If John Wick: Chapter Two (Summit, 2.10) isn’t “funny”, what’s the point? I chortled and guffawed all through the original so give me that thing (i.e., a series of oafish funnybone moments punctuated by an occasional yaw-haw) or send me home.

I haven’t seen it, but in the view of Variety‘s Peter Debruge delivering man-chuckles may not be a top priority. He notes that the two John Wick flicks “accomplish what Hong Kong action fare did a quarter-century ago, seducing bloodthirsty (predominately male) audiences into appreciating an exquisitely choreographed modern ballet.” Rather than wallow in blunt carnage for carnage’s sake, John Wick: Chapter Two “achieves something more akin to dance.”

That’s cool but not enough, not for me. The Wick franchise is about dumb-fuck brutality made witty and occasionally hilarious by a smirking awareness of its own ludicrousness or, you know, a franchise absorbed by the mentality of an eight-year-old on Ritalin. Or even (can’t hurt to fantasize) a movie that would at its highest level be a kind of Duck Soup version of Grand Theft Auto.

Hell, why not try for a little Buster Keaton-like comic invention as Keanu Reeves sends way more than 75 guys (according to Debruge) to the pearly gates?

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This is the second teaser for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (Disney, 5.26), and they’re still being coy about showing Johnny Depp‘s appearance as Captain Jack Sparrow. They’ve waited until the last second to show him all caked with mud — obviously a sign of hesitation. It’s not as if Depp is some kind of exotic presence, but then again, the trailer implies, maybe he is as far as tradition is concerned.

As we all know over the last three of four years Depp has expanded into what could cruelly be described as Captain Fatass. Perhaps the CG slim-down software they’ll undoubtedly be using to make Depp appear like he did in the previous four Pirates of the Caribbean films (the first of which, Curse of the Black Pearl, opened 13 and 3/4 years ago) hasn’t been fully completed and refined yet.

Incidentally: The shot of the ghouls running across the surface of the sea isn’t bad.

From a 2.4 Washington Post piece by Cindy Boren: “In one of the more unlikely developments surrounding a sports event, a Boycott Budweiser movement has taken root over the commercial that features an immigration theme.

“In a sepia-toned flashback, the company pays tribute to a German immigrant named Adolphus Busch who comes to St. Louis from Germany and decides to brew beer when he meets Eberhard Anheuser. Along the way, Busch faces taunts about how he doesn’t ‘look like he’s from around here,’ a message that comes on the heels of a controversial immigration ban imposed by President Trump.”

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Originally posted on 9.10.16: “Last night I caught Ewan MacGregor‘s American Pastoral (Lionsgate, 10.21), a handsome, concise adaptation of Philip Roth’s 1997 family-tragedy novel, and came away relatively pleased, or at least placated.

“To me it felt straight and unfettered and emotionally upfront, but at the same time not overbearing. And with the exception of Dakota Fanning‘s occasionally whispery, hard-to-understand dialogue the performances (MacGregor in the lead role of Seymour ‘Swede’ Levov plus Jennifer Connelly, Rupert Evans, Valorie Curry and Peter Reigert) struck me as specific, rounded and believable.”

Ewan MacGregor‘s directorial debut begins high-def streaming on Tuesday, 2.7. Bluray and DVD concurrent, of course.

Back to review: “I was sorry to read Andrew Barker’s pan in Variety but TheWrap‘s Steve Pond is roughly on the same page as myself.

“I should admit to a certain familiarity with the project as Pastoral was developed for many years by director Phillip Noyce (director of Salt, Rabbit-Proof Fence, Clear and Present Danger), whom I’m friendly with, along with screenwriter John Romano. I was surprised when Noyce bailed on the project after so many years of investment, but I have to admit that MacGregor, a first-timer, has done a better-than-decent job at bringing this sad tale to life. To me the film feels clean, well honed, reasonably arresting.

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We don’t like goons at the Santa Barbara Film Festival. They’re not needed or wanted, and they just make everyone feel vaguely uncomfortable. For one thing they’re unnecessary — the SBIFF vibe is always loose and mellow and free of trouble of any kind. Last night’s goon [pictured below] was standing next to the stage in the right-front area, and I just knew that when it came time at the very end of the Virtuosos event to rush the stage in order to take snaps that this big fucking ape would probably block me. So I left early — who needs the aggravation? I understand hiring goons with infra-red scanners to guard against preview audiences from taking videos of unreleased films, but this concern obviously didn’t apply last night. Nobody was drinking, no one was rowdy or belligerent…why was this guy there?

“Don’t come around here no more…”

Florence Foster Jenkins‘ costar Simon Helberg, whose highly amusing performance as a self-deluding pianist should have been nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar, was the funniest and most engaging of the SBIFF Virtuosos who were honored last night. The Big Bang Theory star was in his element and smooth as silk. Helberg is more of a witty ensemble guy than a lead, but he really needs to keep appearing in quality features.

virtuosos ensemble

The warmest vibes came from Fences and Manchester by The Sea costar Stephen Henderson and Moonlight and Hidden Figures costar Mahershala Ali. The biggest applause machine was Lion‘s Dev Patel. Loving‘s Ruth Negga, Hidden Figures and Moonlight costar Janelle Monae and Moonlight costar Naomie Harris more than held their own.

I’m not a fan of Aaron Taylor-Johnson‘s absurdly demonic performance in Nocturnal Animals, and I was stunned when he recently won the Best Supporting Actor Golden Globe for this.  So I mostly just waited for his interview to be over. For what it’s worth I loved him in Anna Karenina.

The charming and smoothly disciplined Dave Karger (Today, TCM) handled his moderator task with the usual aplomb.

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Four years, 10 months and 15 days ago I embraced sobriety. Was this because I had a serious drinking problem? No — it was because a voice told me that if I continued to pour wine and beer into my system on a nightly basis (I quit the hard stuff in ’96) I might eventually come to resemble the present-day Steven Bannon. Honestly? If I did look like Bannon, if I saw that grotesque Luciferian puss in my mirror every morning, I would be sorely tempted to put a glock in my mouth and pull the trigger. [Apologies for accidentally wiping an earlier version of this post — I don’t know what the hell happened.]

A Melissa McCarthy classic — cheers, brilliant, “everyone was happy!”…surreal. Ditto Kate McKinnon‘s Betsy DeVos.

It struck me earlier today that Kenneth Lonergan‘s Manchester By The Sea is similar to Martin Ritt‘s Hud in that the lead protagonist doesn’t find salvation or redemption at the finale — no healing and certainly no parting of the clouds. What other films have a main protagonist who can’t find a way out of the pit or doesn’t care to find one, who finally says “aahh, the hell with it…I am who I am”?

From Hud Wikipage: “Paramount executives were unhappy with the film. They felt it was too dark; they were displeased by James Wong Howe‘s black-and-white cinematography and Hud’s lack of remorse and unchanged behavior at the finale. 

“After Hud was previewed, Paramount considered dropping the project, feeling that it was not ‘commercial enough.’ But director Martin Ritt flew to New York and convinced the executives to release the film unmodified.

“Hud was acclaimed during its premiere at the 24th Venice International Film Festival. After opening on 5.29.63 it grossed $10 million, earning $5 million in theatrical rentals against a budget of $2.35 million.

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This Mercedes AMG GT Roadster spot is okay, I guess, in a dopey, broadly satirical sort of way, but what’s happened to the Coen brothers? I’m asking because after Peter Fonda turns over the engine there’s an insert shot of a couple of full glasses of beer shuddering so badly they nearly tip over. That’s not cool, not the Coen brothers style. The Coens of yore would have shown a closeup of the beers vibrating ever so slightly without the glasses moving — still a bullshit notion but it would have passed muster. Comment #2: A single Mercedes “blocks in” motorcycles belonging to…what, at least 12 or 15 bikers? Comment #3: Fonda could use a little neck-wattle surgery and a thousand micro-hair-plug grafts. He needs to at least try to look like Terry Valentine again. Aging is inevitable, but you can at least make an effort to shave a decade or so.

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