“Most of Hereafter is not about what the dead mean to the living; it’s about having nice little chats with ghosts, and neither director Clint Eastwood nor screenwriter Peter Morgan has the taste for such flamboyant stuff. The two men have accomplished the questionable feat of domesticating the uncanny, and, in the process, they’ve lost their storytelling skills — the coincidences that bring the main characters together by the end are laughably unconvincing.” — New Yorker critic David Denby on Eastwood’s latest.

New Yorker illustration of Hereafter‘s Matt Damon and Cecile de France (or is it Bryce Dallas Howard?) by “Quickhoney.”

I was pulled over late last night by the East Hampton bulls because my tail lights were out. That was because I hadn’t fully turned the lights on. I’d been to the closing-night party of the Hamptons Film Festival and had a mild buzz-on, I admit, but nothing to concern the authorities. To make sure Officer Diamond had me submit to four tests to determine sobriety levels — holding up one foot for a count of six or seven, walking the white line, eyeballing a moving object and breathalyzer. I passed.

But I hadn’t paid a traffic ticket for “straddling lanes” (straddling lanes!) that I’d been given in midtown Manhattan a few months ago, which had kicked things up to a fine. And so Officer Diamond was obliged to arrest me, cuff me, put me in the back of his vehicle and drive me back to the police headquarters in Wainscott. From 2 am to 3:20 am I sat and waited as he filled out five or six forms (arrest, background, court date, etc.). This was the part I really didn’t care for. Sitting meekly under fleurescent light and minute by debilitating minute, my spirit slowly withered and died.

Then Officer Diamond took all my cash ($80) for bail and then gave me an 11.3 court appearance date, and then took the cuffs off and cut me loose. The police station is located about a mile into the woods, so I had to walk for about 25 minutes through the pitch-black forest (no streetlights of any kind) and then another 1/3 of a mile back to the Enclave Inn. I finally settled down and got some sleep around 4 am, and then got up at 8 am.

Now I have to take a cab (Lindy’s Taxi) out to the spot near the north shore where my car was left, and then drive back to the city.

Yesterday’s Maureen Dowd N.Y. Times column, titled “Lord of the Internet Rings,” begins as follows: “They had me at the mesmerizing first scene, when the repulsive nerd is mocked by a comely, slender young lady he’s trying to woo. Bitter about women, he returns to his dark lair in a crimson fury of revenge.

“It unfolds with mythic sweep, telling the most compelling story of all, the one I cover every day in politics: What happens when the powerless become powerful and the powerful become powerless?

“This is a drama about quarrels over riches, social hierarchy, envy, theft and the consequence of deceit — a world upended where the vassals suddenly become lords and the lords suddenly lose their magic.

“The beauty who rejects the gnome at the start is furious when he turns around and betrays her, humiliating her before the world. And the giant brothers looming over the action justifiably feel they’ve provided the keys to the castle and want their reward. One is more trusting than the other, but both go berserk, feeling they’ve been swindled after entering into a legitimate business compact.

“The antisocial nerd, surrounded by his army of slaving minions, has been holed up making something so revolutionary and magical that it turns him into a force that could conquer the world.

“The towering brothers battle to get what they claim is their fair share of the glittering wealth that flows from the obsessive gnome’s genius designs.

“The gnome, remarkably, invents a way to hurl yourself through space and meet up with somebody at the other end.

“All of these mythic twists and turns in ‘Das Rheingold’ at the Metropolitan Opera in New York were a revelation to me. I’d never seen the Ring cycle. I didn’t even know what it was about. I loved everything about Peter Gelb‘s $16 million production: the shape-shifting, high-tech stage, the mermaid sopranos dangling from wires, the magnetic Welsh bass-baritone Bryn Terfel, who plays Wotan, the weak ruler of the gods who tries to renege after bartering his gorgeous sister-in-law for construction of a gorgeous castle.”

And so on.

If it hadn’t been for the East Hampton fuzz I would have posted congratulations & best wishes last night to the Hampton Film Festival jury and audience-choice winners. They included Tom Hooper‘s The King’s Speech (best narrative), Jill Andresevic‘s Love Etc. (best doc), Lisa Gossels‘ My So-Called Enemy (HIFF’s ‘Conflict and Resolution’ prize), Alice Nellis‘s Mamas & Papas (narrative & best screenplay Jury winner), and Aaron Schock‘s Circo (doc jury winner).

The third “Oscar Poker” is up. Recorded this afternoon — myself in East Hampton, Awards Daily‘s Sasha Stone in Los Angeles, and Boxoffice.com’s Phil Contrino from somewhere in the Bumblefuck hinterlands.

So it’s not just me posting Let Me In items/stories to try and save it from the oblivion file. (It dropped 53% this weekend — not good.) Bilge Ebiri is also a champion. Here‘s a recently-transcribed Matt Reeves interview.

The Social Network wound up really pulling ahead. Secretariat pretty much fell flat. Everyone reporting this story needs to avoid cornball horse-racing phrases.

Yesterday afternoon 127 Hours star James Franco submitted yesterday afternoon to a q & a with Museum of Modern Art film chief Rajendra Roy inside a small theatre in Sag Harbor. The highlight came when Cool It director Ondi Timmoner tried to persuade Franco to consider playing Robert Mapplethorpe in a biopic she’s planning, and Franco smiled and playfully said yes.

The entire Hamptons Film Festival gang — all the filmmakers, organizers, supporters and press — gathered yesterday afternoon at the home of Stuart and Vicki Matsch-Suna for what was called a “chairman’s reception.” All of it under a big tent on a large sloping backyard with a beautiful pool down below, and with a monstrous lawn adjacent to the property in front, like one of those huge English grazing fields.

Miral star Freida Pinto — Saturday, 10.9, 5:20 pm.

Weinstein Co. marketing exec Victoria Parker, Harvey Weinstein.

N.Y. Press critic and NYFCC chief Armond White — Saturday, 10.9, 5:05 pm. White will be moderating today’s discussion about the 20th anniversary of Joel and Ethan Coen‘s Miller’s Crossing at Guild Hall.

Toy Story 3 director Lee Unkrich, producer Darla K. Anderson.

(l. to r)

Pihla Viitala, Finland; Anais Demoustier, France; Zrinka Cvitesic, Croatia; and Karen Dix, Project Director of European Film Promotion (EFP) and Shooting Stars.

Producer Sam Kitt, Waiting for Superman director Davis Guggenheim.

Cool It director Ondi Timerman — Saturday, 10.9, 5:40 pm.

127 Hours star James Franco during yesterday afternoon’s q & a in Sag Harbor.

Taken late yesterday morning in the main lobby and bar area of East Hampton’s Maidstone Hotel, which is the main headquarters of the Hamptons Film Festival. Today’s activities include (a) a Pixar brunch at noon, (b) a q & a with Joel and Ethan Coen with moderator Armond White, (c) a second look at 127 Hours, and (d) a second dive into Darren Aronofsky‘s Black Swan.