Commercial Hari-Kiri?

Why in the world would anyone release a small-town baseball film called Eephus? Why did the distributor, Music Box Films, agree to this? They might as well have called it Phoebus (i.e., Phoebus de Chateaupers, captain of the King’s Archers in Victor Hugo‘s The Hunchback of Notre Dame) or Platypus. Or Phlebitis.

How could the director and co-writer, Carson Lund, have possibly imagined that potential viewers might be intrigued by a title that sounds like some kind or blood or bone disease and means absolutely dead fucking nothing?

Last Weekend’s Statue of Liberty Cruise

…stirred a memory of the last time I’d visited Liberty Island, which was several decades earlier. It was during the late summer of 1980…just shy of 45 years ago…Jimmy Carter in the White House!…and I was in the company of John Carpenter, Kurt Russell, Adrien Barbeau, the late Debra Hill, IndieWire‘s Anne Thompson and several Manhattan-based journo colleagues.

[I’ve posted this story once before.] During the late summer of 1980 I was part of a press contingent that was invited to watch the after-dark filming of John Carpenter‘s Escape From New York on Liberty Island.

The gang was out in force — bearded and scruffy Kurt Russell in his Snake Plissken garb, costars Season Hubley (“with” Russell at the time), Adrienne Barbeau (married to Carpenter at the time), producer Debra Hill and several others.

Thompson, working for PMK at the time, had monitored a Carpenter interview about The Fog. (One that I’d written for Films in Review.) I’m certain it was her call to invite me to the Statue of Liberty thing.

Things began with a well-catered yacht party. By the time it ended everyone had half a buzz-on. As ther party wound down some of us were preparing to leave in order to watch Carpenter and Russell shoot a scene under the shadow of the Statue of Liberty.


Season Hubley, John Carpenter, Kurt Russell during the shooting of Escape From New York. Carpenter looked like a spry 32 year-old at the time — today he looks like he’s pushing 85.

Russell, slightly in his cups or certainly happy, got up and addressed the throng: “We’ve had a great time, we’ve loved having you here…now go home!” And everyone laughed their pants off. It was that kind of mood, that kind of party.

Being ferried back from Liberty Island to Battery Park around 9:30 or 10 pm was magnificent. Manhattan looked like the gleaming mother ship from the finale of Close Encounters. Talk about a breathtaking sight…seared into my memory.

I wrote my piece for The Aquarian, an alternative New Jersey weekly (based in Montclair) that’s still going.

Here’s a little anecdote that will give you an idea what it was like to collaborate with my stuffy editor, whose name was Karen something-or-other. During the yacht party I overheard Barbeau say to Carpenter, “I have some whites for you, honey, if you need some,” and so I put it in the article. Karen scolded me over the phone for including such a potentially litigious anecdote. “Thank God I caught that and took it out!”, she said. “What were you thinking?”

I was thinking, Ms. Tight-Ass, that whites (i.e., Benzedrine or some derivation of) are relatively harmless prescription drugs — pep pills — and that adding this line gave the piece a little inside flavor, directing being a tough job that keeps you up into the wee hours, etc. It’s not like Barbeau said, “I’ve got some fresh heroin, honey, and some brand-new syringes from a local pharmacy.”

“White Lotus” (Episode 7) Underwhelms Again

Last week I lamented that White Lotus honcho Mike White seems to be forsaking the idea of gripping plot turns and turning up the tension as things come to a close.

Alas, White is up to the same lethargic, tension-free lassitude in episode 7.

Is White paying some kind of homage to Michelangelo Antonioni‘s masterful early ’60s trilogy (L’Avventura, L’Eclisse, La Notte) in which nothing really happens but all kinds of tremors are felt underneath? Because in episode 7 (streaming on Sunday, 3.30) not much happens again, and there’s only one episode to go….blimey!

SPOILERS FOLLOW:

Friendo; “Nothing really happens of any major consequence. Things inch along but there’s not much in the way of decisive behavior or holy-shit turns in the road.

“As the trailer reveals, Walton Goggins‘ Rick Hatchett points a gun at his father’s murderer but…you don’t want to know.

Jason Isaacs‘ Timothy Ratliff continues to just sit there and do nothing…still refusing to come clean about his calamitous financial situation…STILL keeping it all buried inside…same crap!

“The wimpy Asian guy (Tayme Thapthimthong‘s Gaitok) identifies the robbers and realizes they’re the party-boy Russians.

Jon Gries‘ Gary/Greg offers a pile of dough to the chubby black chick (Natasha Rothwell‘s Belinda Lindsey) in exchange for her not accusing him of any kind of second-hand complicity in the death of Jennifer Coolidge‘s Tanya McQuoid in Sicily.

Carrie Coon‘s attorney character gets into a fight with Michelle Monaghan and Leslie Bibb‘s characters, and finally gets laid but…

Sam Nivola‘s gay younger brother wants to join the Buddhist temple but…

Sam Rockwell‘s Frank falls hard off the wagon (coke, hookers).”

“So not much happens in terms of any sense of an approaching climax. Fairly routine plotting this time. This happens, that happens. Nothing is building into something else.”

No Longer Nature’s Pleasure Garden

Welcome to the world of Valerie Van Galder, a 25-year veteran of big-studio publicity and marketing (a total hotshot in her day) and currently a mental health advocate. A resident of one of L.A.’s westside communities, Van Galder recently posted an audio-visual Facebook essay that caught my eye.

VVG basically said that while tourists see only the hotels, freeways, billboards, malls and gas stations, native Los Angelenos see some kind of mellow Garden of Gethsamene…a community built upon nourishing vibes and gentle fragrances, delicious ethnic food, winding two-lane blacktops in the hills, sea air and large swaying eucualyptus trees.

What she meant was that if you live in an affluent nabe and you make a concerted effort to mentally block out all the ugly stuff, Los Angeles can “seem” like a kind of heavenly, laid-back, coast-of-Italy Neverland, or at least something in the vein of Montecito or Mendocino or San Juan Capistrano.

Van Galder blocked and erased my reply so I can’t repeat it verbatim, but I basically said that L.A. can feel like a fairly nice place to hang if you keep to the flush zip codes (Beverly Hills & Bel Air, north of Montana, Brentwood, Pacific Palisades, Hollywood Hills, Hancock Park, Malibu hills, Trancas beaches, the various canyons, the walk streets of Venice) and tell yourself that the ugly aspects needn’t interfere with your spiritual head space, but the ugly, over-commercialized, heavily-congested, appalling and thoroughly blighted parts of town prevail above all.

Compared to so many European cities I could name, Los Angeles — not counting the above-named exceptions — is a sprawling, vaguely smelly, butt-ugly metropolis. Driving on Pacific Coast Highway alone is enough to trigger a tailspin depression.

L.A. was once was a moderately beautiful town…so much flora and nectar and sparkling clear vistas back in the 1920s, ’30s and ’40s…Robert Towne used to tell me all about it.

Here was Van Galder’s reply:

Posted on 12.5.24:

Posted on 10.17.06:

The Hollywood Reporter ran Nicole Sperling‘s nicely sculpted profile of Columbia TriStar marketing group president Valerie Van Galder yesterday…fine. I’ve always respected Van Galder’s aesthetic sense. I really admired that flower-pot concept in the Adaptation one-sheet that she worked on. I remember wanting to do an article on the various Adaptation poster concepts that she’d considered — she loved the film and was very enthused about getting the art just right — but the piece gradually died for some reason. Half me, half her.

I also remember Van Galder wearing one of those cat-in-the-hat hats in front of Park City’s Egyptian theatre in ’96 as I waited to scrounge a ticket for a public showing of Looking for Richard. Van Galder was a Fox Searchlight publicist and, let’s be honest, not exactly a friend. It was my choice to wait and hope — Valerie made no promises — but I stood in increasingly frigid cold for 45 minutes only to be told no-dice. It was nothing in the grand scheme and I naturally moved on, but on some residual level whenever I think of the talented and much-admired Val I think of the total absence of sensation in my toes that night, and the way snow was coming down so heavy and pretty, and how big Sundance kahuna Robert Redford and director-star Al Pacino drove up and jumped out of an SUV about ten minutes after the show was supposed to begin.

Posted on 10.15.06:

The sum effect of coverage of Marie-Antoinette in Vanity Fair, Vogue and the New Yorker along with the Kitson Boutique window treatments, wild posting and pink Converse sneakers…all of that…is “penetrating the culture,” Columbia marketing president Valerie Van Galder has told Hollywood Reporter columnist Anne Thompson.

“In just the way that Sofia didn’t treat [the story of Marie Antoinette] as a straight biopic, we’re taking a unique approach,” Van Galder explains. “We’re having fun with the marketing. The movie has captured people’s imagination.”

Surely Van Galder doesn’t mean the movie itself — which I’ve over-campaigned against, I realize — has done the capturing. What she means, I think, is that the idea of Sofia Coppola putting pink converse sneakers into a shot of Marie Antoinette’s closet (or against some other backdrop) has caught on within the culture of female movie journalists, columnists and magazine editors along with, I suppose, some of their male gay counterparts. Kind of a “you go, girl” thing.

Hollywood Bytes columnist Elizabeth Snead has written that “the modern pink footwear creates a funny, girly, rebellious moment in a frothy film about a young girl who just wants to flirt, shop and party in 18th century France. And the sneaks also work with the film’s punky pink ads and the pink-themed court parties, pink champagne, pink wigs, and pink pastries.

“More importantly, the shoes are also a bright pink emblem of Sofia’s creative and independent spirit.”

Snead reports in the same column that “someone asked Coppola about the pink tennis shoes and she explained that it was her brother Roman, her second assistant director on the film, who put them in the shot. Dunst stayed comfortable wearing pink Converse tennis shoes under her royal gowns during filming. You never see them on [her] but there is a funny shot of the tennis shoes that remains in the film.”

Clooney’s Bravery

HE truly respects George Clooney for playing Edward R. Murrow in the Broadway stage version of Good Night and Good Luck.

It must have been hugely intimidating as Clooney’s last stage performance was in the 1986 play Vicious, in which he played a prostitute and drug dealer.

A portrait of Sex Pistols’ star Sid Vicious, it premiered at Hollywood’s The Complex theatre (6476 Santa Monica Blvd.).

That said, HE slightly disagrees with Clooney’s 2022 assessment of Paul Newman‘s decision to play an alcoholic attorney in Sidney Lumet‘s The Verdict (’82).

Clooney: “Newman figured out that he was a character actor, and he accepted that role. He didn’t fight it or try to get his face done [in order to] look younger. He just said,’Okay, that’s who I am now’, and in doing this he changed expectations a little bit.”

Born in 1925, Newman was around 56 when he starred in The Verdict, and he looked fantastic, of course — intense blue eyes, beautifully cut gray hair, lean physique, not even a hint of a neck wattle. Lumet guided Newman into playing a certain down-at-the-heels, frayed-at-the-seams vulnerability, but Newman was clearly projecting a movie star aura in that film. Plus he got to fuck 35 year-old Charlotte Rampling.

So Newman was not playing a grubby, seen-better-days character — he was playing a gleaming silver fox with a receding drinking problem.

Heartfelt Thanks to HE Supporters

Hollywood Elsewhere is proudly announcing that last week’s GoFundMe Venice Film Festival campaign has not only reached its goal but has brought in enough dough to cover principal expenses for both the 2025 Cannes and Venice film festivals.

I’m hustling to submit my Cannes press credential application as we speak, and I’ll be doing the same for Venice very soon. Thanks to everyone (a couple of exceptionally generous fellows in particular) who stood up and pitched in…really meant a lot, opened great emotional floodgates.

The toxic pisshounds (two of whom I admittedly wished cancer upon earlier this year…regrettable emotional statements on my part) were full of dire predictions about how the GoFundMe thing might not work out, but these proved unreliable. I really despise a small number of HE comment-thread uglies. Wokeys mostly. All they want to do is urinate over everything.

I am otherwise ecstatic and extremely grateful that everything panned out. I’m trying to find a Venice pad as we speak. I’ll be sharing a THX-1138 Cannes pad with Jordan Ruimy.

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Bill Maher’s Upcoming White House Visit

…isn’t necessarily a bad idea, and yet I’m not sure. The optics of a Maher-Trump handshake and some kind of amicable discussion…I honestly don’t know how I feel about this.

An X-factor boomer with a well-established cut-the-crap attitude, Maher comes from a sensibly Democratic, JFK-admiring, middle-class New Jersey culture, as I did, and he’s made it clear that he loathes woke fanatics as much I do, and perhaps more so. He’s been equally clear that he thinks Trump is a crude demagogue…an unstable, egoistic authoritarian with no respect for the norms of a healthy democracy.

And yet he’s motivated by his belief that sensible, practical-minded Democratic centrists need to take charge of the Democratic party and…okay, perhaps not kick the wokeys totally off the bus but firmly explain to them that the Great Cultural Revolution insanity of 2018-to-2024 (nonwhite-identity-festishing, white-male loathing, DEI meets 1619 Project, biomale trans athletes competing in women’s sports, anti-normie gender-switch trans theology in schools) made for an electoral disaster, and that they have to put that shit away and embrace the tenets of sensible moderate left-centrism.

Forget the cults of Kamala and AOC strongly influencing the 2028 Democratic pitch…not happening. Gavin Newsom‘s talk-to-righties podcast indicates that he’s into pivoting toward the sensible center, etc.

So it’s not necessarily a terrible idea for Maher to meet Trump, but it’s also fraught with a potential for image trouble. Maher certainly has to be careful about looking like he’s kissing the MAGA ring on some level. He would never do that, of course, but the optics could be tricky.

Episode 6 of “White Lotus” Drops The Ball

“Not happening…way too laid back…zero narrative urgency,” I was muttering from the get-go. Basically the sixth episode of White Lotus Thai SERIOUSLY disappoints. Puttering around, way too slow. Things inch along but it’s all “woozy guilty lying aftermath to the big party night” stuff. Glacial pace…waiting, waiting.

I was told the story strands were going to begin to tighten up, but they’re just lying there in repose. Flaccid, lazy.

Two more episodes to go, and if episode 7 is as weak as 6 was tonight, everyone will say the whole thing was a bust.

SPOILERS FOLLOW: Before episode 6 began, series creator Mike White had only three hours to go. It’s obviously time to up the drama and intensify things (David Chase knew how to gradually turn the screws and tighten the strands in The Sopranos, not to mention deliver occasional dramatic crescendos) and he’s basically pissing away the time. In episode 6 White essentially says one thing: “I’ll deal with all this stuff later.”

When is Jason Isaacs going to finally DO something? Or at least BLURT SOMETHING OUT? His character is a terminally boring fraidy cat, enveloped in silent anguish, hopelessly inarticulate, buried in self-loathing. I’ve been watching this shallow-ass guy lie to his family as he shudders and trembles inside for five episodes now.

All White does is (a) show us two fatalistic shooting fantasies (it was interesting that he imagined killing Parker Posey before shooting himself) and (b) asks the spiritual guru guy what it’s like to die, and is curiously moved by the Buddhist cliche about life being a fountain and we’re all drops of water, etc. Who hasn’t heard that one?

It’s actually a line from a joke I heard back in the ‘70s. A spiritual seeker endures a long and arduous journey in trying to find the hallowed and supreme guru and thereby divine the essential secret of life, and when he finally finds him is told “my son, life is a fountain.” The seeker is stunned, outraged. “That’s IT?”, he barks at the guru. “I’ve spent months trying to find you, enduring all kinds of pain, danger, exhaustion and hardship, and all you can tell me is that life is a fountain?” Supreme guru, taken aback: “You mean life ain’t a fountain?”

And Parker Posey has been married to Isaacs for…what, 25 or 30 years and she can’t intuit that he’s seriously melting down and going to hell inside over something very scary? She can’t confront him about stealing her pills? She can’t put two and two together and deduce that something has gone horribly wrong with his investment portfolio? All she can say to Isaacs over and over is “what’s going on?” How many times has she fucking asked him that? A financial shark or hotshot of some kind, Isaacs has presumably been up to some sketchy, slippery stuff and knows, being the cagey type, that the regulatory authorities might conceivably get wind of this or that financial crime, and he hasn’t figured ways of hiding assets and socking away cash in hidden foreign bank accounts on a just-in-case basis?

What’s he looking at…several months or a year or two in a country-club prison? And he can’t get started again after serving his term? He doesn’t have friends and allies who might rally round and help him out? All he can do is think about killing himself because his wife is a fragile, drug-addled zombie? Pathetic.

There’s no insight or articulation or imagination in Isaacs’ character. His frozen-in-fear, “I can’t move or even breathe” psychology is dramatically suffocating, and hanging out with this guy is driving me nuts. I’ve really and truly run out of patience.

Very Significant Quote…Shifting of Tectonic Cultural Plates

Over the last couple of months HE has been observing that the DEI/pro-trans/equity-over-meritocracy/identity-crazed wokies have fled into the forest.

In a 3.20.25 N.Y. Times piece titled “Snow White and the Seven Kajillion Controversies,” Brooks Barnes suggests why.

“[On the Snow White front], Disney hoped that prominent voices on the left would step up to deliver a pushback to the pushback. But it didn’t happen.

“’Really never, but especially right now, no studio wants its movie branded as a D.E.I. lesson,” said Martin Kaplan, who runs the Norman Lear Center for entertainment, media and society at the University of Southern California.

“Disney largely managed to avoid this critique as recently as 2023, when it remade The Little Mermaid with a Black actress in the title role; defenders were plentiful. But last month, when Disney released Captain America: Brave New World, with a Black actor in the title role for the first time, the company had a harder time.

“It’s not an entirely new phenomenon: Think of the male-internet uproar over the all-female Ghostbusters from 2016, or the ongoing fan vitriol around Disney’s efforts to bring diversity to the “Star Wars franchise.

“‘But the ‘anti-woke right’ has grown more powerful‘, Mr. Kaplan noted, while defenders on the left have grown quieter, either because they feel cowed or frustrated or because even they have come to see Hollywood’s aggressive diversity efforts as clumsy.

“’I’m not sure anyone could have predicted that a reactionary force could so quickly and dramatically reverse the cultural winds, but that is certainly what has happened,’ Mr. Kaplan said. “What once were uncontroversial or proud decisions are suddenly somehow un-American.”

Criterion Teal Monster Reappears on “Night Moves” 4K/Bluray

The twisted green-teal perversion of color schemes on certain Criterion 4k/Blurays continues apace. What is mentally wrong with the Criterion engineers who’ve been pulling this teal shit since 2018 or thereabouts? Are they on drugs? Have they gone whacko?

DVD Beaver‘s Gary Tooze (recently posted): “The new Criterion 4K/Bluray disc (3.25.25) is uncomfortably green and blue-ish, [and] will court controversy.

“It is also much darker than the previous digital editions. Why the heavy green-ish-blue? With its neo-noir atmosphere of disillusionment and ambiguity, this Criterion disc might have been graded with cooler/darker tones (blue-green) to enhance its moody, melancholic feel, especially in the Florida Keys scenes where water and night settings dominate. I’m not quite sure why. Fans may continue to appreciate the brighter Warner HD presentation [released on 8.15.17].”

Bluray.com’s Svet Atanasov [recently posted]: “The new 4K Criterion makeover of Night Moves is disappointing. While it boasts very healthy and wonderfully detailed visuals, all with terrific density levels, it introduces some pretty dramatic color adjustments that effectively alter the film’s native period appearance.

“I have Warner Archive’s original Blu-ray release, which offers a very solid and accurate presentation of the film, and did not even feel the need to do extensive comparisons with it. In some areas of the new 4K makeover, there are entire ranges of primaries and supporting nuances that are eliminated and replaced by variations of turquoise/cyan, creating pretty striking anomalies. To be clear, these anomalies are of the kind that also appear on the recent 4K makeovers of The Hitcher and Mean Streets, adding harsh neon-esque qualities to skies and interiors that destabilize even some background nuances. On this 4K makeover, they are simply significantly exaggerated, doing a lot more to alter the native color temperature of the visuals. Needless to say, this is very unfortunate.”

And So The 2025 Journey Begins

The second half of yesterday’s chat between myself and Awards Daily‘s Sasha Stone was about Bernardo Bertolucci’s Last Tango in Paris (’72), which — I’m guessing here — the vast majority of under-45 viewers have probably never heard of, much less seen. But God, it feels so nourishing to recall the richest, most provocative (the butter scene was just one thing) or saddest portions of this landmark film.

The discussion began with Sasha skimming over a projection about which 2025 films will wind up being Oscar favorites. The idea of Wicked: For Good becoming a Best Picture favorite…don’t say this! And Paul Thomas Anderson, bless him, doesn’t make Academy=friendly films….never has, never will.