“The oddity in all of this is the people Trump despises most, love him the most. The people who are voting for Trump for the most part…he wouldn’t even let them in a fucking hotel. He’d be disgusted by them. Go to Mar-a-Lago, see if there’s any people who look like you. I’m talking to you in the audience.” — Howard Stern earlier today, speaking to listeners of his Siris XM talk show and quoted by the N.Y. Daily News‘ Brian Niemietz.

James Gray‘s next film will be some kind of autobiographical drama called Armageddon Time, about Gray coming of age in Queens in the mid ’80s, and with two of the characters being 30something Donald Trump as well as his dad, the Queens real estate tycoon Fred Trump.

Cate Blanchett will play a significant role in Armageddon Times, which will be produced by RT Features.

Born to Ukrainian-Jewish parents and raised in Flushing, Gray was in his early to late teens in the ’80s. Pic relates Gray’s history at Kew-Forest School, where Fred Trump served on the board and where young incorrigible Donald was a student in the ’60s. Collider’s Jeff Sneider reports that “the school’s principal will be a central character, though it’s unclear if Blanchett will tackle that role or a different one entirely, such as the young protagonist’s mother.”

Do I want to see a film that even peripherally observes the ne’er-do-well activities of Fred and Donald? What is there left to say about those assholes?

If I was the actual Jeff Goldblum as opposed to the doppelganger in this Richmond street fight, I would be on the phone to my agent right now.

“Whatever the next role is,” I would say, “the producers have to agree to include a scene in which my character gets into an argument with some bare-chested asshole and does exactly this when push comes to shove.

“I don’t care if it’s a Wes Anderson film or Jurassic Park VII or whatever…we have to build on the lore of this thing. It’s trending all over and I need to be this guy. Kids all over the world are going ‘whoo-whoo!’…this kind of thing happens very rarely.”

Agent to Goldblum: “Wait…you could be the next Liam ‘Paycheck’ Neeson!”

Jeff Goldblum had enough of shirtless guy’s shit pic.twitter.com/KA0DbKdEr7

— KFC Radio (@KFCradio) May 12, 2020

I don’t turn on but Tatyana does, and so a couple of days ago I brought home three store-bought joints. Three flavors, horn-shaped, about $15 bills each. Plus a tin of cannabis-infused gummies.

She began with the strawberry-flavored one, and the aroma was wonderful. It smelled so good I was almost tempted, but I can’t. But what a business, what a brand, what a profit margin. When I was spry and bushy-tailed an ounce would run $20, and if you were busted for dealing bricks you could do serious time.

I watched Howard Hawks‘ Hatari! last night. I don’t know why but I did. Hugely incorrect from a conservationist perspective, of course. Colorful, occasionally diverting, irritating at times. John Wayne, 55, was too old for Elsa Martinelli, 27, who nonetheless did a decent job of filling the shoes of the proverbial “Hawks woman.”

I for one got off the Hawks boat after Hatari (’62), but his output between Scarface (’34) and Hatari is mostly unassailable. My favorites are the same as everyone else’s — Scarface, Twentieth Century, Bringing Up Baby, Only Angels Have Wings, His Girl Friday, Sergeant York, Ball of Fire, Air Force, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Red River, A Song Is Born, (NO to I Was a Male War Bride), The Thing from Another World, The Big Sky, (NO to Monkey Business), Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Land of the Pharaohs, Rio Bravo. His greatest period was between ’32 and ’62 — a 30-year hot streak.

Posted from Prague four years ago (5.24.16).

If things were normal the annual La Pizza journo gathering would’ve happened a few hours ago, and the 2020 Cannes Film Festival would begin tomorrow (Tuesday, 5.12).

Of all the highly anticipated films that might’ve premiered at the now-cancelled 73rd festival, Leos Carax‘s all-sung Annette is the one I’m sorriest about missing.

Boilerplate: “The lives of a provocative stand-up comedian (Adam Driver) and his world-famous soprano wife (Marion Cotillard) take an unexpected turn when their daughter Annette is born — a girl with a unique gift.” Can someone at least tell me what the “gift” is?

Other missed hotties (some possibly Covid-stalled in post): Wes Anderson‘s The French Dispatch, Clio Barnard’s Ali & Ava, Stacey Gregg’s Here Before, Harry MacQueen’s Supernova, Ninja Thyberg‘s Jessica, Valdimar Jóhannsson‘s Lamb, Stephane Brizé’s For Better Or Worse, Bruno Dumont‘s On A Half Clear Morning, Sylvie Verheydes‘ Madame Claude, Mia Hansen-Love‘s Bergman Island, Emmanuel Carrère’s Between Two Worlds, Antonin Peretjatko‘s Old Fashioned, Giovanni Aloï’s The Third War, Franka Potente’s Home, Nanni Moretti‘s Three Floors, Sergio Castellitto’s A Bookshop In Paris, Pilar Palomero’s The Girls, Kirill Serebrennikov’s Petrov’s Flu, Tom Shoval’s Shake Your Cares Away…it’s just a shame.

The people who made this know their craft. Who’s the narrator…Peter Coyote? Joe Biden‘s best truth-to-Trump ad yet.

“Donald Trump just doesn’t understand: We have an economic crisis because we have a public health crisis — and we have a public health crisis because he failed to act.”

I had another burgundy/maroon meltdown today. I’m sorry but it was awful. I was waiting at a stoplight in Westwood when a blond-haired Millennial walked in front of me with a maroon/burgundy double assault — lace-up sneakers plus a cardigan of some kind. Animal dislikes are hard to explain and impossible to rationalize, but they’re driven by something fierce and primal.

I have nothing to add to last year’s burgundy/maroon rant (posted on 5.9.19) but if I was some kind of Emperor or Dictator I wouldn’t ban the wearing of burgundy/maroon. That would be oppressive, tyrannical. I would, however, impose serious fines. Wearing of maroon/burgundy jeans: $250 fine plus mandatory attendance of six (6) classes explaining the basics of tasteful color coordination and what not to wear under any circumstance. (It doesn’t end with burgundy/maroon.) Wearing of burgundy sneakers, scarves, ties, T-shirts, windbreakers: $250 fine. Wearing of maroon/burgundy sport or tuxedo jacket: $350 fine.

I said last year that I’m okay with hand-crafted burgundy or cordovan dress shoes. That hasn’t changed.

Three weeks ago I saw Josh Trank‘s Capone (Vertical, 5.12). My 26-word capsule review: “Splotchy, flamboyant and plotless but flavorful and quirky thanks to Tom Hardy, and with one terrific, stand-up-and-cheer scene. But that’s all.”

Pic is basically about the demented Al Capone (brain corroded by syphilis or, if you will, paresis), hanging around his Miami Beach mansion in 1946 and early ’47 and basically succumbing to one haunting flashback or hallucination after another.

My suspicion is that Trank (Fantastic Four, Chronicle) landed Hardy by telling him “look, man…there’s no story or ‘movie’ here other than ‘the guy has totally lost it’ so make it your own and I’ll just shoot it…just growl and snarl and act the fuck out of demented Al and we’ll slap something together in editing…ball’s in your court.”

The terrific scene in question is a riff on Bert Lahr performing “If I Was King Of The Forest” in The Wizard of Oz. It has permanently altered my default imprint of Al “Scarface” Capone. Before it was Robert De Niro swinging a baseball bat in The Untouchables. But henceforth I’ll think of “Fonz” (a nickname used by pallies, short for Alphonse) standing up during a home screening of Oz and singing along with Lahr, and with operatic feeling.

It was the one moment when I sat up on the couch and smiled.

Capone’s mansion is located on a large waterfront lot at 93 Palm Ave, Miami Beach, FL 33139. [See photo below.] Capone, which was originally titled Fonzo, was shot in some low-lying swamp region outside New Orleans. Given Capone’s delusional state of mind, Trank decided to depict the Capone mansion as roughly ten times larger than it actually is, and so the property is presented as a cross between Beasts of the Southern Wild and Charles Foster Kane‘s Xanadu.

I for one found this infuriating. Capone can wallow in delirium all he wants, but I wanted the realism of that property.

Capone mansion is redlined — 93 Palm Ave, Miami Beach, FL 33139.

Look at these Mother’s Day revelers in Castle Rock, Colorado…they don’t care. As noted last week, I’m sensing shards of this attitude even in blue Los Angeles. “People may die but we have to live,” etc.

Happy Mother’s Day from C& C in Castle Rock, where the owner said this is almost double a normal Mother’s Day. pic.twitter.com/cPSzjmAfAg

— Nick Puckett (@nick__puckett) May 10, 2020

There’s nothing factually unknown in Timothy Egan’s 5.8 N.Y. Times column, titled “The World Is Taking Pity on Us.” But I admire the discipline, concise phrasing, no beating around the bush, etc.

Excerpt: “In Trump’s assessment, his government has done a ‘spectacular job’ with the Covid-19 pandemic.

“’And I’ll tell you, the whole world is excited watching us because we’re leading the world,’ Trump said in an updated pat on the back.

“He’s right about the leading part: Every 49 seconds or so, throughout the first week in May, an American has been dying of this disease. With 1.3 million reported cases, the United States, just five percent of the world’s population, has nearly 33 percent of the sick. With more than 75,000 deaths, we’re at the front of the pack as well. No country comes close on all three measures.

“Globally, the average death rate is 34 people per million residents. In the United States, it’s more than six times higher — 232 per million.

“South Korea and the United States both reported their first cases of Covid-19 at the same time, in the third week of January. South Korea immediately started testing on a mass scale and socially isolating. The United States denied, dithered and did next to nothing for more than two months.”