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Worst Critics List in the World

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“I’ve experienced 2021 as the worst year for movies in quite a few decades. Perhaps if I seriously combed through the 1980s I might find some that were worse, but I nonetheless felt seriously unrewarded for all the hours I put in watching films that simply didn’t rise to the occasion, including some that found significant critical favor with others.” — from Todd McCarthy’s “It Was The Worst Of Times Off And Onscreen In 2021,” Deadline-posted on 12.30.21.

Criticstop10.com has posted a comprehensive list of the most favored 2021 films according to critics**.

Jane Campion‘s The Power of the Dog — subtly rendered, expertly crafted, relentlessly downish — is the leader, having appeared on 243 lists and listed as #1 on 40 of them.

The runners-up (second through fifth place) are Drive My Car (sensitive three-hour grief monkey film), Licorice Pizza (amiable, meandering), Dune (sand in my lungs) and West Side Story (alive and pulsing). The next five are The Green Knight (pure moisture torture), Summer of Soul (found footage), Pig (quite grim but soulfully so), Titane (metallically perverse) and The French Dispatch (exquisitely composed but infuriating)…good God!

Leos Carax‘s Annette, easily the most hateful film of 2021 and one of the most agonizing sits of my entire life, appeared on 76 Best of the Year critics lists, and was listed as #1 on 7 of them. Think about that.

Hollywood Elsewhere has a certain handicap in this regard. Unlike many critics***, I tend to favor absorbing, well-contoured films about recognizable human beings that reflect (am I allowed to say this?) some aspect of the actual human experience as most of us live it on the planet earth, and so I ended up with the following top 15: King Richard, Parallel Mothers, West Side Story, Spider-Man: No Way Home (because of the final hour), The Worst Person in the World, A Hero, Riders of Justice, No Time To Die, The Beatles: Get Back, Zola, Cyrano, Licorice Pizza, The Card Counter (willfully ignoring the Tiffany Haddish diminishment factor), In The Heights and The Last Duel.

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38%: Bring Back Beast

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Yes, it’s reassuring that 62% of voters would rather see Donald Trump go away and never return and perhaps even die soon. There’s nonetheless a small but significant percentage (presumably including your MTG and Lauren Boebert followers) that wants a fascistic, anti-democratic dictatorship.

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MTG Permanently Off Twitter

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Marjorie Taylor Greene’s personal account is history for posting Covid falsehoods, resulting in five “strikes.” But to stay in business, so to speak, she simply has to use her official Congressional account, @RepMTG. So all is relatively well from her perspective. She soldiers on.

Everyone Laughed At That “Moneyball” Line

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…about a baseball player player with an “ugly girlfriend” indicating that he has no confidence. But what does it mean when a smart, attractive, well-established woman in a tough profession…what does it mean when she has a galumphy, ginger neckbeard boyfriend who’s nearly twice her size and was once called a “bin raccoon“? Does this indicate self-confidence on her part or…? Sorry but I’m always a bit startled when attractive, highly accomplished women pair up with geeky-looking, borderline-ugly boyfriends. Whatever happened to the old “birds of a feather” proverb?

Omicron Doesn’t Count

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It’s not a factor as far as vaccines are concerned. Because a shitload of people are getting infected regardless of vax status. And once they have it they’re merely besieged with fatigue, a cough and a head cold for three or four days, and they’re gifted with a serious state of immunity in its wake. So it “counts”, yes, but it’s not governed or influenced by vaccination rates. It’s actually a “good” thing, except for those with weak constitutions.

In Order of Presumed Importance

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World of Reel‘s Jordan Ruimy has rebooted his list of preferred films that should (and probably will) be released in 2022. I’ve boldfaced the ones I’m especially interested in, which come to 18.

I’ll tell you right now that the 2022 Best Picture Oscar choices are between Killers of the Flower Moon, Babylon, The Fablemans, Bardo, Avatar 2 and (if it manages to open in late ’22) Kitbag.

THE TOP TEN (one of these will win the Best Picture Oscar in March 2023):
“Killers of the Flower Moon” (Martin Scorsese)
“Babylon” (Damien Chazelle)
“Disappointment Blvd.” (Ari Aster)
“The Fablemans” (Steven Spielberg)
“Avatar 2” (James Cameron)
“White Noise” (Noah Baumbach)
“Bardo” (Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu)
”Kitbag” (Ridley Scott — Joaquin Phoenix as Napoleon Bonaparte — but will it be ready in time?)
“Elvis” (Baz Luhrmann)
“Canterbury Glass” (or whatever it’s called now) (David O’Russell)



The FOLLOWING EIGHT:
“The Killer” (David Fincher)
“The Northman” (Robert Eggers)
”Bones and All” (Luca Guadagnino)
“The Batman” (Matt Reeves)
“Blonde” (Andrew Dominik)
“Bullet Train” (David Leitch)
“The Way of the Wind” (Terrence Malick)
“R.M.N” (Cristian Mungiu)

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THE THIRD GROUPING:
“The Master Gardener” (Paul Schrader)
“Armageddon Time” (James Gray)
“Asteroid City” (Wes Anderson)
”Poor Things” (Yorgios Lanthimos)
“The Banshees of Inseherin” (Martin McDonagh)
”Owl” (Kelly Reichardt)
“The Zone of Interest” (Jonathan Glazer)
“Crimes of the Future” (David Cronenberg)

THE FOURTH:
“The Whale” (Darren Aronofsky)
“Decision to Leave” (Park Chan-Wook)
“Fire” (Claire Denis)
“Tar” (Todd Field)
”Kimi” (Steven Soderbergh)
“Next Goal Wins” (Taika Waititi)
“Don’t Worry Darling” (Olivia Wilde)
“Nope” (Jordan Peele)

THE FIFTH:
”Men” (Alex Garland)
”Pinocchio” (Guillermo del Toro — stop-motion)
“The Son” (Florian Zeller)
“The Stars at Noon” (Claire Denis)
“The Bubble” (Judd Apatow)
“Women Talking” (Sarah Polley)
“3000 Years of Longing” (George Miller)
“Triangle of Sadness” (Ruben Ostlund)

THE REST:
“The Eternal Daughter” (Joanna Hogg)
“Tori et Lokita” (Jean-Pierre & Luc Dardenne)
“Apollo 10 1/2: A Space Age Adventure” (Richard Linklater)
”Rebel Ridge” (Jeremy Saulnier)
“Deep Water” (Adrian Lyne)

I Don’t Feel Differently

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I’m delighted to leave 2021 behind, of course. Was it as miserable and depressing as ‘20? No, but not for lack of trying. One of the only good or hopeful things is that a larger, disproportionate percentage of anti-vaxx bumblefucks are…uhm, being “culled.”

https://twitter.com/patrickdextervc/status/1476902648834138124?s=21

Lovable Lunkhead

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I had never seen either version of Angels in the Outfield. Mainly because Field of Dreams aside, I’m not much for sports fantasies. I’d certainly never considered watching the 1994 version, which earned a 33% Rotten Tomatoes rating with a 49% audience rating.

The other night, bored and listless, I decided to watch the black-and-white 1951 version. To my surprise it won me over within 15 or 20 minutes.

It’s basically a redemption story — A Christmas Carol set in Pittsburgh. Paul Douglas is Guffy McGovern, a coarse, foul-mouthed brute of a Pittsburgh Pirates manager, loathed by just about everyone. One evening he’s visited by an invisible, craggy-voiced angel who tells him “become a better person and I’ll fix it so the Pirates start winning some games.” Douglas goes along, and before you know it everything has turned around — his life, the fortunes of the Pirates, even his non-existent love life (i.e., local reporter Janet Leigh takes an interest).

Complications ensue, of course, but that’s pretty much it — an abusive asshole becomes a better person with some heavenly assistance. It’s a minor effort but it works.

Based on a story by Richard Conlin, Angels in the Outfield was written by Dorothy Kingsley and George Wells, and directed by Clarence Brown, king of the “house” helmers.

How Miserable Will 2022 Be?

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…or will the world finally catch a break? Probably not. The only chance of Democrats not getting murdered in November would be to grow spines and stand up like persons of principle and (a) completely renounce the progressive nutter Robespierre woke wing and (b) announce a commitment to sensible, practical, fair-minded liberalism.

Only shallow hormonal idiots go out on New Year’s Eve to get bombed and yell ‘YeaaAAAGGGHHHHH!” when the big moment arrives.

3:10 pm Pacific: Ten minutes ago the clock struck twelve in Paris. No fireworks due to Omicron, but once again I’m feeling all nostalgic about Jett, Dylan and I watching the Eiffel Tower fireworks display from the same vantage point, 22 years ago exactly.

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Only Now Can It Be Revealed

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On 7.30.21 I posted an excerpt from a book of political-cultural analysis, but I didn’t reveal the author’s name. It was a passage about how elite film critics have all been trained to kowtow to the wokester authoritarian left, but I didn’t name the male author because I wanted the content to be considered rather than the branding. I also didn’t feel comfortable with aligning myself with this person as I didn’t agree with some of his opinions. But in the months since this posting I’ve gradually begun to feel a greater degree of allegiance.

In the comment thread one person guessed his name correctly. The author’s identity is after the jump.

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