There’s no trusting the 90% Rotten Tomatoes score, of course.) I’ll catch it this weekend in Manhattan.

The next significant screening will be Top Gun: Maverick, on the morning of Tuesday, 5.10. I leave for Cannes on Sunday, 5.15.

99.4% of the time, a woman is a human born with XX chromosomes, a uterus, female sexual organs (i.e., no schlongola), smaller feet and a mellower, more humanistic, less territorial attitude about life.

I’m sorry if that upsets a certain percentage of well-meaning persons out there.

Geraldo Rivera on “The Five”: “Shame on Neil Gorsuch, shame on Amy Comey Barrett, shame on Ryan Kavanaugh” for saying they would uphold Roe in confirmation hearings and then doing the opposite…”they lied.”

I never thought I’d be praising a Rivera opinion voiced on Fox News, but this is one such occasion.

Gerardo’s rant begins around the 3:10 mark:

I know that the general view is that Johnny Depp & attorneys have presented a better case than Amber Heard and counsel, at least as far as public opinion is concerned. But Heard’s testimony today struck me as earnest and compelling.

So who’s partly lying and who’s mostly telling the truth? Watch Akira Kurosawa’s Rashomon. My presumption is that neither Depp and Heard are as pure as the driven snow.

After being bruised and body–slammed during last night’s show (Tuesday, 5.3) at the Hollywood Bowl, the intrepid Dave Chappelle joked that his assailant was “a trans man.”

Or not. The perpetrator might simply be a maladjusted, garden-variety impulse performer. The world’s full of such fellows.

Nobody knows anything except that (a) Chappelle was definitely assaulted by a dude of color (THR reports that Chappelle referred to his assailant with the “n” word), and that (b) the attacker was subsequently roughed up by either Chappelle’s bodyguards or the HB security guys or both.

I’m not speculating about motive but c’mon, do the math. That or Will Smith’s Oscar slap unleashed something primal in the populace. Or perhaps last night’s altercation was caused by a combination of both.

Anya, Katya and myself are sitting in the spacious, strikingly designed Alaska Airlines lounge at San Francisco Int’l Airport. (It has a Pinkberry.) Our SFO-JFK flight leaves at 10:20 pm; arrival at 7 am.

A visibly shaken and angry Senator Elizabeth Warren just spoke in-front of #SCOTUS. @TheNationalNews pic.twitter.com/KzQ2Z0Lg3b

— Willy Lowry (@willy_lowry) May 3, 2022

If there’s an extra-long wait to speak to an Alaska Airlines rep (i.e., to resolve an issue that can’t be handled online), they give you the option of getting a call-back. And the average wait is three to four hours. But not in the evenings — only during business hours. And so last night I waited to speak to an Alaska rep for two hours and 50 minutes, and was forced to listen to the most horrifying MUZAK for that length of time. And then it sounded as if I was about to speak to someone…”hello?” And then they hung up on me.